Page 9 | Elderly parents that need help. 4 teens, work full time. DH stressful Job

AonRudEile · 2024-03-11T22:29:11+00:00

Just like the title really. Where do you find the time to be you ?

PleaseenterausernameX · 11/03/2024 23:16

Any chance you could go part time?

Who is doing the caring on the days you don't go?

WearyAuldWumman · 11/03/2024 23:15

With regard to the washing/showering - contact social work. They can advise you on organising personal care for your parents.

I'm an only child, was working full time and had a poorly husband. Ergo, I was the only one available to help my parents. Once I got help from social work, it made a difference.

We applied for Attendance Allowance and used the money to pay for extra care visits.

Original poster

AonRudEile · 11/03/2024 23:11

Stonehill · 11/03/2024 23:04

what percentage of the year are they in uni? They are available to help out the rest of the time. I don't really think any teen is too young to help out with grandparents. Its what we all did.

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I appreciate your text and thank you. I agree but this involves a 19 yr old male caring for his elderly grandparent and washing/ showering so no.... while he visits often I am for my parents dignity and his, I m not going to to go down that road..

OP posts:

TheShellBeach · 11/03/2024 23:10

AonRudEile · 11/03/2024 23:04

I am overdoing it. I know I am to the detriment of my own family. I m not here at home after work many nights. I don't know how school has been for kids, I feel they have been left aside.
I have cleaners in for parents
I do some of the shopping and quick clean of kitchen mid wk..one of my parents v immobile which is putting stress in the "carer parent". The guilt is unreal. One other sibling....but half hearted, can't depend on him to answer phone , lives v close to them

And your sibling has the right idea.

Don't do so much, OP. Let your parents pay for carers.

OhcantthInkofaname · 11/03/2024 23:04

First of all cut down to only one trip a week. Find other resources for them.

Stonehill · 11/03/2024 23:04

AonRudEile · 11/03/2024 22:44

One in uni. Others too young / learning to drive. We live rurally. So I do a 2 hr round trip at least 2 or 3 times a wk. Just wondering how can i compromise me time

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what percentage of the year are they in uni? They are available to help out the rest of the time. I don't really think any teen is too young to help out with grandparents. Its what we all did.

Original poster

AonRudEile · 11/03/2024 23:04

I am overdoing it. I know I am to the detriment of my own family. I m not here at home after work many nights. I don't know how school has been for kids, I feel they have been left aside.
I have cleaners in for parents
I do some of the shopping and quick clean of kitchen mid wk..one of my parents v immobile which is putting stress in the "carer parent". The guilt is unreal. One other sibling....but half hearted, can't depend on him to answer phone , lives v close to them

OP posts:

DancingLambs · 11/03/2024 22:54

By stepping back. After a year of overdoing it, making myself ill, I now only do things that are VERY urgent. The rest simply won’t get done or they will have to pay for or organise themselves. I have very clear boundaries on my time and travel. (Basically I now only do online shopping and very minimal admin, but everyone is different as to this obviously). I agree with PP that they may try to get you to do as much as possible with little regard for you or your well being.

What is it that you do for them? Can you outsource most of it?

Original poster

AonRudEile · 11/03/2024 22:49

3luckystars · 11/03/2024 22:39

You can only stretch so far before you snap. Can you take a day off work and just do nothing and don’t tell anyone!

Re elderly parents, if they are anything like the elderly people I know, they don’t care who is doing the running and don’t really mind running you into the ground, they just want what they want. Let them ask someone else to help.

Thank you for this. Wise words..I feel like close to snapping/ cracking at times.

OP posts:

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 11/03/2024 22:46

Why are you doing this and what are you doing? Cleaning/shopping?

Original poster

AonRudEile · 11/03/2024 22:44

Stonehill · 11/03/2024 22:37

You have 4 teens who can help out with your elderly parents

One in uni. Others too young / learning to drive. We live rurally. So I do a 2 hr round trip at least 2 or 3 times a wk. Just wondering how can i compromise me time

OP posts:

3luckystars · 11/03/2024 22:39

You can only stretch so far before you snap. Can you take a day off work and just do nothing and don’t tell anyone!

Re elderly parents, if they are anything like the elderly people I know, they don’t care who is doing the running and don’t really mind running you into the ground, they just want what they want. Let them ask someone else to help.

Stonehill · 11/03/2024 22:37

You have 4 teens who can help out with your elderly parents

Hatty65 · 11/03/2024 22:34

I'd cut time with parents. If they need help they need to outsource. You have 4 teens and a full time job. You can't help out.

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 11/03/2024 22:32

Can't parents purchase help?

TheShellBeach · 11/03/2024 22:31

Well, I'd stop looking after the parents for a start.