Everything was negative

@TorroFerney wondering if we are related. My mother took to only ordering seabass about 6 years ago. Never shown any interest in fish before. DH thinks it is because it ‘sounds posh’ , she very Hyacinth Bucket though. Then when it comes she complains it’s dry.

Oh yes the rudeness to people in the service industry. My husband dies 100 deaths every time we take my mother out for a meal. She only eats fish dishes now so we will go round the table and everyone else will say can i have / I'd like/ could I order the x , could I have that without the whatever thank you. Get to her - "seabass - no sauce".

Oh and recently we had - said in a negative way "I was in half an hour with the nurse" me, that's good isn't it, she was obviously being thorough.

Our neighbour is a gloom merchant mid seventies, reads the telegraph every day. I wish he'd read it in the evening instead of at breakfast it really sours his day and his wife gets the worst of the fallout.

I've noticed increased paranoia and depression in 3 of my elderly relatives. DF even said he'd lived too long as he didn't understand the world any more. The newspapers (especially Daily Fail) are full of hate and negativity and if all their friends are dying off and that's all they're reading the negativity must impact them.

I interact in small doses as I find it too tiring running around apologising for them and their interactions all the time!

I'm not being funny but are they right wing newspaper readers? Picked up a copy of a popular daily at a friend's house. Flipped through it. There was hate on every page.

My friend is a clever, retired professional but it rubs off on her. She was going on a bout migrants and benefits. I gave her the info from Gov.uk about migrant's money. She asked me if I trusted the website.

I went home, head in hands.

Being pernickety about food is a post menopause thing. It's bloody annoying

Absolutely agree with this. Before she lost her speech mum was always a very positive, cheerful person and never complained about anything. She was a really sunny person to be around and even now it amazes me that she remains as cheerful as she does manage while being paralysed down one side with a catheter and unable to speak. Her biggest influence was Pollyanna

my dad, on the other hand, could find a negative side to winning the lottery.

@sprigatito my father in law is like this too at 84- but doesn't have Alzheimer's- the only thing that's a bit annoying is he is convinced everyone (not family) is ripping him off - however apart from that- he is very cheery - must be the copious wine and nuts and olives!!

So glad to have found this thread. I am finding MIL really hard work recently, everything is negative and every news story is something else to worry or grumble about. The smallest thing or inconvenience is such a big deal that will be seen as a personal attack. The rudeness in restaurants and comments about how people look or what they are wearing is just embarrassing and makes me reluctant to go out with her much these days.

A lot of truth here. You get to a certain age and it's funerals not weddings, aches and pains don't get better like when you're younger, and the pathway to permanent oblivion is getting shorter (will my cancer come back to strike me down?!). But....hide your fears and try and be the perfect guest, paste on a smile and eventually it does become 2nd nature 😊😊😊

I like the sound of your Dad. 👍🏻

He sounds brilliant.

My cousin sent me a joke once, it was a cartoon of 2 elderly ladies in a restaurant, and the waiter is standing beside them asking "Is anything alright with your meal, ladies?"

That just sums it up really, and was perfect timing as we'd just been out for Mother's Day lunch with our mums and they did nothing but sneer and moan all the way through it.

"Misery loves company" right enough.

@AudiobookListener yes- I think that's a big part of it too

My Mum is like this, almost all the time.
Everything is rubbish and everyone is out to do her some harm or take advantage or have an ulterior motive.
I've been suffering lately with the menopause and my Dr wanted me to try supplements before HRT. Fine I'm happy to do that.
I don't like in the UK and the supplements are expensive here, what does Mum say!....how much? they saw you coming...

Thanks Mum.

Maybe the message these elderly complainers are trying to convey is:

All my joints hurt, I can't hear, I'm frightened of dementia and cancer and death. I wish I was young again, I've wasted my life....

But they can't say any of that out loud because it's too scary and won't change anything. So they just complain about cold milk in coffee because at least that's controllable.

My elderly dad is the same. I think old age must be scary and stressful.

My mum is only mid 50's but she's the exact same never a good word to say about anyone & every time we go out to eat she's always got some complaints it's so exhausting

I feel your pain OP I took my 80yr mum into town yesterday and omg the moaning and negativity, must be an age thing

@Lifestooshort71 yep- I think smaller worlds mean you focus on things that aren't always a biggie - when life's a lot more varied and can make some seem negative. The other things you mention are pertinent too- I had some health things 2 years ago post covid (I'm now 62) and I know for at least 10 months I was totally preoccupied and constantly anxious and not exactly a barrel of laughs

I'm in my 70's and am aware of having grumpy days but I pull myself together before I go out because nobody likes a whinger. Sometimes everyday life is a huge worry (health issues, will our savings run out before we die, who's going to mend the leaky shower etc, etc) and other days I just cope better with it all. If I was ever as nasty to other people as I've read on here, I'd hope my family would pull me up on it at the time (in a friendly huggy way!) cos I'd be mortified.

Sometimes, as your world gets smaller and future options become limited, life can feel pretty miserable but that's never an excuse for being mean.

Plenty of people born in the 1970s still have children at primary school too!

I think your maths is way off. If you were born in 1960 you’re going to be 64 at the most. So not really very old (yet). Plenty of people born in the 1970s have still got children in secondary school!

I certainly think some of it in older couples is a feeling of being stuck with the other person- who they no longer like that much-

With single older people I've found it's a mix and as someone else said I think it's a combination of depression, aches and pains and downright boredom- many have no interests or hobbies and local friends have died/moved away/in care etc

My FIL is 84 and despite having been widowed twice he is actually quite jolly, still drives 200 miles to see us fairly regularly (he prefers coming to us ) he does suffer from the thinking everyone's out to rip him off but that's as bad as he gets

our very difficult to please parents are all late 1940s babies.

However, my grandparents born in 1910s and 1920s were upbeat, active, interested, interesting and were absolutely the kindest people ever. They were amazing listeners & were always happy to hear about “the youth” and how the world was changing around them. I miss them very much!

I hope I’m more like the latter. I’m learning to really listen to people and their stories. Especially at work.

I don't think it's generational, I think some people are just like that!

My parents were born in the 1940s,
before the welfare state came in. Lots of whingeing, huge sense of entitlement, lots of negativity. Yet I know others of a similar age who aren't like that at all.

Don't brains change as we get older so we become more insular and focussed on our own needs, with less empathy for others?

Mine did a lengthy classic moan a while ago, on and on and on about how what I'd had done to my house was so much easier than what they'd had to deal with. They had a room redecorated. It took a week and the decorator moved the furniture for them. They're retired. I'd done a five month full house renovation whilst working full time and with a primary aged child! I'm not sure what aspect of that was meant to be easier!