Cruel calls

I have known this twice, both times with degenerative brain conditions, one a tumour, the other Alzheimer's. One walked out a shop and claimed she had just been told that her son had died. I believe she hallucinated. The othet told people she was being beaten by her gentle husband and poisoned by him. It was awful, but in the moment, she believed it. She was calling him Dr Crippen! Thankfully, she went into a nursing home shortly after.

I would be extremely surprised if they realisecwhat they're doing, but if it is a part of their personality it will be exaggerated.

I stronglyadvise you not to cut them off, they are incredibly vulnerable, but you need help too.

Not really. It sometimes helps to joke about things as in if you don’t laugh you’d cry ( or is that just us northerners ?)

My FIL would rage about all the food that had been thrown on the floor and bark at us not to walk through it but to clear it up. The floor was immaculate, nothing there.

@Nevernottrying
My poor MIL in her late nineties used to get so confused about who was dead and who was still alive. She was distraught one day because she believed my SIL, her daughter, had died. We got my SIL to phone her straight away but she couldn't hear and was stricken with such grief that it was painful to watch.
It is like being in the Matrix. How do they know what is true or not true?

Surely if they have done this before, you would know from experience that they are lying? Can’t you just tell them that you know they are lying and you’re not prepared to listen to it anymore, and hang up?
I think you should talk to another family member so you aren’t on your own with this bizarre behavior.

I don't think some posters understand that dementia sufferers truly believe these terrible stories

My mother died of dementia. It was hard when she stopped recognising us. When she refused to believe that I was her daughter. When she claimed that someone in the road had stolen her daughter and I was pretending to be her.
She claimed that people were living in her house and stealing her food. That my uncle, long dead, was having loud parties each night so that she couldn't sleep. She told me that my darling, dearest sister was beating her black and blue ( no bruises)
She truly believed all of the nonsense she told us. It was easier to promise to fix the problems and reassure her.
Then she stopped talking and babbled noises.
I really, really loved my mother but it was undoubtedly a release when she died.
Dementia is the cruellest disease. The person you have loved all your life gradually disappears.
It is so unsettling and upsetting.

You say they've got form for this sort of behaviour - in which case, you should adopt "the boy who cried wolf" approach - simply assume everything they tell you is a lie until you can prove otherwise.

Why can't you talk to the rest of the family? Just tell them that the couple have been caught out lying yet again.

Can you, and anyone else who gets the calls, just not answer? If it's early morning then block calls before a certain time?

?

Does your SIL have dementia, ?

Yes unfortunately, and the sweetest of women.

Have they always been like this, OP? Do they actually have a dementia diagnosis? It sounds incredibly cruel if they are just playing a prank. I didn't think someone with dementia would have the wherewithal to play pranks.

Does your SIL have dementia, @gardenmusic?

Just because someone’s ill or ND their actions don’t suddenly transform to harmless.

No one is saying it does make the consequences harmless but you are completely wrong and have completely the wrong approach to describe them as 'wicked' or to say 'I can’t even talk to the cruel old couple" which is just nasty given this behaviour is because they have a really cruel degenerative disease.

Cruelty requires knowing malicious intention - a true responsiblitiy if you will. People with dementia are unwell and have no responsiblity for their actions which are caused by their brain degeneration.

For what its worth, be careful what you wish for. The disease will progress and the time will come when they can't speak or communication or even know how to use a phone. You will look back at this as a better time. I know that sounds unbelievable but you'll be surprised. Watching someone die of dementia and lose capability a bit at a time is a truly horrific experience.

Sounds like OP might share their DDP's sense of humour.

If they have dementia, they are ill. It is part of the illness. It is not something that warrants moral judgment.

Some people with vascular dementia try to eat their own shit. Calling someone who tries to do this disgusting imparts moral judgment. It's not their fault. They are severely ill.

There are so many other symptoms of dementia that are very very tragically sad and have terrible appearances but you have to remember (and its hard sometimes) that it is just the disease acting up

This is not a typical symptom of dementia, no. To what extent are you involved in supporting them? Do you have to take their calls, especially first thing in the morning?

Acksherly is a joke? The whole thing is weird, including the post

Agreed - very dramatic and ott. They either have dementia and don’t know what they’re doing or there’s a history here of this kind of behaviour.

Obviously, but she's talking about something that's meant to be seriously distressing to her, so it's very strange to joke about it.

It's a joke.