Loneliness

DFIL in a very similar situation. He has Carers each morning but uses them mainly for a chat.

He goes to Church at least once a week.

Goes to a Lunch Club.

Also goes to a Men's Group for Widowers or those whose Wives are in Care.

The thing that helped him probably the most was the local Carers Hub who he only contacted after DMIL was in a Care Home.

They arranged Counselling for him and got him in touch with the lunch club and the men's group.

There could be a certain element of he'll never be not-lonely wherever he is?

Mine frequently complains of loneliness. She sees far more people socially than I do, attending multiple things each week. But what she really wants isn't to sit and talk to any of these people, it's to sit and talk to me all day everyday! That's never going to happen because I have a full time job, child and don't live anywhere near. And she drives me mad.

If you can get it to the point where various people check in with him through the week - cleaner, lunch club, supported living neighbours/wardens then you'll know that technically he's not lonely.

What sort of thing would he enjoy? There are all sorts of groups out there aimed at more elderly people, from board game clubs and silver surfers at the library to gardening clubs with speakers, lunch clubs, local history, going into primary schools to hear pupils read, concerts. A lot of those there would be lifts available too.

Would he consider a retirement complex of some sort? Was just talking to a friend whose dad lives in one and he loves it and is always organising social things with the other residents.

@rickyrickygrimes awful situation but sometimes the elderly seem to think their middle aged adult children need to entertain them and are responsible for their happiness. We aren’t. I actually worked out that since the beginning of 2020 I’ve spent over £2k sending my parents, now just my mother, “stuff” to alleviate their now her boredom . Jigsaws, garden games, books, dvds, puzzle books and games, flowers, the list is endless. I’ve also spent time with her but I’m “ not interesting enough to stimulate her”…yes that’s a quote. Nothing is right. Nothing. They, she live in an area with so much help and restaurants entertainment it is ridiculous but they now she will not engage. Happy for us to drive for hours though. We are a generation being absolutely sucked dry by parents who lived through economic boom times. Young people being called snowflakes-my kids are not. Good degrees with good jobs. My parents- utter snowflakes. No coping skills yet benefited from the boom years of their parents fighting in a war WW2 at a very young age. Am I fed up? Yes. Eighty odd year old parents just moaning none stop .Us pointing them in direction of loads of support. Response…no Blue Legume I thought you would do it. Said parents were swanning around the Caribbean at my age not scrubbing their parents toilets because said parent doesn’t want a cleaner. It’s exhausting.

I'd second Age UK and look up the local branch. I saw a display in my GPs today and there was so much going on it the area - social, activities and 'fitness' related.

Definitely contact Age UK. They've been a lifeline for my elderly dad who lives on his own.

Age UK have been great IME.

Lunch clubs? They used to pick my mum up, though she complained about the circuitous route due to picking up others! Our council website has links to local groups.

Would he get taxis?
Joining U3A was a life saver for DM when DF died.

Is he in touch with any groups? Is there a local drop in that pick up people?

There are befrienders available either by phone or in person. You can also pay for carers to sit and chat or go somewhere with him, if he can't walk, perhaps a cab. It might be worth looking into clubs or societies such as bridge or board games, things that aren't physical. Perhaps his local church has things going on and members can offer a lift.

Age UK or his local paper may be helpful. I know the Red cross does Befriending but there are other places that do it. You could also look on Facebook to see what's going on locally.