So....I'm in my 50's with an elderly mother ( 80's) she has multiple health issues and her memory is fading.
Since my brother died 16 years ago, it's only me and the rest of the family is 600 miles away.
We've always had a tricky relationship..my mum is a bit of a narcissist and always have to be right/the best/most popular etc.
My Dad worked nights and she would complain to him when I was a young adult, that I wasn't getting home early enough because it meant she was on her own....so I had to stop going out after work to appease her.
When I went to art school, she enrolled too, and got better exam marks than me...everyone seemed to believe it was my mum who did my work for me ( it absolutely wasn't true)
When I got my work shown a gallery, she also applied to, and sold more paintings.
When I started my business she'd come along with me to shows on my Dads insistence ( she was lonely/alone it was a nice thing to do!!!) and talk herself up or tell everyone how I still 'hadn't lost my baby weight.'
When I was trying to leave my abusive ex. She took his side calling me an evil bitch...I ended up staying with him for a further 3 years.
When my Dad was dying in respite care, she insisted I drive her home as she needed a break...we missed his last conscious moment ( I can't ...just can't forgive her for this)
She brings up my weight constantly ( she lost weight ... as many older people do ... she crows about it )
My adult son moved in with my mum, so she wasn't alone and it gave him space as I'd just had a new baby with my partner...well he's her son now...I'm just the person who gave birth to him.
I could go in...but I'd just be moaning ( even more)
But as you can see, I'm carrying so much resentment which I should have let go of years ago and moved on, I just can't.
She needs care, which as I run my own busy business, I'm just not available to give her, although, she's on the phone with various ills and problems several times a week.
We think she's early dementia and I'm scared to death.
I'm going to be looking after this person, who I ... and I know this sounds awful...don't actually like very much... and giving her care...how am I going to cope.
She won't accept outside care, only wants me, and I've been there for her through every doctors, hospital, clinical appointment...but I'm at breaking point now and feel like sobbing at the prospect of long term care.
Am I being an evil witch? ... any advice or experience, would be great fully appreciated