Page 3 | Sister's attitude

Sisterattitude · 2024-05-25T09:56:30+00:00

I'm currently staying with my mum who has dementia. The reason I'm here is because of my sister's neglect. She's out a lot and didn't notice my mum's declining health. Since I've been here my sister treats me like staff. She constantly criticises me and my efforts in taking care of my mum. I'm not being paid to look after my mum and see myself as helping out though I'm with her 24/7. I cook and prepare all mum's meals. My sister doesn't approve of what I cook which are all very healthy. Lean meat, fish, lots of vegetables, salad etc the other night she looked at what I'd prepared and said that if she'd received that in a restaurant she'd send it back. My sister doesn't lift a finger to support my mum, does nothing around the house and doesn't contribute towards rent or bills.shes out most nights and weekends and goes on lots of holidays. The caring is left to me. When she gets in from work she quizzes my mum about what she's done and what she's eaten. If something has gone wrong she's very quick to blame me. I'm fed up! What would you do?

DoreenonTill8 · 25/05/2024 11:27

Sisterattitude · 25/05/2024 11:13

My sister has lived with my mum for three years after a relationship breakup. I moved in as my mum had lost a lot of weight, her fridge was filthy full of out of date and mouldy food and couldn't shop or cook for herself. She doesn't eat or drink without prompting and was very down.

Show quote history

If your sister lives there is she living with unhygienic cooking/kitchen facilities?
How is she managing her meals?

TraitorsGate · 25/05/2024 11:25

Mum needs a care assessment from her gp and a referral to social services plus a capacity assessment. Does anyone have p.o.a. and does mum have capacity. You can refer mum to adult social services and explain the situation about your sister living there rent free and neglecting mum.

Original poster

Sisterattitude · 25/05/2024 11:24

Renamed · 25/05/2024 11:21

How did you find out about your mum being neglected, are there other relatives involved? As I understand it’s not your sister’s house - are you just saying nothing to her? Have either of you got Power of Attorney? If you are there temporarily, and your sister can’t provide any care, your mum will need residential care by the sounds of it.

I arranged a needs assessment with social services and contacted adult safeguarding. I've organised care in shopping, preparing meals and prompting for when I leave.

I don't have POA for finances or welfare, my sisters do. I found out about my mum's neglect when I stayed with her over Christmas. I'd wrongly assumed my sister was looking after her.

OP posts:

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/05/2024 11:22

Second residential care.

TomatoSandwiches · 25/05/2024 11:22

Time to sell the house and get mum in a care home, sister will have to find her own place to live.

Renamed · 25/05/2024 11:21

How did you find out about your mum being neglected, are there other relatives involved? As I understand it’s not your sister’s house - are you just saying nothing to her? Have either of you got Power of Attorney? If you are there temporarily, and your sister can’t provide any care, your mum will need residential care by the sounds of it.

Original poster

Sisterattitude · 25/05/2024 11:20

DoreenonTill8 · 25/05/2024 11:15

If your sister is normally looking after your mum and living with her, has she lied and said alls fine until you came down? When was the last time you saw her before this?
Being devil's advocate you see posts on here where 1 child lives with the parent and is stressed to max with caring then a sibling who lives far away and hasn't been involved swoop in and start issuing orders and the advice is usually to them to 'step back, take a break!'

My sister spends so little time at home, that she simply hadn't noticed my mum's decline in health. When she is at home, she spends her time drinking and watching Netflix. My mum's needs were being neglected.

She told me that my mum had lost a lot of weight and could no longer cook. When I suggested food deliveries she said there was no need. When I saw my mum she'd lost a few stone. My sister played no role in caring for her.

OP posts:

DoreenonTill8 · 25/05/2024 11:15

If your sister is normally looking after your mum and living with her, has she lied and said alls fine until you came down? When was the last time you saw her before this?
Being devil's advocate you see posts on here where 1 child lives with the parent and is stressed to max with caring then a sibling who lives far away and hasn't been involved swoop in and start issuing orders and the advice is usually to them to 'step back, take a break!'

Original poster

Sisterattitude · 25/05/2024 11:13

YellowHairband · 25/05/2024 11:10

Does your sister live with your mum? What happened that made you move in - was there an incident?

My sister has lived with my mum for three years after a relationship breakup. I moved in as my mum had lost a lot of weight, her fridge was filthy full of out of date and mouldy food and couldn't shop or cook for herself. She doesn't eat or drink without prompting and was very down.

OP posts:

YellowHairband · 25/05/2024 11:10

Does your sister live with your mum? What happened that made you move in - was there an incident?

Original poster

Sisterattitude · 25/05/2024 11:01

DoreenonTill8 · 25/05/2024 10:59

Who's house is it? I'm not being paid to look after my mum and see myself as helping out though I'm with her 24/7.
Have you been staying there long? What's the usual situation for looking after your mum?

It's my mum's house. No mortgage. There was no usual set up. I had no idea my mum's health had declined so much as I lived a long way away. I've been with her since December.

OP posts:

DoreenonTill8 · 25/05/2024 10:59

Who's house is it? I'm not being paid to look after my mum and see myself as helping out though I'm with her 24/7.
Have you been staying there long? What's the usual situation for looking after your mum?