Elderly DM eating complete crap

I have certainly read that in old age, perhaps especially when dementia is involved, getting enough calories into them is more important than ‘healthy eating’. Ditto enough fluids, of course - old people often don’t drink enough.

My DM’s care home was very good at providing ‘hidden’ fluids in e.g. stewed fruit and custard, jelly and ice cream, soup, etc.

She might be dehydrated too. Can you persuade her to drink more?

Dan Lepard's peanut butter biscuits in his Sweet book are both very sweet and actually reasonably high in stuff that's ok for you. My DM is 90 and they were too sweet for her but would be good for your DH, @ApplesinmyPocket ?

My husband is 83 and likes mostly sweet things, not a hint of his 'five a day' or an MN approved diet of 'mainly plants and berries'. He hasn't eaten a green veg in his whole adult life! (apart from peas which may be green but I don't think count.)

However, he has already made 'old bones' so I'm minded to give him whatever he will eat. He's already very thin, as very old people tend to go. He's not going to die now of not having eaten the 'right' things. But I want to keep him as long as possible. I just want to get calories into him.

On the other hand, he hasn't constipation or diabetes complications, which is obviously a different situation to OP.

"My mid-80s mother eats mainly biscuits these days, but given her general frailty and state of health then I don’t care. She’s eating something, and the fact that a piece of fruit or veg hasn’t passed her lips for a couple of years now isn’t going to make any difference whatsoever to her long term health outcome. The time to eat well to improve health was 20 years ago not now."

Exactly.

I'm 62 and I eat a ton of veg, and some fruit. I follow Zoe. I think people are different, and it's cultural.

I am always dieting, would have been much larger than I am if not. SW always worked well but now I'm in my 60s I can't eat the fruit as I end up peeling all the time! As in 3-4 times in the night and not at all if I don't eat fruit.
This may be what's persuaded your Mum to eat unhealthy sweet stuff? I'm exhausted if I get up 4 times in the night!!

My Mum was very much like this. A cup of tea and a couple of biscuits was her regular diet.

now I'm older and much frailer than I was then. My daughter seems to be on a mission to stuff as many fruit and veg down me than she can. I understand it's what she saw with my Mum that drives her.
she makes most of my meals. So, today I've had cabbsge, broccoli, sweet corn, carrots, a banana and an orange. Oh and a bit of beef (protein seems to be in her plans toi, thankfully 😀.

seriously though, I'm so very grateful that my daughter thinks about theses things.

My DM, 82 is the same. T2 diabetic and eats tons of sweets and chocolate. I've tried to tell her it's not doing her any good, but it falls on deaf ears. I've got to take her back to see the diabetic nurse soon and I know she'll lie about what she eats. Like others have said, their choice and they are too long on the tooth now to change.

would the hospital prescribe her a laxative to take maybe?

would she listen to anyone else since she isnt listening to you?

She's in her late 70s. Let her eat what she wants.

I would be tempted to give her some blunt talking about this and the negative impact it’s having on her health. Plus not drop everything and go running when her choices mean an ambulance needs to be called for it. She needs to feel the consequences of her actions

My DM is the same in her early 70's. She and her entire family are diabetic. Her brothers have even worse problems caused by their diabetes ( renal failure/ amputations) so she probably thinks she's doing OK. We have tried to get her not to eat rubbish, or at least try not to eat so many cakes and biscuits but she just ignores us. My brother lives closer and is also diabetic. He is on a low carb diet and tells her to do this and that and she gets angry with him. She just ignores me as if I've not even said anything to her. I was going to tell her that I'll just order her shopping for her but she has a freezer full of food that she doesnt eat. It's not the food its the buying packets and packets of biscuits. I've decided to just leave her to it, but it's not just the ' let her eat what she likes it's her business if she doesn't want to live to 90' its the risk of living with poor health and disabilities which will make her miserable but she doesn't seem to wany to avoid by not eating biscuits!

I'm in the same position with my mum who eats a lot of ready meals/ processed foods plus cakes and biscuits. She also has diverticulitis and stage 4 chronic kidney disease but lies about taking her gastro tablets which she's supposed to take twice a day to stop stomach ulcers and reduce reflux symptoms.

Honestly I've just had to take a step back and leave her to it because nothing I say makes a difference. She refuses to take any responsibility for her health and I'm left to pick up the pieces by having to take her to hospital appointments. I've lost count of the endoscopies I've taken her to.

Unfortunately there's not much you can do to make your mum eat healthier but it doesn't make it any easier to witness.

My mum is 81 and pre-diabetic. She lives off the ready meals dad cooks her and then eats lots of chocolate biscuits, magnum ice creams and crisps. She drinks sugary lattes and other crappy drinks.

But she has Alzheimer’s, is bent over in pain with osteoporosis and was last month diagnosed with breast cancer. She tells me every day she wants to die, so who am I to deny her a few slivers of joy in her bleak last few years?

It’s hard to see a parent not taking care of themselves but little you can do about it.

I think being in your 80s is old bones enough....

Just let her get on with it . I did my 90 yo MIL shopping with her last week and she bought literally nothing except biscuits , bread and cheese spread .

Up to a point
OP says an ambulance has been called. That's a major issue.

It's very difficult, I agree in principle but when the reality is being that ill that an ambulance is coming out...I just hope this makes her realise OP.

Mum is careful but I did have a lot of issues with the "don't like taking meds".

It got to her being unable to eat anything really before she realised she has to take all her stomach meds.

She didn't eat badly though, it's just her system can't cope with much now. Ironically she stayed slim eating a lot of sugar but had to give up the treats as they seem to upset her stomach (though everything upsets her stomach now).

with the full meds, she can have ice cream or biscuits a couple of times a week.

"Making old bones" isn't the point, she's 85, but the problem is when they use resources for no reason. She bothered the doctor endlessly saying the meds didn't work when she wasn't taking them and then she'd call me up in tears from the pain.

You’ve tried, she won’t help herself, so I’d just leave her to it. She lives on rubbish so can deal with the consequences.

Taste buds change as you age, and people want high sugar and high salt foods - it's really common. The body also processes food a lot slower, chewing is harder and meals can be too much for the digestive system. My Dad really struggled with his teeth in his last few years.

Focus on the laxatives - can you get the carer to do her meds?

Let her eat what she wants.

Good for your mum. She may not make old bones. That's her choice.

Let her be.

Step back if you can. She is making choices and has to deal with the consequences. The time for healthy change was a while back really.