Inheritance

Absolutely this - absolute greed!

We do grasp it and we still think she needs to be grateful for what she’s getting.

Once again, it's not about money. It's about equal treatment.

You are only focusing on the money (and for the record, my parents have nothing, they are in a poor developing country, I pay for a lot of their expenses, which your children definitely don't do since they tell you to spend your money, you clearly have lots). You're saying OP should be happy she's getting 650K, but it's not about that!

If the OP's mother left her house to a cat's home, but divided the rest among her kids equally, it wouldn't cause any hurt feelings. As she's treating all of them the same. If she decided to leave nothing to any of them - same thing.

The issue here is, she's favouring one child over the rest.

If it was about something else... say, ice creams. Parent buys one child a small cone, and the other a big cone, for no obvious reason, people would definitely say it's unfair!
Buying one child nice clothes and the other hand-me-downs - also unfair!

Also I have no idea why you're obsessed with the crying. OP isn't a schoolyard bully or violent abuser, that's yelling at a victim making them cry. She and her mother are grown women. They had an emotionally loaded discussion, and she was crying too. That's a normal reaction. I don't think any one party should be blamed for 'making' anybody shed tears.

As @NomadAlone pointed out, it's not about the money at all. Very few posters seem to grasp this.

The second inheritance may only partially materialise as it could be eaten up by care costs.

i would get the mortgage paid off.

She favours her son and doesn’t care about hurting the daughters.

But you stand to inherit a lot even though son gets more. Just accept it. But how much help you give is up to you.

I understand completely what the OP is saying. It isn’t about the money, it is about the unequal treatment.

If she is adamant there is nothing you can do, but I would adamant that he helps her rather than you. He can’t have it both ways.

This.

Can you bot just be happy to get a large inheritance and stop moaning about the unfairness of it?

I’m in the astonished camp.

you are getting a massive gift and eventually a massive inheritance. Just be grateful.

and be kind to your mum ffs. Her life, her choice.

My kids wouldn't even think to ask, they all tell me to spend what we have and enjoy it and they don't expect anything. If you think it odd to think someone getting around £650k should be happy then I think you have some issues, most of us couldn't imagine such good fortune.

Maybe you equate money with love, not something I do or my children do, maybe an upbringing thing? Your poor parents, just walking cash machines.

Challenging your mother to the extent you make her cry because you want what you think is your fair share is shitty behaviour.

It isn't just in theory that they can do what they want with it, it is an actual fact.

King Lear had it right, "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!"

The more you post, the more sorry I feel for your children, the amount of manipulation and guilt tripping you're likely to lay on them. And the fact that you see inheritance as a reward says a lot.

It's not about the money. It's about fairness and equal treatment.

Being an 'old woman' doesn't mean you can't be questioned. Being a parent doesn't mean that your judgement is always right. After all the world is full of horrible and nasty people, and almost all of them have children! And get old one day. Doesn't make them saints.

I can't imagine ever treating kids unfairly. Inheritance, along with other things that aren't basic needs is reflective of parental attitudes towards their kids. Although in theory they can do what they want with it.

Sometimes its not the money but what the money represents.
But yes, OP seems in a good state, compared to many.

I genuinely think that you and your sisters are being greedy and ungrateful. I’m not just saying that to be nasty. I know sometimes on Mumsnet, posters are gratuitously nasty for fun, but I’m not doing that.

I really think you should be happy to be so financially fortunate. How can someone so privileged get so miserable about not getting as much free dosh as they want?

Particularly when you are being offered £150k now and half a million at some stage.

Inheritance issues can break families. If you care about yours let it go. Life is too short.

Oh yes they'd be truly blessed if they made an old woman cry, definitely need rewarding for that. Fortunately my children aren't like that.

I can't find where it says the OP and her sisters are the main caregivers. She says the brother and her and her sisters aren't so is there any indication who is the main carer.

Your poor children....

This OP
Also once you get the money stop helping so much
Let your brother do all the hard work

If one of my children treated me like you have treated your mother they would get nothing.

Ah, its a lazy man getting more than women. Well I never.

Yip!

Accept the £150k immediately.

After that I would point out quite strongly at almost every occasion I was with them quite how unfairly I was being treated relative to my brother. I would make it a pain point at every meeting.

@Sillybluecat it will and certainly does make you feel not just undervalued, but worthless, when one sibling is favoured over the rest!!! I know from personal experience. I had known what was going to happen many years before when my father was still alive. my mother had voiced her wishes at that point and we all disagreed, except the golden child!!! mother then changed her will after dad died, so she got to do what she wanted and give the family home to the golden child who was then unable to ever move in because she couldnt use stairs. niece then got the house for nothing!!!

I think you have to have a straightforward from-the-heart conversation with your mother. Not about the actual amount of money, but how it makes you feel that she is not treating each of her children equally. Point out that your brother is receiving something like 4 times the amount that each of you 'girls' are (if I've done the maths), and that this makes it seem as if she loves her son more than her daughters.