Over the past few years I had to make a decision to find full time nursing care for my DF. This advice came from his consultant. Unfortunately one of my siblings and DM didn’t like the advice so set about making a few, but rather pointless adaptations to our parents home. I live overseas but do try to return regularly and make an effort to keep communication open. This thread isn’t about DF. He is now safe and in an environment able to meet his needs very close to our mother’s house so she visit easily. My mother is and always has been an incredibly difficult person, forever. I do not wish to ‘out’ myself but as long as I can remember she is awkward, unsympathetic and outright contrary about things. Sadly it appears one of my siblings sees her through rose tinted glasses and is determined she has something wrong with her. She is mid 80s but all I and my other sibling see is Mum being Mum. Unfortunately our brother does not see this. She has now alienated herself from everyone. There is not a neighbour she hasn’t be incredibly rude to. She has alienated all family members, who all tried to help as they liked our DF. We have arranged for a cleaner and a gardener. She will not allow them access. We arranged a private consultation with a geriatric specialist who was fantastic- she aced the memory test but took none of the advice he gave her. It feels like she only wants us as her middle aged children to drop everything and be with her. My sister and I are both retired, she lives an hour away I am overseas but come back to England regularly. Our brother thinks we do not do enough and that we should make our parents more of a priority. He seems oblivious to the fact my sister and I took the initiative and listened to hospital staff that Dad needed full nursing care, we found the home, sorted the room etc, made sure the staff had a life history for Dad and did the paperwork. He repeatedly ignored anything such as emails from the home asking for paperwork to be done. He continues to say Mum is ‘ill’. She may well be sad about the situation but both of our parents repeatedly ignored suggestions to help them selves in later life. Well done for getting so far - feel free to ask what I am actually asking! It feels like he has literally just opened his eyes to our mothers personality. In a nutshell she would and always has been incredibly defiant. Other than move in with her my sister and I are really not sure what to do as she will not help herself or allow us to arrange help. Our brother just criticises everything we do yet turns up when it suits him, not Mum, faffs about and leaves. Thanks for listening that feels abit better.