Everything was negative

dad was whinging on the other day about taxes etc and how definitely his generation should be entitled to free nursing home care because "we've paid in all our lives"

mum has used huge amounts of NHS resources with a baby in the 1970s and 10 days in hospital, cancer in her 30s and hysterectomy, years on warfarin, loads of investigations re arrhythmia in her 70s, a stroke and 4 months in rehab, physio, adaptations, wheelchair and carers 4 times a day for. 3.5 years, broken wrist and nursing home respite. Oh and a hip replacement and broken her wrist twice before the stroke. Weekly visit by district nurses for catheter management and pretty much monthly crisis visit to unblock it.

dad has had knee surgery, a hernia, surgery after a motorbike accident and massive 12 hour surgery by a professor for a very rare cancer which kept him in intensive care for 3 weeks. Plus free accommodation for my mum as the hospital was not local. And other stuff I can't even remember

they have used more than they ever put in, my mum has never worked and dad retired at 55 !

You complain, I offer to help, you refuse help? That’s fine. No one has to accept my help. But repeat that 5 times? I lose interest

Yes, it's exactly this!

Oh I’m cringing! So many similar stories here!

“In the end I gave up and ignored the whining completely because I had taken so much time to find things to enable her to socialise and she refused to do any of them.
Sympathy only goes so far, I'm happy to help but not when you wont do anything to help yourself. It made me sad in the end because she could have had a varied social life if she had wanted to but what can you do? you cant force people.”

Oh this is absolutely where I am now.

You complain, I offer to help, you refuse help? That’s fine. No one has to accept my help. But repeat that 5 times? I lose interest.

My nan was like this, it was so frustrating.

Constantly moaned that she was lonely (I get it- am not unsympathetic to that at all) and kept asking why I couldnt go round there daily. I have to work full time! I cant just take the day off whenever I feel like it as I have bills to pay.

So, I suggested and researched loads of social groups in the community for her during the times I couldnt visit. Her mobility was amazing and no issues there. But nope- there was something wrong with every suggestion I made, she didnt like them, nothing was ever good enough and she found fault with everything. I then suggested she go to the local church as she had a strong faith, it was a lovely friendly community and had loads of social events but she refused point blank because "the vicar hadn't personally knocked on her door to introduce himself". As if he has the time to knock on every single door in the entire neighbourhood! I know that even if he had she'd have found some other negative reason not to go.

In the end I gave up and ignored the whining completely because I had taken so much time to find things to enable her to socialise and she refused to do any of them.

Sympathy only goes so far, I'm happy to help but not when you wont do anything to help yourself. It made me sad in the end because she could have had a varied social life if she had wanted to but what can you do? you cant force people.

Christ yes. Mum has no thyroid so had been cold for the last 30 years, but she now has the house up to 27c if she can. I get sick with migraine every time I visit them.

My dad has just had a hip replacement and the fucking complaining is beyond the pale.

He had to wait for the physiotherapist to come to see him.
A nurse helped him up and down the corridor then didn't come back the next day to do it again because she was obviously avoiding him 🙄.
He's been an obnoxious prick to all the staff apparently. I really should send a card and some sweets with an apology as he was vile.
Someone in the bed opposite had a bone infection and therefore dad was at risk of catching it and the NHS were negligent putting them in the same ward.
The painkillers make him drowsy.
He stops the painkillers and now he's in pain and it's the NHS's fault.
He's not allowed to drive for 8 week, it's a disgrace.

I'm dreading his next one and I'll bet the ward aren't looking forward to his return either.

My dad, late 80's is very much like this. My mum not so much. It's draining!

My mum was a fan of the not so silent whisper 😣Bloody mortifying! Both of my parents were the same - as a pp said they almost fed off each other and everything was / is taken out of context. My dad had a raging argument with a neighbour about parking as they parked outside my parents house - its on street parking and no permits etc needed. We (siblings and I) just feel lucky that they live in a quite 'naice' area and no-one has taken them to task when they've beeb really bloody rude to people

I think a lot of it comes from feeling scared and anxious.

Do they use Social media? My MIL reads so much scare mongering stuff on FB that they’re now scared of their own shadows. Like you say - think everyone is out to short change them so they misread a situation and jump in to ‘protect’ themselves when it’s not needed. It then comes across as rude. Annoying thing is they tell the children untrue things. We tried pointing out that FB is often untrue/one person opinion/out of context but they’re adamant they know best. We just don’t eat out or go anywhere with them as it’s too much hassle, quite sad really.

Kind of a win/win then? 😂

I think I'd be tempted to say it just to get some peace

Thank god MIL is not like this at all, and dearly departed DM was an absolute ray of sunshine 99.9% of the time (although she did take against 1 in 1000 people and woe betide them).

Yes! And they are all active participants in giving silent treatment, blocking people on FB or going No Contact altogether…They all do it as if that’s how they were taught to deal with minor criticism in their developing years.

we have 8 parents between us due to remarriages and they’re all exactly the same with this.

Love them dearly. It is hard work and I’m pleased to have been able to rant so thank you for this thread. It makes me feel less alone as the struggles have had me in tears in the last 4 weeks as I’m stressed about how they’d all cope as they become older.

“then they whine about how their childhoods were hard, their parents were awful and unloving”

Yup.

Bring their behaviour up with them and ask them what it’s about & to stop it!

If I do that I get the silent treatment.

It is a thing of joy.

Same with my parents and DHs parents. They whine about younger people vaping even though they all smoked from age 11ish.

everything back in “their day” was better until we remind them “it’s STILL your day. You’re both still alive and active enough to try and enjoy life”

😂 then they whine about how their childhoods were hard, their parents were awful and unloving, school was sexist, jobs were sexist, wars, poverty, only crisps for tea, protests and then they finally agree it wasn’t better back then at all 😂

Happens every single time!

Honestly though, it’s embarrassing. We were in a shop and they started needlessly criticising the poor girl behind the counter to me under their breath

What would they say if you said "thats not very nice is it?" and challenged them about it?

Oh god yes - talking about people when they are right there 🥴.

My in laws are like this. We tend to say something like “oh dear, maybe that person you’re upset about has had a bad day” and then change the subject otherwise it’s never ending.

Being retired means spending a lot of time together. Negativity is infectious I've found. Sometimes I pull my fun sponge DH up on it, sometimes I ignore, sometimes I agree for peace.

Where do you think the expression "Merry widow" came from 🙈😂

My nan is like this. Always was like it, but markedly worse the older she gets

I just zone it out and hope I find more to be cheerful about as I get older and it won’t be doom and gloom!

Mine have started coming out with weird stuff, that people walking past are staring into their windows and cards driving past are being inconsiderate and loud. They are looking for things !! It’s so odd. They also do this at my house, so they think everyone is out to get them regardless of where they are.

another thing they do that freaks me out is they interpret everything as being nasty that someone says to them . If they are mowing the lawn and a neighbour comments “it’s a lovely day for mowing” my dad will start saying to my mum “ did you hear the sarcasm ? “ and repeats the phrase in a unpleasant tone- it’s honestly so odd.

My dm got like that. It took over from her constantly envying the neighbours for having better things than she did.

It was exhausting.