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Elderly parents
Original poster

Hoarding mother sending 20 boxes of books!

66 replies

Toomanysquishmallows · 26/07/2024 15:48

Hi , hoping for a sympathetic ear . My 78 year old narcissist mum lived in a care home . She has cousins clearing her house . I live 70 miles away and have two children with autism. We live in a very small council flat . On Wednesday the cousins arrived and deposited 20 boxes of books and rubbish! I’m talking filthy kitchen scales and cheese graters . I know have an unusable living room . I spoke to my mum today , and she merely said I could wait for my brother who I barely see to collect the stuff. I’m currently in total despair at the state of my flat .

OP posts:
Scarletrunner · 26/07/2024 18:51

To the T I P

Original poster
Toomanysquishmallows · 26/07/2024 18:45

@HangingOnJustAbout , thank you so much , it really is causing a problem. My partner and I have been arguing about it .

OP posts:
HangingOnJustAbout · 26/07/2024 18:43

Please, please ignore the well intentioned suggestions on how to sell or recycle this stuff, that's fine for people who have space and time and choose to do so.

Please get it to the tip ASAP for your health and sanity.

Your cousins are arses for bringing it over in the first place.

Rinkko · 26/07/2024 18:37

Toomanysquishmallows · 26/07/2024 18:24

@soupfiend , it’s ridiculous but they are elderly and I was embarrassed to say no . Which is pathetic I know .

Honestly, if they can carry 20 boxes of books and random crap into your flat then they can't be that infirm.

Surely they must have made several journeys in and out, ferrying all the stuff? I know it's hard to close the door and say No. But they are the ones being rude here, not you.

NoBinturongsHereMate · 26/07/2024 18:33

those bag collections that are like skips (cant remember the name of them

Hippo bag.

Original poster
Toomanysquishmallows · 26/07/2024 18:24

@soupfiend , it’s ridiculous but they are elderly and I was embarrassed to say no . Which is pathetic I know .

OP posts:
soupfiend · 26/07/2024 18:23

I cant fathom why you would have let them in to dump the stuff, however now that you have, there are people who could collect it and take it to the dump, or those bag collections that are like skips (cant remember the name of them - cheaper than a skip anyway), I wouldnt be going through anything, why didnt the cousins go through it all either?

Original poster
Toomanysquishmallows · 26/07/2024 18:22

@hattie43 , honestly I would have been embarrassed taking some of the items to a charity shop .

OP posts:
hattie43 · 26/07/2024 18:20

What a cheek to just dump it on you .
I would ring and say if it's not gone by end of the weekend it'll be going to the tip . I'd normally say charity shop but it sounds rank

bellocchild · 26/07/2024 18:20

I would be inclined to tell your mum, in the circumstances, that you have found a couple of charities who are very grateful for the books and bits. Just don't mention the names of these imaginary charities or use the word 'junk' in any context! After all, your mum will not think of it as 'junk', far from it, so be kind...

Mrsjayy · 26/07/2024 18:18

Toomanysquishmallows · 26/07/2024 18:07

@Mrsjayy , you are correct, my mum is a completely entitled narcissist, who expects everyone to do her bidding except my brother.She has had years and years to sort photos etc , but hasn’t , hence the simmering resentment.

That's such a shame that's come to this. I hope you.can get the things away from your flat. If you can be arsed charity shops can collect books from you.

Original poster
Toomanysquishmallows · 26/07/2024 18:07

@Mrsjayy , you are correct, my mum is a completely entitled narcissist, who expects everyone to do her bidding except my brother.She has had years and years to sort photos etc , but hasn’t , hence the simmering resentment.

OP posts:
dollopz · 26/07/2024 17:38

The grater, odds and ends, unsellable books put on a message on face book groups saying you’re giving things away for free. Post a picture of items. Put a pile of stuff outside your home saying’ free please take’

dollopz · 26/07/2024 17:35

Scan the books and see if a big chunk can be collected

Thursdaygirl · 26/07/2024 17:33

I can’t understand why you let them bring it all in?

charlieinthehaystack · 26/07/2024 17:31

ooh never bin photos I sell them on ebay the most mundane photos go for a fortune anyone got any spare!

IFollowRivers · 26/07/2024 17:25

Don't pin too much hope on the book scanning apps. Book has to have a barcode, be in ok condition and be wanted by the company.

For every ziffitable box we had x10 that were not when going through a similar process.

Inlaw · 26/07/2024 17:17

God don’t dump them!

Download a book selling app. There’s a few out there. Scan the barcodes. Put back in the box. And they will collect from the door for good cash. Happy payday OP

Mrsjayy · 26/07/2024 17:14

Toomanysquishmallows · 26/07/2024 16:12

@TheGirlattheBack , the greasy stuff went straight in the bin ! I have also binned about 20 boxes of photos .

Do you not want to keep photos maybe your mother would like them. I'm sensing resentment from everyone the cousins dumping it on you.

StevieFae · 26/07/2024 17:11

Do you have space to put it in a sheltered area outside your flats. Free books, note on local Facebook groups.

Mrsjayy · 26/07/2024 17:09

Or see if your council do uplifts.

Mrsjayy · 26/07/2024 17:08

Toomanysquishmallows · 26/07/2024 16:00

Thank you ! I don’t drive , so it will be a cab , dp is convinced we can drop it off a free libraries , but there is so much !

Look for a man with a van on Facebook to get them to take it all to the tip.

Original poster
Toomanysquishmallows · 26/07/2024 17:07

@AbraAbraCadabra , I binned the photos because there were a lot of mums time as mayor , which tbh I have no interest in , and other dreary things .

OP posts:
Original poster
Toomanysquishmallows · 26/07/2024 17:05

@MattSmithsBowTie , I think in retrospect, not letting them drop the boxes off would have been a good idea . I am checking all the boxes as we found my grandmothers birth certificate, stuffed amount a load of junk .my living room does indeed currently smell like a charity shop .

OP posts:
AbraAbraCadabra · 26/07/2024 17:03

Toomanysquishmallows · 26/07/2024 16:12

@TheGirlattheBack , the greasy stuff went straight in the bin ! I have also binned about 20 boxes of photos .

Why did you bin loads of photos? That'd be the one thing I did keep!

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