Staff Borrowed Beer from Relative in Care Home

Try not to feel guilty, it's great you can FaceTime.

Obviously many scenarios have been illustrated.
However, if I was a resident at a care home, I might feel I HAD to lend the beer, as I might sound churlish to say no, also, if I refused, would I get not nice "care" in future.
In my mind, the resident should not have been asked, should not have been put in the position of having to decide.
The fish supper needing beer..,, so what would the cook have done if it wasn't known your dad had a stash?
I vote "no" "no" and "no" again.
Its really not the same as borrowing from your mate or next door neighbour even.
That beer needs to be returned pronto, and exactly the same brand and size...
Certainly no more "borrowing " from residents....

This sounds a little bit dodgy.

If you can manage a visit soon and a look around (let it be a lovely surprise for your Dad) you might find out a little more.

Or maybe phone the manager and ask, calmly, for an explanation. Could your Dad be mistaken do you think?

I think it's highly unlikely the beer went in freshly made batter

Is it a big care home or a smaller supported living type place. In the latter the staff plan, shop and cook the meals
Themselves-in the better ones with the clients. It's quite communal and this wouldn't be super unusual in that setting, though it would be replaced straight way and the asking would be recorded.

If it's a big care home with a chef it's weird.

The cook at my Mothers care home cooks from scratch daily with themed meals and beer battered fish on a Friday night.

The home Social Services dumped her in prior the food was inedible

Depends what the catering is like in general.

carers don't cook! That beer was for drinking not for batter. Was this in the afternoon or evening? Because care home usually have sandwhiches for tea and a hot meal in the day.

I'd tell management.

I suggest you have a discussion regarding this with senior management. I really don't believe it was for cooking. I am highly suspicious. I would say borrowing anything from your dad is the start of a very slippery slope.

But there could be a innocent explanation, just based on my friends experience of her fathers' home, they had a rule- ( that came about i believe, as some guests were absolutely not allowed alcohol as it interfered with medication, or brought on cognitive issues in evening, but this lead to secret drinking 'friends' alcohol in bedrooms, or in fact stealing it, and alcohol related injuries) , so their rule was a maximum of ( i think 4 but i can't recall exactly ) units of alcohol were allowed stored in a room. I recall driving around with her trying to source a decent red wine in a half bottle size. The manager she would store other alcohol under lock for him, and top him up as needed, this apparently they did for a number of guests who would like say a whiskey at bedtime. My friends brother never visited but often sent a very expensive bottle of something

Look it’s one of 2 things: either the whole thing about the beer and the batter is a big lie and OP has much bigger problems about her father’s care than a bottle of beer being replaced.

Or the batter thing is true and people need to get some perspective.

Only OP can judge this and step 1 is obviously a call to the manager.

Unfortunately there are always some who take advantage, I say that as a member of staff and a client.

Hmm, I’m detecting some dodgy assumptions here about care home workers. No wonder they find it hard to get staff when they are treated with such suspicion and disdain.

They did not use the beer to make batter.

Slippery slope, they'll be asking to use his ipad soon, this all needs nipping in the bud now. He's asking to use the cable because he knows phones should be locked away and not used in worktime, also using the carehomes electricity which residents ultimately pay for

By very definition, residents of a care home are vulnerable and their carers are in a position of power. The carers therefore should not be asking favours of any kind from the residents. The kitchen should not be cooking meals for which they do not have the ingredients. I would assume in the situation you described your father would not have refused, even if he wanted to.

I think this warrants an email from you to the manager explaining what happened, asking for the beer to be replaced today, and an assurance that this kind of thing won't continue.

@Fergie51 I'm with you on feeling it's an imposition. He may not feel he can decline their requests, and then where would it end? Sorry, it's a bit dramatic, but what if they started asking to borrow money? Definitely make sure the beer is replaced. And reassure him he doesn't have to lend or share things with staff. That it's ok for a friend to ask that, (as long as they return or replace it) but they are professionals so are helping him, not the other way round.
I guess you can't force him to not be generous but you could gently explain it's not really on.

I would be sending them a fish batter recipe that doesn't require beer! There's one that uses fizzy water, for example. I'm almost certain they just drank it. Or they drank the beer that was supplied for the recipe and that's why they were short.
Double check with him it is still missing, then
Remind them to replace it, along with a link to the recipe. Seeing as it was a gift from you I don't think it's crossing the line to remind them,
Politely of course.
I feel like someone in his position wouldn't easily be able to say 'no' to such a request, so it's not fair. Like if he said no they might tell everyone 'oh, we can't have fried fish today cos bob wouldn't share two beers to make the batter', basically turning him into a villain?

I agree. I’ve worked in a care home kitchen and there’s no way this would have happened.

That's very cheeky, I doubt they make beer batter, I've never seen that, most food is bought in frozen. I would ring the manager and ask them to investigate this, if he willingly offered a member of staff a bottle to take home as a gift that's completely different, they need replacing and put somewhere safe with his name on.

Is there a chance there is a very strict limit on alcohol? Is there a potential issue with any medication?

I would rule out the less sinister or mean options first. I have a good friend who runs a nursing home and there are a lot of rules for the benefit of the staff and limited alcohol is one, though it is communicated to everyone.

I’m sorry , but capacity or not, there is a power imbalance between a care home resident and a member of staff. It’s not just like popping round to your neighbour to borrow some sugar. This smacks of a blurring of boundaries which need to be rock solid for the protection of both residents and staff. It also wouldn’t give me much confidence in the running of the home, if they have to scrounge off residents to prepare the meals.

This is what I thought too.

They should not have asked. Totally inappropriate and probably a lie