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Elderly parents

Mum lives aboard and just had a health scare - how can I care for her. Any advice is welcome

31 replies

workoutlife · 23/06/2024 07:13

My mum is in her early 70s and usually in good health. She lives abroad by herself (long story), but the country she lives in provides excellent health care.
A week ago, she was admitted to the hospital due to very high blood pressure. She suddenly lost her memory and asked things repeatedly. At the A&E, the doctor gave her some medication and within an hour, she regained her memory and was discharged the next day. Luckily, she has a good neighbour and a couple of good friends, and I flew to her immediately. At the hospital, they suspected a minor stroke, but it turned out not to be the case after examining the MRI report. The doctor said he could not spot any anomaly from the MRI, but there were some minor 'white spots' due to normal ageing. She does have relatively high cholesterol and has started to take medicine to control it now. Her mind is sharp, and she still plays three instruments. But sometimes I worry about her interaction with people as she seems to insist on certain things -i.e. asking the shop assistants to do tasks, often tech-related, for her.

My mum has some good friends but they are all quite busy as they are younger, and won't be with her as often as I'd like. I am concerned that the isolation will have negative impact on her health. My mum also still feels that she is in her 50s which I suppose is a good thing but can be dangerous at times.

I am the only child and super close to my mum, especially after losing my dad at a young age. I'd like to bring my mum back to the UK and live with me for a while, but at the same time, I am worried that A&E here won't be as efficient compared to the country she lives in in case of emergency. If anything happens, I will regret it forever.

But I also don't want to leave her alone in the country where she has lived for a long time. A 50/50 split would be suitable for now. But again, she cannot live with me for longer than six months, she is not a British citizen.

Sorry for the long post. I have been in shock as Mum usually is the stronger one. Can I add her to Mum's private health insurance back in the UK?

Any advice is welcome. Thank you so much.

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 23/06/2024 07:38

It sounds as if she had a TIA. It's good that she has medication. It sounds as if you are seeing a little bit of decline that concerns you.

I think I would have her over to visit, but her setup at home sounds lovely and not to be given up lightly. Would she carry a phone with her routinely?

I do wonder if you need to just let the shock of this sudden knock on the door from her mortality settle down.

workoutlife · 23/06/2024 07:34

@Caspianberg - The problem is that she insists that she is 100% fine and happy with her life. My other concern is her lack of interaction with people, as before retirement, she had a very busy life. She keeps telling me that she is fine. But I am new to caring about the elderly parent, so I am not sure if I should believe her entirely. Before this recent incident, I totally trusted her on her health but only found out that she has high cholesterol and her blood pressure device is no longer accurate.

OP posts:
workoutlife · 23/06/2024 07:26

Thank you for the reply. Yes, I asked her and she wants to move and live with me. She is also comfortable with her current life but I am just really worried - am I overthinking things? My biggest concern about her living with me is the health system in the UK. My colleague's mum had a stroke two years ago, and it took the ambulance hours to come; they missed the "golden hour" as a result. She is in a care home now, and my colleague is devastated.

OP posts:
Caspianberg · 23/06/2024 07:17

Does she want to move?
I wouldn’t in her scenario

I would get some home help for her. It’s likely she can get this arranged free via medical services also. But also option to get someone private who can help her a few times a week for company and sorting things out

Wallywobbles · 23/06/2024 07:17

Where is your mum? I would hate it if my child made me move away from my life. Have you asked her what she wants and how she will manage things going forward? I live in a different country to my DM. These choices have consequences.

malachitegreen · 23/06/2024 07:15

would she be entitled to medical care in the UK?