Aging mother ignoring possible oil leakage

I never considered social services.

I did consider organising an appointment with a dementia advisor from the alzhemiers association but I didn't do that yet.

My mother had legal issues for a few years but they are coming to an end now and I think I can proceed with my dementia concerns and suspicions now.

I don't know what is the best route.

I would love to move out if I could and I did move out before but I had to love back home.
I would love to move out and just leave her because I don't want to become a default carer because I can't afford my own accommodation.
I know now if this is dementia then main caregiver is usually given the worst treatment by the person and I am not able to cope with that.
I want to see one of my brothers come home and deal with her or stick her in a home.

I wouldn't have half the battle that I currently have if I was a man. She obeys men just like that but views women as good for nothing.

I have a rough draft of an email ready to send to the oil company to ask them to please notify her in writing about our tanks condition and the importance of replacing old, worn oil tanks.

I am divided. It feels so bad to go behind her back and be underhanded about this. On the other hand there's no reasoning with my mother any more and I know she has no intentions of replacing the tank, not now and not in the summer. She says in the summer but I know that's also a lie. And say for example if she is true, it's not fair on me or even my brother. I am going to be up the wall with a work schedule in the summer time and I will have less time to help and not only that it's not fair getting my brother to step off a long haul flight and expect him to do this work. He's not a supplier of oil tanks nor is he a plumber. The tank will have to be drained anyways.

Do I email the company and put a stop to this and her intention of filling the tank again or do I ignore it and allow her to fill the tank and delay what we need to do.

I am torn?

I am half tempted to email the oil company. I reckon we still have oil at home for at least another month. Topping it up makes no sense whatsoever. This isn't the first time I noticed poor planning and organising with my mother. Her sense is definitely waning. She put me into an horrific situation back in January where she was ignoring her solicitor and repelling against him as if she was a school child and he was a teacher. She was revolting against her solicitor.

Now this.

She doesn't understand the implications of ignoring this or delaying this.

There is so much more too.

She's impossible to reason with too.

This is all hallmarks of dementia but it's not presenting with typical symptoms and a lot of people think of dementia as a textbook forgetfulness including her own GP.

It's not just ignoring repairs. There has been other stuff with her. She's taking my plus size underwear as if they are hers but she is half the size of me. The majority of her underwear now is size 16/18/20 even though she wouldn't be any more than a size 10. I found size 18 period swimwear amongst her clothes. She's not a size 18 and period swimwear - she doesn't swim and she's long past periods. Lately I am finding children's socks amongst her stuff. She has no comprehension on sizes and who owns what any more.

There is no rental accommodation in my village or surrounding villages and anything available is so expensive and beyond my budget. I always helped at home but it's never good enough. I feel suicidal about my position. I just don't have the means to rent in the city.

Her son is not a plumber and expecting him to come off a long haul flight to tackle this is cruel.

I already did this. She doesn't care. I got a rough estimate of costs but she doesn't care.

I actually think she has the onset of dementia. She doesn't understand anything beyond her own daily life and tasks. She doesn't care or understand about the implications of ignoring this.

I had my brother inform her over the Xmas and he personalised the situation and informed her that if the rust falls off and goes into the oil it will f*ck up the water and heating system big time in the house and it will cost thousands to fix.

The very next week, she overwrote what he said and she was booking another oil fill saying that the rust on the tank is only a cosmetic issue.

I don't know if we do have a leak with the tank. I wouldn't be surprised if we do. I do smell a fume-y smell outside sometimes. Some times it's stronger than other times.

The tank is very bad and rusty now and if we don't have a leak, it's only a matter of time before it will leak.

I am fuming at the oil company. It was the driver who recommended to my mother that the tank needs replacing last September. She ignored ired this in December and she intends on ignoring it again and I don't know what the position or policy is with the oil company.

We should have plenty of oil in our tank that will bring us into April or May but she's paranoid about it going low and wants to fill it up again.

I would be able to tell her the consequences of ignoring it but she really doesn't understand or care.

We were originally eyeballing the spring to get the work done. I was disappointed when she ordered more oil in December because it meant that it will take longer to empty.

I now know she has no intention of ever replacing the tank. We should have enough oil in the tank for at least another month or two which will bring us into May. She's paranoid that it will go low (which is what we need to do) and she wants to top up. I don't think she has the comprehension to understand what's facing us here. Shes saying she will get this done in the summer time but what's going to change from now to then? It's all excuses. She has no intention of doing it. Either that or she wants to use or ex husband for free repair work, god only knows.

I think I will send an email to the oil company. I would actually think it's negligent of them to continue filling that tank. The tank has rusted parts and it's only a matter of time before those rust patches cave in.

I don't have POA for my mother. It was a document that I was looking for. Would the company deal with me citing 'data protection' stuff because it's her account?

I could email the company and put it into writing and attach a picture of the tank too.

I'm actually in shock with what's unfolding today from my mother. Her comprehension is so poor and I dread to think that maybe this could be dementia.

This is something that has to be done. There's no point pushing it down the road.

My mother was advised last autumn that the tank needs replacing and the oil delivery driver mentioned it to her.

On Xmas week she went ahead and booked an oil delivery. I was not impressed with that given what we were advised to do. I did email the company but they weren't able to overwrite my mothers request for an oil delivery and they delivered a tank of oil. Not only this, my mother down right lied to me. She said that she only booked a small fill and the smallest volume that they had but she hid the receipt but I did root it out and saw 400 hundreds pounds worth of oil.

All of this, I think it also shows something much bigger. She's ordering oil out of habit or routine in fear that it goes low and it also shows poor comprehension. If she gets another oil fill, it will be autumn by the time the tank will probably be empty but she will likely fill the tank again anyways. I really don't think she has any intention of replacing the tank.

I don't know if the tank is currently leaking but it will be in time. It is very rusty now.