Inheritance discussion

I think I’d say to your parents: “Good grief, I’m not going to negotiate the terms of your will. You must do whatever you think best.”

I wish you could do a downvote for rude / stupid comments like this.

A will of testament is exactly that; what someone wants to happen to their assets when they die. It is ridiculous that your parents are saying it is up to you and your sister to decide. A will is their wishes, not yours. I assume they have done this because they themselves cannot agree on a fair split, but that is no reason to put it on to you both. I would suggest you tell them that you and your sister agree to honour their wishes, and it is their decision and their decision only. They also do not have to put the same allocations in their will, so your mum could put a 50/50 spilt and your dad could put something else. Afterall, they are unlikely to die at the same time, so if your dad dies first, your mum might change her will to 50/50 even if they mutually agree a different ratio.

Anything else your sister stands to inherrit is irrelevant, as is your current circumstances, as circumstances can change. It is important that your parents have wills, but it is also important that they prioritise enjoying their twilight years and consider their own needs if they become infirm (eg they should sell their home to afford better care for themselves).

All in the thread if you care to read it.

Pass it back to your parents. It’s their money, their decision. It’s wrong to ask you.

Your parents should be the ones making decisions about their own wills, then it would be sensible to let you and your half-sister know what has been decided and why.

Was your half-sister adopted into another family? The adoption aspect is confusing.

Agree with pp that your parents shouldn’t have let this happen.

if your SS was brought up in the same house as you as an equal sibling and your DF regards her as his own child and you regard her as a sister then split 50:50. If she was very much the step sister then you split your mums assets 50:50 and you get your dads?
where is her dad in all this?

My folks want us to negotiate together what we want in their wills before they draw them up

This is really not on

They should either decide, or discuss and then decide. Not push the problem onto you.

They aren't showing themselves to be great parenting, are they.

I would say to your parents that you don't feel it's at all appropriate for you or your sister to be involved in this decision and you would far rather they used their wealth to ensure that they are comfortable happy and healthy for as long as possible. Whether they divide their legacy between you equally, or decide it's rational to favour one over the other, or keave the whole lot to a donkey sanctuary, is entirely up to them. Asking you to be involved sounds too much like act one of King Lear.

If she's adopted she is an equal child of the marriage and the estate should go 50:50. If it's which of you want which keepsakes, bits of jewellery, pictures, furniture, etc, then negotiate away.

Your dad adopted her but didn’t bring her up?

Readers are confused whether your sister was adopted by your dad or another couple.

Do either of your parents have other children?

I've never heard of anyone being expected to "negotiate" their inheritance so it could be written into a will.

Assuming your sister was adopted by your dad, or was brought up by him then starting point would be 50:50 split.

The fact there even is this "negotiation" and that your sister is opening with more than half means there is likely some pertinent information we don't have here.

If you are very wealthy and your sister is struggling and her receiving more than 50% would make a huge difference to her life, maybe that would be a sensible idea. But circumstances change and even then I might assume 50:50 and you could always vary the will to give her a higher share at the time if you wanted.

If that's not the case and your sister thinks she deserves more than 50% to compensate for a disadvantaged childhood then I'd disagree with that suggestion. Inheritance isn't there to make up for lack of family. 50:50 split would still fly imo.

Is it actually the value of the estate you are meant to be negotiating over rather than eg individual pieces of jewellery, furniture whatever that can't be cut in half in the way money can?

What a ridiculous position for your parents to put you in.

How stressful! Hope you sort things amicably OP

When did she come back into your/your mums life?

Is your sister likely to inherit anything from her biological father?

How old was she when your parents married?

You say she was adopted but your dad didn't raise her, which doesn't make sense.

Either way, your parents should just make their own decision rather than passing on the responsibility to you, and you and your sister shouldn't even be talking about who will get what when they are dead.

Was she adopted by another couple, so your mother is a birth mother rather than her mother? If she was placed for adoption, then legally she is not your mother's daughter and any inheritance she has coming to her would come through her adoptive family and yours would be 100% from your parents (assuming no other siblings).

Of course, relationships are not so simple so I am not sure what is fair if she has become part of your parents' life. If your father doesn't consider her his daughter but your mother wants to treat her like one in the will, then your sibling should probably get 50% of your mother's share of the inheritance, which would be 25%.

What if one parents passes before the other?

Who adopted her, your dad?

Agree with @DoublePeonies - your Dad & Mum have 50% each & leave to their child(ren). So presumably you would get 75%.

Or, your parents both have half the assets.
Your Dad splits his between all of his kids (just you?). Your mum splits hers between all of her kids (so 25% of everything to you and your sister).
That gives you 75% of the total, and your half sister 25%, plus a possibility of inheriting from elsewhere.

In your shoes I’d pass the decision to your Dad.

If there's a good chance of your half sister inheriting from her adoptive parents then maybe she should receive less from your parents. Whatever the situation, your parents should come to this conclusion themselves, not put it on you two.

You say they have quite a lot of assets. Would 50/50 not give you an adequate inheritance?

Wow.
Your parents are being crazy putting the two of you in the position of 'negotiating' your share of the inheritance!

They should decide what's fair and just give you what they think that is, taking into account whatever they think are the pertinent issues.

This way isn't negotiation, it's two siblings in the position of putting each other on the spot and having to pit their own self interest against the other's, and the outcome is less likely to be a balanced and fair assessment and more likely to be the result of who is more inclined to dig their heels in / stamp their foot / not want to seem greedy etc etc.

I can't imagine a strategy more likely to damage your relationship and cause resentment!

Obviously inheritances can do that anyway but, that's usually if the deceased have blatantly favoured someone or some ruthless type spits the dummy out and drags everyone into a nasty fight... rarely if the parents try to be fair and the siblings accept their wishes without dispute.

I'd be inclined to talk to your parents and say that being asked to divide the spoils is unpleasant, and due to the emotive disparity in background and too much at stake it can't easily be a calm 'negotiation' and it's highly likely to damage the sibling relationship as it will be nearly impossible to get a decision that both feel is fair.

Tell them that the will should be the expression of their wishes and that is the only way anything is going to feel fair.