Am I right to call 111?

We got all sorts of things for my relative - a wrist alarm, in case she fell. She wouldn't wear it. A necklace alarm - ditto. A phone service which she could press a button for help. She just pressed it all the time, asking what the time was or could they bring her a cup of tea. Or just walked off with them going "Hello? Hello?" and then we would be called.

Be very, very wary of assessments - ideally you would be with her for every one. Because they ask things like "Can you use the kettle?" and your Mum says "Yes, of course I can". But she can't.

My relative had Type II diabetes, so it was very important that she ate. So part of her care plan was for them to prepare food for her. But they wouldn't stay to check she ate it. I often found sandwiches in the bin.

I do agree that you'll need to be very firm if the hospital tries to discharge her with something like four carer visits a day.

You'll just end up having to deal with the endless minutiae which that entails.

But take it a step at a time for now.

Hopefully once she starts antibiotics under supervision in hospital the confusion will lessen and you can start planning for the longer term.

Yes, she was never going to take the antibiotics.

Start looking into key safes. It's a little box that gets attached to the wall outside next to her front door. You put a spare key in it, and it's secured by a combination lock. So that the carers visiting her can get in without her needing to find the key.

And, as I said before, do not let them discharge her into your care. Unless you want her to come and live with you, which may be an option.

If she is to remain living where she is, do not say "Well I can stay with her for a while to settle her back in". You have to be very blunt that she lives on her own, and that there must be a care package for her.

OK OP, that is really good news that she is going into hospital. Once there, there will have to be a care plan in place before they can discharge her. You must insist on this, and if they push back because "she says she can cope", tell them it's a safeguarding issue. Those are two magic words.

Oh gosh I'm sorry to hear this, but maybe it had to happen so that your DM can get the assessment and treatment she needs.

I once posted on the Elderly parents board asking for advice when I thought my mother shouldn't be driving any more. Dear god, some of the replies I got! Wouldn't be surprised if BFH was one of them. Then there was the time I asked about how I might be able to limit the thermostat settings on DM's heating so she didn't bankrupt herself. You'd have thought I was asking how to ship her to a gulag. Just do what you can OP. And if you're not already in the cafe, come and join us there for constructive support.

@BigFluffyHoodie she isn't your relative though. So knock it on the head. Everything about the OP tells me they are trying.

I told myself, when dealing with two different relatives with dementia, that I never wanted to have to stand in a Coroner's Court explaining that I could have stopped my relative driving, if only I'd tried harder. So I moved heaven and earth to do that. It caused rows, upsets, and it took time and effort. But my conscience was clear because I did stop them driving.

TBH, having read all the OP's replies, she is minimising what is happening. It could be tomorrow that her mother smashes into a family walking home from school... or it could be next week. OP's mother even mentioned driving, on the phone to her.

If you think that asking somebody to face up to reality is "confrontational", then fine. But sometimes we need to shock people into action. If OP has not already taken her mother's car keys away from her, she has not acted.

Could you stop being so confrontational.

Have you got her car keys, OP?

@BigFluffyHoodie you're being a bit demanding. The OP is well aware of the issues here and is doing her best in difficult circumstances.

OP's mum has already admitted she is having hallucinations. OP, does your mother still drive? If so, you must stop her somehow.

I had to get my relation to give up their driving licence. That didn't stop them driving though. We had to sell their car.

I really am sorry for your worries with your mum. It sounds as though she is very similar to how my Mum was for about 18 months until she ended up in hospital. She was admitted after a very severe nosebleed (she was taking warfarin and was prone to bleeds) and then deteriorated very rapidly. I found the amount of support available before that point was really bad, and social services wouldn't do anything to help, partly because she always appeared to be so lucid when the social worker spoke to her, despite the fact that most of what she said was completely bonkers, but also because she owned her house and had modest savings and so was self funding when she eventually went into the care home.

I agree with a previous poster that if your mum doesn't perk up considerably after she's finished the antibiotics, you need to try to stop her driving, but it was so hard for my mum when she had to stop. I reallly do sympathise, and fear you've got a difficult time ahead.

@JamieFrasersSassenach I hope it all goes well and it seems like progress. You can only see what happens.

Fluffy, I think OP is facing reality.
Several times she has suggested things will be what they will be and she can only be there when she can.

Hospital should be the target.
She won't take the drugs.
If she bounces back to how she was last week, she will still have dementia.
I know.
Am happy to support OP as she has to face reality.

Your thread has taken a little bit of a turn, OP.
Hospital is possible but not inevitable.
She may take the drugs.
Your DM could then bounce right back to almost how she was last week.
She might not.
None of us know.
Dementia is different for every person.