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Elderly parents
Original poster

Elderly DM eating complete crap

35 replies

Donm999 · 02/05/2024 17:02

So fed up with the ongoing and repetitive medical dramas caused by DM’s appalling diet.

DM is late 70s. Type 2 diabetic. History of digestive issues (has diviticulitis). Has honestly never eaten well (as in from when I was a child) but these days it’s ridiculous. Fairly sure she exists on a diet of coffee, biscuits, cake, crisps etc. Anything that she doesn’t have to make and tastes nice.

Lo and behold, she has called me to say she is awaiting an ambulance as stomach pain, can’t go to the toilet etc. This is probably the 5th time of similar in the last year. She has been prescribed medication to keep things moving, but also won’t take the full dose as she doesn’t like taking it.

AIBU to be fed up with this?! If she won’t eat properly, there has to be an element of personal responsibility, surely?!

Before anyone suggests - I’ve tried various things - meals on wheels lasted 2 days before she said she didn’t like them. Have stocked up her freezer with ready meals etc but she can’t be bothered to eat properly/decides they upset her stomach (more likely lack of proper food or a single vegetable doing that!). She has carers in once per day so has capacity to have a meal then…but 9/10 times tells them she’s not hungry.

OP posts:
Pigeonqueen · 02/05/2024 20:48

If someone has reached this stage of life on a crap diet then to be honest I would just let them get on with it. It’s hard if it’s causing stomach issues but it may be that due to her bowel issues that would happen anyway. There’s really not much you can do.

Sunriseorange · 02/05/2024 20:37

Towards the end of her life my mum mostly ate chocolate, biscuits, mousse.

margegunderson · 02/05/2024 20:33

We were advised to make up the laxido with packet jelly as it was more palatable that way. Works a treat.

VeryQuaintIrene · 02/05/2024 20:26

All the old ladies at my mum's care home when she was alive were like this, including my mum, and never a green leaf passed her lips, but as they were all in their 80s and beyond, they were left to eat what they wanted (though it's obviously different if it's making your mum sick.)

Bumblebeeinatree · 02/05/2024 20:23

Let her eat what she likes it probably won't make much difference now. Let her enjoy her later years.

EmotionalBlackmail · 02/05/2024 20:19

I think this is really common, especially if they're not living in a care home. I did shopping for several over-90s in the first lockdown and their weekly shopping was very similar!

I think it's all easy to eat, no prep involved food.

TesterPotQueen · 02/05/2024 18:22

I agree with @Hadalifeonce and @funnelfan . Do yourself a favour and take a step back. My dad is 91, eats nothing but ready meals and cake, icecream, jam sandwiches. He won't buy any vegetables or salad and the sum total of his fruit consumption is 2 bananas a week. Also has T2 diabetes. I have tried to encourage better eating over the last few years when I have been taking him shopping, but to no avail.
I take the view that suddenly eating a much healthier diet now is not really going to make any difference to his life and I have bigger hills to die on.

Hadalifeonce · 02/05/2024 17:31

*would make any difference.

Hadalifeonce · 02/05/2024 17:31

My mother was the same, I tried to go at least once a week to cook her a meal, she would eat about 2 forkfuls then say she couldn't eat any more. Again diabetic, eating loads of sweets and biscuits; I took her to an appointment with diabetic nurse, and couldn't believe the lies she told him. After that, I decided nothing anyone could do or say wouldn't make any difference, so took a step back. I was much less stressed.

funnelfan · 02/05/2024 17:25

Yeah. My mid-80s mother eats mainly biscuits these days, but given her general frailty and state of health then I don’t care. She’s eating something, and the fact that a piece of fruit or veg hasn’t passed her lips for a couple of years now isn’t going to make any difference whatsoever to her long term health outcome. The time to eat well to improve health was 20 years ago not now.

I’d focus on addressing the constipation in the context that your mums diet won’t change. DM has senna tablets prescribed which seem to help. She hates the Movicol type drinks and will only have one if I or a carer stand over her and make her drink it! Might also be worth a review of any advice or medication your mum is on for her diverticulitis to see if it’s still appropriate?