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Elderly parents
Original poster

DM on end of life pathway

33 replies

Witchlite · 10/07/2024 20:35

DM is on end of life pathway. Fully dosed up on massive doses of painkillers and anti psychotics as she has stage 7 Alzheimer’s mixed with vascular dementia and broken bones. Absolutely no hope of recovery - but it’s taking so long. She can’t eat or drink as aspirates all by mouth. We spent hours trying to get food into her before this last fall, yet it’s been 9 days.

Totally soul destroying, we’ve (her children) read to her, played music and just talked about everything and nothing. she doesn’t respond. Hardly surprising the level of drugs. I’m note sure it helps her, but it makes us feel slightly more useful.

just how long?

OP posts:
CatchHimDerry · 10/07/2024 21:02

Absolutely not wicked.

Natural and valid feelings and, in all likelihood, she would feel the same way.
Does anybody really want to live like that at the end? I’d think not.

My nana is constantly telling me she’s ready to die (don’t think it’s her time just yet though). They feel it too.

Head high lovely, it won’t be much longer I think xx

Hugesunflower · 10/07/2024 20:59

Not wicked at all. It’s a long, terrible process. I there are few people who don’t feel the same way. There is a long running thread on this board about waiting for a loved one to die.

Is she taking any fluids at the moment? Has her breathing changed at all? Have the staff given any indication?

I think with my Mum they expected her to go pretty fast as in the previous days she had several hypo, almost coma level as her pancreas had just stopped working. She wasn’t diabetic, just everything was nolonger working. Even then it took nearly 3 days. It’s not always easy to predict.

TammyJones · 10/07/2024 20:59

We went through this over Christmas/ new year.
It was about 10 days.
We were there the day before.
It was just awful, and not the way I ever wanted to remember them.
It won't be long now.
Then be gentle with yourself Flowers

olympicsrock · 10/07/2024 20:59

It won’t be long . Hand in there. Love and strength xxx

Original poster
Witchlite · 10/07/2024 20:54

When we started, there was someone with her 24 hours a day - the hospital staff are so very lovely and we trust DM with them (sounds ridiculous I know) so now we each do about 6 hour shifts.

but we’re all so exhausted- this has followed 3 years of caring for her.

Is it wicked to say I want it to end? It makes me feel so guilty. I feel sad, angry, numb and just a bit glad it’s going to end.

sorry a bit of a rant of things I can’t say in real life. Just sitting in my car in the car park, feeling a bit desperate and deciding to stay at the Premier Inn tonight.

OP posts:
AurumTroyoz · 10/07/2024 20:53

I feel for you so much @Witchlite . We have just been through this too. MiL lived for 8 days without food and tiny sips of water. We did as you are, talked, read, laughed and cried by her bed.
It's exhausting! I honestly thought it wasn't going to end and we were living in some surreal world, but then suddenly she died.
Nine days is such a long time to watch someone die. I hope she finds the peace she deserves soon and you are able to grieve as you need to.

CatchHimDerry · 10/07/2024 20:47

Hi Op

Im so sorry you are going through this.

My DM’s job is end of life care and, whilst nobody can say how long, she tells me that if not eating / drinking it’s usually not long then and they will be past the pain.

Im not sure if that’s any comfort at all alongside this time of great sadness 💐

What you are doing is amazing. I know how hard it is my dear grandad didn’t do well at the end but I like to think that maybe somewhere in there he knew we were there and was comforted. She will be too xx

RappersNeedChapstick · 10/07/2024 20:39

I really feel for you @Witchlite but I don't think anyone can tell you how long. What you're doing for her sounds lovely though Flowers

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