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Elderly parents

What do you do as attorney?

30 replies

user14932431 · 04/04/2024 20:58

Parent has dementia (at home with council carers). My sibling has active POA but isn't doing anything unless parent's GP phones them and asks for a decision on something. I worry that there are bills unpaid, money coming out that shouldn't be, benefits unclaimed etc. I think everything is on direct debits. They've not accessed parent's bank accounts or anything. I don't have POA or else I'd do it, tbh they are just lazy.

Please could anyone share what they manage and who you've informed about incapacity?

Also, does the bank etc still have any contact with your person with incapacity?

Thank you

OP posts:
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Runningbird43 · 06/04/2024 22:31

Dartwarbler · 06/04/2024 22:06

I’d add though, that ven under LPOA, it doesn’t automatically kick in immediately…ONLY if the diner has stipulated task to kick in immedately it’s registered . So, definitely the parent has been the victim of their own poor decision in writing that in LPOA. I assume there must have been good reason for them to have made the decision at the time

This is the thing. It wasn’t the parents decision. They wanted all siblings as POA.

one sibling downloaded the forms from the internet. Here mum, sign this so I can help you with the banking and your bills, friend as a witness, job done. Off to the bank when it’s authorised, no one checks with the donor if they are happy having a POA added.

mum didn’t even know she’s signed a POA.

however proving that was impossible, as the sibling insisted her mum had forgotten.

Gunz · 06/04/2024 22:20

When I had with it my late Mum - the key thing was to inform the bank so you could get control of the bank account. They gave me a separate access into her account and a chequebook which stated it was POA. This was important when she eventually went into a care home - as self funder you pay an upfront 1 month before they enter the home. Also towards 'end of life' we put in place a funeral plan so that the CH knew which Funeral Directors to contact (They wanted a copy of the LOA) I had to keep a excel going of where all the expenditure was going so should there be an OPG investigation - my dear late Mum was only in a CH for around a year - but the bills rack up and you need to evidence it.

Dartwarbler · 06/04/2024 22:06

Runningbird43 · 06/04/2024 21:52

No it was a new style lpoa.

so it kicked in straight away without needing a declaration of incompetency. They were able to go to the banks immediately and take over all their accounts.

OPG investigated but as donor was assessed as competent they were able to sign to withdraw the LPA and nominate someone else.

Unfortunately as they were competent the OPG cannot continue the investigation once the LPOA is withdrawn, so the sibling completely got way with moving tens of thousands of pounds into their own accounts.

always have more than one. Even the most trusted child can have their heads turned by access to a crapload of money.

I’d add though, that ven under LPOA, it doesn’t automatically kick in immediately…ONLY if the diner has stipulated task to kick in immedately it’s registered . So, definitely the parent has been the victim of their own poor decision in writing that in LPOA. I assume there must have been good reason for them to have made the decision at the time

Dartwarbler · 06/04/2024 22:03

Runningbird43 · 06/04/2024 21:52

No it was a new style lpoa.

so it kicked in straight away without needing a declaration of incompetency. They were able to go to the banks immediately and take over all their accounts.

OPG investigated but as donor was assessed as competent they were able to sign to withdraw the LPA and nominate someone else.

Unfortunately as they were competent the OPG cannot continue the investigation once the LPOA is withdrawn, so the sibling completely got way with moving tens of thousands of pounds into their own accounts.

always have more than one. Even the most trusted child can have their heads turned by access to a crapload of money.

Yep, I don’t disagree with more than 1, both my ds are named jointly as well as in my expression of wishes it refers to I state I want them to involve my SIL and niece in health decisions as they’re both in healthcare in nhs, and I want women’s opinions on matters of my care.

but, I guess if this was LPOA, and parent made that decision and OPG ruled not dodgy, then it’s on the parent own decision to have made a dodgy choice and go along with it whilst competent. I guess the point of of the LPOA, is that wishes of donor must always be upheld and even if totally crap, unless they’ve medically been determined to be mentally incapacitated.

but not easy for you. And for most not a risk we’d want to take

Runningbird43 · 06/04/2024 21:52

Dartwarbler · 06/04/2024 21:05

My understanding is that the older enduring POA did not have any substitute attorney provision.
my parent set his up years ago, under old rules, mainly as he wanted by eldest sibling to manage his bills and house when out of the country (he was away a lot). It only needed one of us, and was fairly simple stuff all the time dad was fit and well and making his own decisions. He just needed someone who could do his admin for him!

but he went downhill very quickly. And my understanding is that unless you recindcthe enduring POA you can’t “convert” automatically to a LPOA with its much more flexible approach

couldbexqorng on some of this. But that’s my understanding why substitutes aren’t in place for people with older POA

I did mine around 7/8 years ago and have substitutes. It’s obviou s to have them under new LPOA!

No it was a new style lpoa.

so it kicked in straight away without needing a declaration of incompetency. They were able to go to the banks immediately and take over all their accounts.

OPG investigated but as donor was assessed as competent they were able to sign to withdraw the LPA and nominate someone else.

Unfortunately as they were competent the OPG cannot continue the investigation once the LPOA is withdrawn, so the sibling completely got way with moving tens of thousands of pounds into their own accounts.

always have more than one. Even the most trusted child can have their heads turned by access to a crapload of money.

user14932431 · 06/04/2024 21:10

@Dartwarbler thank you for the long reply, that must have taken you ages to write out, I really appreciate it. Sibling is good at supporting parent and doing stuff on the phone, but not admin and from what you say there will be alot of that to come. The POA wording is not great and it seems to restrict their ability to delegate.

OP posts:
Dartwarbler · 06/04/2024 21:08

Sorry, term is replacement attorneys, not substitute . Just checked and you couldn’t do replacements with old EPA.

Dartwarbler · 06/04/2024 21:05

Runningbird43 · 06/04/2024 20:27

Having seen the shit show that resulted when only one child of three had POA, I would never, ever have a sole POA.

same with executors. It is so easy to just steal money and no one can prove anything to get it investigated as only the POA/executor has the right to see bank statements etc.

My understanding is that the older enduring POA did not have any substitute attorney provision.
my parent set his up years ago, under old rules, mainly as he wanted by eldest sibling to manage his bills and house when out of the country (he was away a lot). It only needed one of us, and was fairly simple stuff all the time dad was fit and well and making his own decisions. He just needed someone who could do his admin for him!

but he went downhill very quickly. And my understanding is that unless you recindcthe enduring POA you can’t “convert” automatically to a LPOA with its much more flexible approach

couldbexqorng on some of this. But that’s my understanding why substitutes aren’t in place for people with older POA

I did mine around 7/8 years ago and have substitutes. It’s obviou s to have them under new LPOA!

Dartwarbler · 06/04/2024 20:57

user14932431 · 06/04/2024 13:22

No @funnelfan I don't think they are obliged to do all this either (maybe I'm wrong) but yes you'd expect them to look after your affairs if you gave them POA. So I don't know whether I'm overreaching or not.

Another thing (I feel I should know this but am going round in circles trying to find information online) what happens when you need to pay for something for the parent? We need a repair done on parent's house, does the attorney usually pay for this using parent's money (parent has plenty) or does one of us have to pay it in advance and claim on the estate in several years time?

No, submit your expense to the attorney and it should be paid immedately

our elder brother is the attorney. My middle sibling and I buy stuff for dad - like I bought him Xmas cards at Christmas and “helped” him write them, then bought the stamps. Sent WhatsApp to brother attorney, he has transferred that evening.

my elder brother is both attorney AND nearest relative defined under mental health act as dad is now on section 117 because of his dementia. he is a star and does so much in terms of liaising with nhs, various social works, etc in sorting out where dad will live or move to (poor dad hasn’t stayed anywhere longer then 12 weeks in last 13 months as he is declining so fast, and his behaviour has become abusive due to terrible hallucinations). Brother has access to his accounts and has made decisions on which accounts will be accessed and when to pay for care. He’s sorted out everything to do with the part funding between dad’s savings and nhs for his care when in care homes. He’s had to review care plans. He’s liaised with mental health team. Done the rounds of nursing homes when dad could be discharged. He settles all bills for care home, and manages bills relating to dads old house, as well as checking in on it and making sure it is secure etc. he buys replacement clothes for dad. And for the endless glasses and razors dad seems to break 🤦‍♀️.

above all he liaises with us over decision points. We have a shared log we all complete after each visit we each make so everyone can see how dad was on that day, what meds he’s on, any conversations we had with clinicians or care staff etc. we have a WhatsApp group for quick updates and questions. And then WhatsApp video calls for critical conversations which we’re doing a lot of right now
eldest brother lives nearest to dad , but is still 1 hour away. Me and other sibling are 2 hours away, so, none of us to get to dad frequently. There’s some grand kids in mix who also visit from time to time. It’s a team approach to ensure he gets at least 2 visits a week, even though these days he’s often asleep and can’t be roused - bit frustrating after a 2 hour drive 🥹.

it’s vital for Attorney to be very involved. We’re now having to ask ourselves whether it’s time to tlak to consultants around palliative care approach …no one single “child” should burden thot decision , or make it on behalf of other siblings without discussion

did your parent not put in a a substitute attorney into LPOA? that would be normal if there’s more than 1 child. although I understand under previous nduring POA rules no substitutes were provided for. If they did include a substitute then ask your sibling to delegate to you and see what they say- they may be glad to give up that role and legally they can do that. If they don’t want to give it up, then you need to get not off the office of guardianship site and spell out that they have legal responsibilities that aren’t optional. If they refuse to do what is needed, then you can write to office of guardianship to have them removed as they aren’t acting in your parents interests. That’s a huge step and the alternative is expensive and painful (you’d have to go the “deputy” route and that’s fraught with difficulties). Explain this to sibling .

as attorney they DONT have to hands on do everything - they can delegate, oversee, coordinate and offload some stuff to you, paid carers etc. agian, make sure they understand this. (Though have to say my DB is pants at delegating and thinks it’s easier for him as he lives nearer to ven youth h has times when he’s run ragged sorting stuff 😞)

a bit of pressure needs to be applied for your relatives sake- this will only get more difficult as time goes by if nothing changes

Runningbird43 · 06/04/2024 20:27

EffinMagicFairy · 06/04/2024 18:07

Wonder why your parents never set both of you up with POA, we have 3 for PIL, me DH and his sister, DH sorts out finances, bank accounts, utility bills, benefits, blue badge. Myself & SIL will probably never do any of the POA admin but we had SIL put on there in case we are out of the country and something needs doing urgently, myself if DH is unable.

Having seen the shit show that resulted when only one child of three had POA, I would never, ever have a sole POA.

same with executors. It is so easy to just steal money and no one can prove anything to get it investigated as only the POA/executor has the right to see bank statements etc.

MereDintofPandiculation · 06/04/2024 20:14

user14932431 · 06/04/2024 13:22

No @funnelfan I don't think they are obliged to do all this either (maybe I'm wrong) but yes you'd expect them to look after your affairs if you gave them POA. So I don't know whether I'm overreaching or not.

Another thing (I feel I should know this but am going round in circles trying to find information online) what happens when you need to pay for something for the parent? We need a repair done on parent's house, does the attorney usually pay for this using parent's money (parent has plenty) or does one of us have to pay it in advance and claim on the estate in several years time?

Attorney should use parents money

EffinMagicFairy · 06/04/2024 18:07

Wonder why your parents never set both of you up with POA, we have 3 for PIL, me DH and his sister, DH sorts out finances, bank accounts, utility bills, benefits, blue badge. Myself & SIL will probably never do any of the POA admin but we had SIL put on there in case we are out of the country and something needs doing urgently, myself if DH is unable.

Soontobe60 · 06/04/2024 17:58

Your sibling will have received enough information to know what their role is as Deputy. What makes you think they’re not doing things?

JennyMule · 06/04/2024 17:55

OP normally the attorney arranges access to the donor's account and uses the donor's money to pay for things. As mentioned upthread that is better practice than paying out of own pocket and reimbursing (bit sometimes in urgent situations paying oneself and reclaiming is the only practical option.)
If you cannot obtain a satisfactory response to the Attorney's inaction (bearing in mind that many banks are really difficult to deal with and can take weeks to provide copies of statements and access to funds) I'd recommend referring your concerns to the OPG (Google concerns about an attorney and this takes you to the gov.uk web page with contact information.)
If the attorney is unable or unwilling to act as such the only option is to apply to the Court of Protection for deputyship.

funnelfan · 06/04/2024 13:54

user14932431 · 06/04/2024 13:22

No @funnelfan I don't think they are obliged to do all this either (maybe I'm wrong) but yes you'd expect them to look after your affairs if you gave them POA. So I don't know whether I'm overreaching or not.

Another thing (I feel I should know this but am going round in circles trying to find information online) what happens when you need to pay for something for the parent? We need a repair done on parent's house, does the attorney usually pay for this using parent's money (parent has plenty) or does one of us have to pay it in advance and claim on the estate in several years time?

I arrange repairs/maintenance for mums house and use her account to pay, I keep the receipts and/or let DB know what I’ve spent. He’s not an attorney but that way I’m being upfront and transparent about what I’m doing with mums money. You should not be out of pocket, and it is not expected that you’d claim back against any future estate.

Occasionally I’ve paid for something small and then transferred money from mums account to mine, but I try and avoid doing that if possible. At some point soon her savings will drop below £23.5k and I’ll be applying to her council for assistance with paying for care. I don’t know how deep they go into looking at mums accounts, but I don’t want to give them any ammunition to say I’ve been helping myself to her money/ deprivation of assets.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 06/04/2024 13:29

When we did it for mil, Dh and myself split poa duties.
Dh did everything financial, I just told him what I spent and he transferred it back to me from mil accounts, he did all the service charges, electric/gas/water/insurance etc etc. I just double checked the bills/meters for him as a safeguard basically. I did everything health and welfare wise, so appointments/outings etc. we did it that way as we decided it wasn’t fair for either one of us to shoulder the responsibility for everything, yet it kept both of us in the loop, should anything happen to one of us eg surgery/illness/death/being occupied elsewhere.
Anything needing paying for can directly from
mil accounts unless it was something I paid for such as hearing aids via my credit card, then Dh just transferred the money from mil account directly to my cc. So the same day repayment. All receipts were kept meticulously along with reasons for spending any money, no one checked, but if we hadn’t I can guarantee someone would have asked at some point.

user14932431 · 06/04/2024 13:22

No @funnelfan I don't think they are obliged to do all this either (maybe I'm wrong) but yes you'd expect them to look after your affairs if you gave them POA. So I don't know whether I'm overreaching or not.

Another thing (I feel I should know this but am going round in circles trying to find information online) what happens when you need to pay for something for the parent? We need a repair done on parent's house, does the attorney usually pay for this using parent's money (parent has plenty) or does one of us have to pay it in advance and claim on the estate in several years time?

OP posts:
funnelfan · 06/04/2024 11:37

I was under the impression that anyone that holds LPOA is not actually obligated in law to step in pro actively and do all of these things, it’s just that they have the power to do so if asked/they want to.

Which is why it’s so important to choose the right people to be the Attorney. Someone you know who would be concerned for your welfare and who would want to step in and help, and who would also be in a position to do so.

MereDintofPandiculation · 06/04/2024 11:05

If there aren’t any replacement attorneys, then removing the existing attorney will mean applying for deputyship since he no longer has capacity to set up a new LPA

MereDintofPandiculation · 06/04/2024 11:02

user14932431 · 05/04/2024 18:43

Thank you all for your replies. Did you notify any of the banks and DWP etc about a parent's incapacity?

Only when I needed to deal with them. Not as a routine thing. DWP when he changed his address.

TraitorsGate · 05/04/2024 20:40

All you can do is ask sibling why they are not doing anything and suggest they give up being attorney, you can report them to the opg if they get defensive and still won't do anything. Are there any replacement attorneys.

user14932431 · 05/04/2024 19:19

Thanks - in answer to the questions
POA is for financial and for health and welfare. It's registered and activated. Sibling has the certified copy.
Incapacity - Capacity has been formally assessed. Certificate of incapacity to manage financial, health and welfare has been issued by GP. Sibling has copy from GP.
The paperwork all appears to be ready, the problem is that sibling isn't doing a great deal with it.

OP posts:
Runningbird43 · 05/04/2024 19:05

Do they have capacity? Have they had an assessment which states they aren’t capable of making their own decisions?

basic premise is capacity must be presumed. So your parents should be asked what their decisions are. You shouldn’t just “take over”.

i basically just assisted in carrying out their wishes, and made sure bills were paid.

everything you do must be documented.

TraitorsGate · 05/04/2024 18:55

user14932431 · 05/04/2024 18:43

Thank you all for your replies. Did you notify any of the banks and DWP etc about a parent's incapacity?

The banks, dwp, gp and hospital, solicitors all need to see an original stamped poa form and a statement stating they have or have not got capacity. Has the poa been registered, you can check online.

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