Because I'm looking ahead and feeling anxious about the future. At the moment, my DP are OK. They're both around 80 (one just over, one just under). My DM is teetering on the edge of a dementia diagnosis (I think). She's already been diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment, and has definitely deteriorated a lot since then. She also has a variety of health problems and anxiety which mean she basically can't do very much at all now in terms of practicalities (though no personal care needs). DDad is currently fine, and looks after everything (all admin, most cooking etc).
So all just about ok. But I notice now that dad's memory is starting to decline, and he's beginning to ask advice about things he never would have before. And I'm fairly sure that DM's needs will start to increase.
In theory I'm happy to help, but I just have so little time. I read about people on MN who do so much for their DP. I don't mean actual 'care' in the sense of being a live in carer - but popping in frequently, clearing fridges, doing or organising shopping, paying bills etc.
DH and I both work full time, which means six days a week in the office, because of the nature of our jobs. We also frequently do a little bit of work at home in the evenings. No possibility to wfh or flex hours. We live an hour and a half (two hours if traffic) away from my DP. We have two teenage kids. We just about manage to fit in our own domestic stuff and admin in the time we have at home (though even then it's a real squeeze and things are often sorted out late in the evening or get delayed). We also have another set of parents who live a similar distance away and where one has dementia (though now in a care home)
If my DP start to need more help, I just don't know how I'd manage. If DM was on her own then she'd definitely need assisted living of some sort - but even with dad at home, I suspect they might soon need more help with general life admin and domestic tasks.
I know I could work less, but I don't want to. Our life is very busy, but we love our jobs and our life. I could visit more than I do, and have already started doing this, but I'm reluctant to increase to eg once every week or two, as that would mean giving up the only non working day of my week to visit either my DP or my husband's. Even if I was OK with that, I don't think it would be fair on my kids.
Sorry, long post, but two questions. First, am I being selfish? Is the reality of this stage of life simply that I have to accept that I either cut down my work or give up most of my free time for my DP? Secondly, if not, then how do people manage? Are there resources that can help provide the kind of support my DP might start to need? They don't need carers as such, and may not for a long time - but they may well start needing more help with appointments, shopping, admin etc. Am I missing an obvious solution? (NB financially they're in the middle - self funding and comfortable, but not with money to burn.)