Not sure about NG tube for my father......

Very glad to hear he had a peaceful end, and dragged on for weeks or months. I hope it’s a comfort to you, to know you did the kindest thing. 💐

I'm glad to hear it was peaceful and not prolonged. Very similar decision made for my 88 year old dad 5 years ago. All best wishes to you as a family. 💐

I'm sorry for your loss

For what it's worth I think you made the right decision. My late DF told me several times of his wishes to not have his life prolonged should anything similar happen to him, for which I was grateful as of course it is a very difficult decision when you are suddenly faced with it.

Take care.

I’m sorry for your loss OP.

Sending love to you and your family.

Sorry for your loss op but pleased it wasn't prolonged and was peaceful.

Just came across this post, i was in the same situation as you, after my Mum had a stroke, and i asked them not to put the NG tube in. She was placed on end of life care, and passed away 3-4 weeks later.
This was almost 7 years ago now, and i'm glad i made that decision for her.
Sorry for your loss x

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your father. You absolutely did do the best thing for him,by allowing him a peaceful,gentle death. It is a gift that most of us hope to be given.

Sorry to hear about the death of your father.

You'll always know you made the right decision and he didn't suffer longer than he needed to.

Sending you all love for the coming weeks.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. But I'm glad for him, and your family, that it was quick and peaceful, and you will always be able to take comfort in knowing that you made the right decision for his end of life care.

I’m so sorry to hear of your dad’s passing. You made the right decisions from a place of love and I am glad your dad had a peaceful death. Take care of yourself x

Thanks all for sharing your stories and lessons. Currently having to make difficult decisions for DF and MN has been a godsend of information and experiences.

My dad has it written in his notes, agreed between home, doctor and me, no hospital (except for acute trauma eg compound fracture). Too late for your aunt, sadly, but might be helpful to others to know this is possible

Hi. My Dad had medical intervention and was 'brought back from the brink'. He died four months later, but those four months were difficult and miserable. It would have been much, much kinder if he had just slipped away initially.
It is a big regret.

You know your Dad best and I guess that, like most people, he would want his last days to be a comfortable as possible. I refused a feeding tube for my mum. She had fluids and painkillers by Iv. When she first had a stroke they tried to feed her but she turned her head away. This told me everything I needed to know.

The hospital were very supportive. She had fluids only and survived 6 weeks in a sort of comatose state. She suffered no distress at all. The only thing I wish I had done differently was to ask for the fluids to be stopped earlier. When I made the request to the Doctor, she said that the time was right,
I hope you get some comfort from knowing you are doing your best for your dad.

Sorry,

Just because we can save someone's life, doesn't mean we should, but it's a brave decision in this litigation filled world, to give anything less than 100% of the treatments available. You get doctors in particularly struggle a bit with this

Just remind them gently that it's not always about life at any cost, and that there is a definite place for care and comfort. It's an active decision, it's not giving up

Sounds like you are on the same page now, which is great.

In terms of fluid, I would ask for sub cut fluids, which are absorbed under the skin. It's just to stop someone feeling thirsty which can be very unpleasant, but won't really prolong life. No real need for food, he won't be hungry. Sips of water as he wants them.

Low bar for decent painkillers if there's any suspicion of pain, and agitation can be a manisfestation of this. Syringe driver if needed.

For what it's worth, I think you're making the right decision

Take care x

We get very misguided as doctors between can and should.

Just because

My 93 year old aunt has osteoporosis, scoliosis, is blind and can do very little for herself. She lives in a care home where she is miserable and complains constantly. Is waiting for an extra care flat but had deteriorated so much I am doubtful it will now work out. She has had pneumonia in both lungs twice since January. Both times she has been taken to hospital, x-rayed, scanned, and treated with IV antibiotics and turfed out back to the care home where she has never fully recovered. Has had numerous further courses of antibiotics to try to shift the stuff on her chest to no avail. She is weak ,miserable and can do less every week.She has more morphine now to try to deal with the high pain levels from her osteoporosis and scoliosis.

I think they should have kept her in the care home, kept her comfortable and allowed the infection to overwhelm her. It would have been kinder.

@TheSingingBean , I’m so sorry you are having this awful experience with your dear dad. I think a lot of people find it very difficult to understand the point where intervention becomes not only pointless but unkind. Im not sure your dad is at that point but I am sure that you would be doing the right thing to withhold futile and potentially uncomfortable treatment when that time comes. You need to talk to his medical team and be guided by them. Don’t write dad off though because the human spirit is quite exceptional at times. I wish you strength. X

My darling Dad has terminal cancer so I have been looking into advance decisions and Respect forms, palliative care etc and thinking about things like this.
To me it sounds like at 88 after a significant stroke it may be coming towards the end of his life. I would be respectfully declining this intervention.
Wishing you and your Dad a peaceful time together.

My DM was in a nursing home after an aneurysm, and had a mini-stroke. As a result she was unable to eat or drink and was put on tube feeding. I live abroad so I didn't really realise what was happening, but she became non-communicative and was more or less comatose when we came to visit.

But...she had had an active life and despite the aneurysm was fit as a fiddle, strong as an ox. So what tube feeding does is to give you exactly the right amount of nutrients to match your very low amount of energy burnt. And, unless you suffer from some other ailment, it will maintain the status quo in your body - for a very long time.

So my DM was like this for a number of years, with a non-existent quality of life. And the nursing home just said that this was the way it was and there was nothing they could do except continue. We didn't have an LPA either. Cynical me now understands that the nursing home was just milking the cash cow for fees...

After a few years I switched nursing homes because I wasn't happy with the attitude, then on one visit I happened to bump into her GP. He said, why don't you write to the home to express your wishes that if the tube comes out, it shouldn't be put back in. I was not happy, if the previous nursing home had told me that I could have written it about 3 years previously.

As I understand it, a letter of wishes doesn't have the power of an LPA, but it still has to be taken into account. What I didn't know then was that actually the tube comes out fairly regularly and it's just standard to shove it back in. I thought that maybe I'd hear something in 6 months time, but actually it was barely a month before the tube came out and I got a phone call.

I stuck to my guns and said we didn't want it put back, and flew back to the UK. The nursing home gave her water but slowly she drifted away. Once or twice she seemed to perk up a bit, I've seen that mentioned a few times about dying people. So I'd go in every day and just read out loud from one of her books. And one day, she just died. I knew it had happened, her breathing turned into a slight rattle and just stopped.

Anyway, the message is...I think that tube feeding is inhumane, it can go on for a very long time and it's difficult to stop regardless of the quality of life that is being sustained. So with 20/20 hindsight, I wouldn't have agreed to it starting, and/or would have requested not to replace the tube years before I actually did.

And to answer your question, sips of water, and about 10-14 days.

When the hospital finally gave up with my mum's mg tube, her swallow had improved slightly and they started giving her very very small amounts to eat and drink but unfortunately she aspirated something within a couple of days and developed pneumonia. But things could very easily have gone the other way and she definitely perked up a bit when she was able to have a cup of tea and a tiny bit of food, so hopefully your dad may turn a corner.

My daughter and I both got covid at about the time this happened with my mum and she spent two days declining whilst we couldn't visit her, and then I got a call from the doctor to say that they were very concerned. They got a minister to give her the last rites with us watching on an iPad and then after much pleading the doctor decided that they would move her to a side room and give us full PPE so that we could be with her. It took five days in total for my mum to pass away from the time it became apparent that she had aspirated food or drink but she died with dignity and with us holding her hands.