To not want to keep doing some kind of housework every time I visit my parents.

refuse to go and report your parents to social services, who will have to step in.

In case it's helpful - from my own experience.

A few years ago a parent had health problems and I was getting anxious about what support I would be able to provide in addition to my other work/family responsibilities.

I had a conversation with my brother which I found utterly illuminating. His suggestion was- don't even try to meet all of their needs. If they can't cope themselves - they need to fail (!) because that will help them to accept that they need outside help and seek it.

I was blown away! How could my brother be so cold? And then I wondered. How is he so good at having boundaries? How is he not feeling remotely responsible for nurturing our parents? Which of us is right? (Neither/both) What can I learn from him? (A lot)

Do you actually have POA or it's just set up and in place to use should your Dad become incompetent?

If you have it, use it.
If you don't, then step back and insist on what's needed.
Or put your mum in a home and the cost of that should wake your father up to the considerably lower costs of a part time housekeeper

This is a horrible way to spend the last few years of your mum's life. Don't let him abuse you all.

It isn't even a little harsh given how the op's poor mother is being treated. The father is a fucking monster, always has been, and the mother is suffering. This ALL could have been rectified years ago, but the op has refused to use the POA to right the situation.

This sounds harsh but it's correct.
You say "I have posted several times about this and had lots of helpful advice including taking a back seat from some of the responsibilities". This is what you should do.

Your father has a lot of money and should be using it for his wife's care, not using his daughters as unpaid skivvies. But as long as you do the skivvying he'll carry on. Your priority should be your own family and preserving your health.

Is there another family member who could lay it on the line to your father? A male one that is, he might listen to a man.

Don't run yourself ragged to make for a lazy arsed bloke who doesn't seem to care, even if it is your dad.

It is so tough OP. The emotional burden in itself can be traumatising.

Does your Mum get Attendance Allowance? She should be eligible. I know your Dad would resist but it could go towards a carer who would do your Mum’s laundry. Hopefully you and your sister could firmly tell your Dad that you cannot take on the amount you are doing, and that extra help is needed.

To be blunt, your father is the problem, why are you covering up for him?

You have posted about this lots. You’ve been advised to report your concerns to adult safegaurding, stop doing all the jobs and get some counselling for yourself.

I know you would like there to be another solution but there isn’t and you can’t change the behaviour of others only your own.

Yep l have definitely seen this post before. Follow the previous advice given and have sky high boundaries. Or your dad and to a degree your sister will continue to take the piss. Personally l would love to be in the garden but yeah there are chores l need to do first

You are a Saint OP - really I mean that! But you HAVE to prioritise yourself. You can't keep juggling all these balls as you have been doing. Looking after yourself by pulling back on chores for your parents is an absolute must. Take care now won't you.

They may be eligible for attendance allowance and could use that to pay for carers to help with household tasks and a gardener.

Age UK have people that will visit and help complete the forms in some areas, worth calling them to find out what is available locally to them.

https://www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/benefits-entitlements/attendance-allowance/

Well if you have posted before, it does sound like you're in a bad way and sound like you feel obligated for some reason.

I do feel, tho, that you can and have to find another way out of this and the way is to take a step back and put it on private agencies or getting ss involvement.

Take the clothes to the laundrette and tell Dad he will need to pay. Or tell Dsis that clothes don't need ironing (they don't) and she can wash them instead.
You can't continue like this OP. It is not sustainable. My heart goes out to you

You are doing too much, OP.

Your parents need a PA, similar to the job you do. You also mention that you clean for an elderly man - is that paid work too? Bring responsible for 4 households, only one of which is salaried is enough to drive anyone mad.

Drop the rope. See what else you can delegate to kids and partners in your house, get home help in for your parents and focus on yourself.

You have posted before, and you have been told what to do countless times.

Your mother is being seriously abused and neglected at the hands of your father and you and your sister have allowed this to go on for years. You have POA, and for some reason, apparently because you don't want to deal with your father's tantrums, refuse to use it and protect your mother from his abuse.

I really don't understand what else you're looking for. You have the answer you need in order to protect your mother and get out from being your father's skivvy.

Please don't be critical of social workers. They can't help because they have too much to do and not enough resources. Not because they don't want to help.

I am a social worker and it IS completely shit and perfectly okay to say so though - the public should complain and loudly if they want things to change. That isn't insulting individual workers. I agree with the poster above - if SS can force family into managing, they will because of the limited resource landscape.

You need to get outside help and take a step back. You need to insist your parents pay for outside help.

I know you feel obligated (I have been there) but this is obviously causing you so much in terms of MH breakdown, it's not sustainable. You need to get social services involved and say to them you're not available.

My late FiL was very stubborn and refused carers etc but couldn’t see that 4 visits a day from his ds, my DH, with me accompanying 3 visits a day was not sustainable. Money was not an issue.
In the end I, with my DH’s agreement, was very firm and told him that we were engaging carers a few times a week. We had PoA which made things much easier.
Your DP’s are likely to need increasing amounts of care and support. In order to maintain a relationship of love as opposed to resentment you need to impose boundaries now.
Would your DSis support you with engaging help and, importantly, telling your DF this is what will be happening going forward.
You cannot continue like this and nor should you.
Genuinely, employ care/domestic support and enjoy time with your DM - maybe even take her out for a cuppa somewhere rather than being snowed under with additional domestic crap.

Your call to SS should be to report elder abuse and the coercive control and financial abuse by your father towards your mother. Not to ask for a carer's assessment.
Your mother is a vulnerable person and needs protection.

For starters, if you dry the clothes in the dryer, they really don’t need to be ironed. That would be a massive amount of effort saved. The financial cost will shift to your parents as it should.

really the only way this stops is if you refuse to do the work and just keep repeating that you will help them find services to complete the domestic labor. So you are still on the hook for the admin, but not the physical labor.

I remember you posting before and I'm so sorry to hear that you've been ill. If you're the same person, I remember suggesting that you should contact social services because your mother is being abused by your father - financial abuse, emotional abuse and neglect. Would she be better off in a care home?