Am I right to call 111?

All these posts remind me that this is what many of us have to look forward to .
The confusion, fear and paranoia - if not caused by dementia , then induced by infections and failing kidneys impacted by meds for ageing hearts wrecking our potassium levels.
The burden to our children who have jobs and live miles away.
The elderly person helter skelter.

You're doing so well OP. I hope there is some improvement for her today.

However, please don't imagine that a hospital ward isn't capable of making an unsafe discharge. They do. My relative was sent home without any of us knowing until she was in the hospital transport. She didn't have her front door key with her - we had it, to stop her being discharged 🙄- but she told them she could get in, so they sent her home. She got a neighbour who had a spare key to let her in.

In my experience, you need to be at any Care Plan meeting. She will probably then have an assessment at home, for which you also need to be present. When my relative was asked (by the home care assessor) if she could use the oven and microwave, she said "Oh yes!" and the assessor ticked that box. I knew she was too confused to use an oven - she couldn't even work the kettle at that point. So I got her to try and heat something up in front of the assessor. She pressed random buttons and put the whole readymeal in the microwave, including the cardboard packaging, for 120 minutes. Had I not been there, she would have been marked as capable of making her own meals.

The home care visitors also never checked if my relative had actually eaten the food they prepared, they just took her word for it and wrote it down. Every time I visited, I found most of what she said she'd eaten in the bin.

On one of my relatives many, many hospital admissions they found they were low in potassium which was causing the confusion to ramp up, then a few days later once they’d been sent back to care home a blood test revealed they had very high potassium levels, which apparently is even more dangerous…so back to hospital again!
I’m afraid this is how it goes, on the elderly person helter skelter - i’m very glad to read you’re clear about what help you can provide OP.
My advice would be to start researching care homes, so you at least have an idea of your options if she doesn’t bounce back or indeed for the inevitable next time.

Also if she’s on a medical ward ring earlyish. Then the staff can ask the doctors for an update. When relatives ring at 3/4pm we’re often battling through jobs in the afternoon and it’s better to find out earlier so we can try and plan to slot in calling relatives at a time that suits both parties. If someone is super sick or dying we call any time so sometimes no updates is good news!

I’m a doctor - medical. So not a GP but work in hospital and elderly people being admitted with new confusion is very common. It has all sorts of causes and we often roll our eyes when the doctor who admitted them just assumes it’s a UTI.

Also shouldn’t be doing urine dips in over 65s! They over have bugs in their urine but it doesn’t mean they’ve got an active infection. We tend to send urine samples to the lab for culture instead, unfortunately this can take a few days to come back, I hope your mum is doing ok.

Do YOU have support @JamieFrasersSassenach ? I know you said no siblings, but good friends, a husband/partner? You will need to vent and rant ans cry and drink lots of wine. Your mum is safe and being looked after, she is having her needs met in hospital. The staff will be used to being shouted at by rude and confused old people who are away with the fairies. If she does have to stay longer, try to get a friendly nurse on side, they have seen it ALL before and can usually point you in the direction of the most helpful social worker or OT.

Good luck. I hope your mum is better in the morning, more cooperative and happy for you to start planning next steps

Oh dear, good luck.
i hope your mum is ok. Just keep saying you are not her carer and she lives on her own with no support. Do not offer to fill in until a care package is available, manage her discharge from hospital or say you are willing to provide any care at all. They will try to guilt trip you about freeing up hospital beds, stay strong. You’re doing this for your mum, they cannot authorise an unsafe discharge. Hugs x

Are you going home tonight OP? I don't know what people on here think about whether it will be better for you to be at the hospital (and seen as available as a carer) or only contactable by phone. Tell anyone you can that you work full time, have a family etc.

good luck @JamieFrasersSassenach
I'm afraid you now face trying to find someone at the hospital who can let you know what they think it's wrong and what they are doing in terms of tests and plans to get her more stable .
Do look after yourself .

I completely echo @debbs77, you’re really doing a sterling job of supporting your mum.

I hope the antibiotics kick in and give her some clarity back. Please don’t be tempted to play it down for her sake though, she was frightened and didn’t believe that she was as ill as she was. She won’t like it but she does need to face facts. What if you hadn’t been around? What if you’d taken some of her worst behaviours at face value and left her to it? You both need her to have more people involved, more support than she’s got currently because it’s frightening for you all.

Good luck with it all, OP.

I am glad she is in hospital now. I hope the IV abs do the job and quickly.

No advice, just words of support. You're amazing! What a tricky time xx

Yes, I am jumping ahead a bit, but after the next couple of crises that is where her care team and you will end up as well

I have to agree. It’s a playbook so many people have followed and it’s tortuous. It robs you of being able to just be their child.

add to which, the role she casts you in when she’s unwell is so damaging for you. I know you know she’s unwell but that doesn’t stop the hurt, anger or stress at the unfairness of it all.

It’s a personal theory, but I often wonder if people who’ve lost their grip on reality, however short, lash out at those they love because subconsciously they just don’t want you to see them like that. It goes from a theoretical situation they would never choose to a real one where they’ve lost their capacity to explain that.

Yeah, the NHS will try and guilt you into taking her home as soon as possible. You must insist on a care plan being in place, that doesn't rely on you being able to visit her at all.

Sad to say, OP, but I suspect her days of being able to live indpedently at home, with whatever help, are over. Yes, I am jumping ahead a bit, but after the next couple of crises that is where her care team and you will end up as well. There's nothing wrong with being taken care of in a nice care home.

Agree with @Cornettoninja , and even if they’re not judging you, you feel like they are. Stand firm. I hope things improve for you both soon.

@JamieFrasersSassenach i do think you need to prepare yourself for a realistic conversation with the discharge team. It’s horrible and awful to have to tell complete strangers that your mums needs have outgrown the capacity you can provide but if you’re honest with yourself you know that at her age you know that any changes only lead one way.

I can’t impress on you how much stress you’re saving your dm and yourself by taking up any and all offers of assistance you can get now. Prevent yourself and her having to make drastic changes off the back of a full blown crisis.

I'm so sorry you're having to cope with this - this all sounds incredibly similar to the situation with my mum. It's so difficult to know what to do for the best. On the one hand, your mum would be safe in hospital for a short period if she goes in, and if the confusion is mostly caused by the UTI, then she could improve very significantly and quickly. On the other hand, when my mum was admitted to hospital it exacerbated everything so much. She was discharged after six days with 24 hour care, against my better judgement, so that a full assessment could be carried out to decide if she needed a care home placement. Having strangers in her home 24 hours a day was the tipping point for her and she developed full blown delirium and ended up being readmitted to hospital where she stayed ans deteriorated for another seven weeks whilst a care home place was found. It was made more complicated because there were still covid restrictions in place at that time, which at least you won't have to worry about now, but it was so hard to cope with seeing the distress she was going through. Being an hour away from your mum makes it so hard - with the best will in the world you can't just pop round to see her every day or when she is particularly distressed, and it's so hard to try to manage her worries and hallucinations over the phone.

Here's the other thing, OP - when someone is in hospital, they are being looked after. A load lifts from their shoulders. So they seem fine. Relaxed. Not confused (much).

You need to be aware that she will need a lot more care once she gets home. Because then all the stresses of looking after herself come back.