Care home - how often do you visit?

Mum was in a care home with advanced dementia for the last 2.5 years of her life. My dsis (retired) visited every day - unless she was ill or I was visiting. I lived a couple of hundred miles away, had a full time job and youngish family but would go and stay with my sister every couple of months for a few days and take over the daily visits to give my dsis a break.

I do once a week come rain or shine but I’m six years in. At the beginning it was twice a week but we have little to say now.

I’ll be honest and say it has ground me down and I dread each visit. But I’ll be there again next week.

I try to go twice a week and usually stay for about an hour. My mum has dementia and I'm pretty sure has no idea who I am.

Every day just like I did when they were able to live at home

It's a huge variance; we've had anywhere from every single day, to never. Personally I think never is sad, and I find it a bit slack. If I had to guess an average, I'd say maybe once a month. And just so you know, the staff are very understanding. A lot of family members are still working full-time, some have other unwell family members as well (for eg one parent may be in a care home, the other parent may be still at home but needs help, and then there's the inlaws to check on as well), and many family members are babysitters for the grand kids etc etc. It can be a busy period of life for the families, so please don't feel bad if you can't fit in more visits.

As PP says many of the residents won't get any visitors so anything will be more than that. We've settled into a routine where I go on a weekend day and my brother goes mid week.

We were given good advice which is that once dementia reaches this stage it is all about feelings. So a visit once a week will help them feel loved and that people care about them, but they won't know/care that it's once a week instead of every day or if you don't make one week because you are on holiday. Length of visit also isn't important - half an hour is fine.

If you're like me you'll probably visit quite often at first but then you'll settle into a routine that suits you and your parent.

DM has been in a residential home for almost a year (diagnosed with mixed Alzheimer's and vascular dementia last summer, but currently ok with the medication). At first DSis and I would both visit 2 days midweek and weekends, but now DSis goes Saturday, I go Sunday. The visiting was getting a bit too much, we had hardly any time for ourselves (we both work full time) and felt guilty dropping the visiting to just weekends. But DM's very happy and settled there now , has made some lovely friends. She's well looked after and communication with the carers / managers is faultless, we're kept up to date with everything - not just the serious stuff like a fall or sickness etc

We see the same visitors most weekends with the same few residents but sadly some residents don't get any visitors at all, or few and far between.

As things settle you'll come to a natural routine but don't feel guilty about looking after yourself too.