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Elderly parents
Original poster

Am I right to call 111?

257 replies

JamieFrasersSassenach · 17/02/2024 18:15

DM has definitely got cognitive decline.
This week it has got markedly worse.

Today she has been telling me things have happened that I know have not.

Examples are that her heating isn't working - it's 23 in her house.

She says people have been coming in and out of her house all week - British Gas Homecare came twice to put new batteries in her hive thermostat and then to show her how to set her boiler temperature - their records say she was confused.

I live an hours drive away from her, I came over this morning to check everything for her - all good, spent about 2.5 hours with her.

I got home at lunchtime, by 3.30 she had phoned me 3 times to say her heating was not working and she was freezing (her hive account which I have access to was showing the house temperature to be 23) and then that none of her 3 TVs were working.

I came back - everything working fine, DM wearing a vest top because she is so warm.

She then said she phoned me because there were electrical wires all over the floor and she did not know where to put them.

She said I had left the wires there when I was stripping down electrical equipment this morning.

There were no electrical wires and I had not had any electrical equipment out this morning.

I called 111 and spoke to them about her confusion. I am waiting for a call back.

Is there anyone else I could contact for help this evening?

I can't stay here with her and simply cannot keep driving over, or to be honest cope with constant phone calls. I'm thinking maybe she has a uti and this is making her a bit delusional.

Anyone have experience of similar - ideas of what I should do to get DM some help tonight/tomorrow?

I have PoA set up so if she is deemed in the future to lack capacity I can act on her behalf.

OP posts:
stomachamelon · 17/02/2024 21:14

That's good news!

Original poster
JamieFrasersSassenach · 17/02/2024 21:13

The out of hours doctor's driver just phoned to say they are on their way - about 30 minutes away.
She's hurled more abuse at me so I've come outside to sit in my car until they get here.
I can't take any more of her nastiness, it's awful.

OP posts:
stomachamelon · 17/02/2024 21:05

@JamieFrasersSassenach sounds like you are doing your best and it's maybe a uti. I am sorry things are so difficult. I remember both my elderly grandparents hurling abuse at each other when having urine infections (most unlike them)
It's always worse at night as well.
Hugs.

Cornettoninja · 17/02/2024 20:50

Keep your cool as much as you can, it’s so hard but it does sound like she may be acutely ill. I had a similar experience with my partner when he had pneumonia, his o2 was through the floor but he felt fine (in fairness he was physically in pretty good shape - no obvious outward pneumonia symptoms like you’d expect if you weren’t experienced). Hallucinations and all sorts.

use MN to say what you can’t to her. I’m a selfish bugger so my thoughts turned to resentment of why he was making everything so hard. It’s so hard being the sensible adult one Flowers

mintmagnum3 · 17/02/2024 20:42

Oh IP this must be so upsetting for you.
I hope this is something straightforward to treat like a uti as others have said.
My mamma would completely hinge when she had one. Also with her mentioning she was freezing when it was 23.... could she have a fever?
Sending you lots of love.

Original poster
JamieFrasersSassenach · 17/02/2024 20:41

I'm trying not to argue with her - she is just convinced that I want rid of her and I've called an ambulance to take her away.
I keep trying to explain that I'm worried about her but she won't have it.

She has always had a nasty side and it is out in full force tonight

OP posts:
mrsbyers · 17/02/2024 20:38

It does sound like a UTI could be behind this just keep reassuring her and try to keep her calm til medical help arrives

Bearpawk · 17/02/2024 20:35

Oh op it's very hard, try not to argue with her or correct her too much because it'll frighten her even more. Just try and reassure her if possible and keep her safe till help arrives.

Original poster
JamieFrasersSassenach · 17/02/2024 20:33

Thank you all for listening to my concerns - it's really helpful to be able to write this all out

OP posts:
Original poster
JamieFrasersSassenach · 17/02/2024 20:32

She's really angry and accusing me of all sorts.
She says she'll never forgive me for this.
She won't come home with me because she won't leave her cat.
Honestly I am just concerned that she may have an infection - hence the belief that I had left loads of wires/strings all over the floor etc

She's being really nasty to me now and packing all her medication in a bag.

OP posts:
defnotadomesticgoddess · 17/02/2024 20:28

In our experience this kind of behaviour was caused by anyone of these… low sodium, dehydration, sepsis, uti, stroke. You’re doing the right thing getting her checked out. Don’t take anything she says personally she prob won’t remember when she’s recovered.hope you get her seen soon 💐

BabyHaribo · 17/02/2024 20:28

UTIs can be awful for confusion. Really hope she gets sorted soon.

How old is she OP?

FictionalCharacter · 17/02/2024 20:23

I really hope it's something simple like a UTI, but if it isn't, push to get her checked out. We were certain my mother had dementia which she did, but it wasn't properly diagnosed for years. Before diagnosis there were at least two sudden dramatic changes in her condition which looking back, were clear indicators of dementia. But the GP just said she's just getting old blah blah.

thatneverhappened · 17/02/2024 20:16

UTIs are awful for elderly confused people. Can you take her home with you if you can stay? I've had a kidney infection in my 20s that totally f'd me up. I wouldn't want her to be by herself

StrongTea · 17/02/2024 20:12

Hope someone turns up soon to check on your mum.

Original poster
JamieFrasersSassenach · 17/02/2024 20:09

@olderbutwiser the last time she was this 'confused' was when she came round from a general anaesthetic after having her knee replaced about 3 years ago - she phoned me then to tell me that the nurses were trying to kill her.

That's why I'm concerned about her - although she is convinced I want her locked up so that I can get her money

This is very stressful!

OP posts:
Original poster
JamieFrasersSassenach · 17/02/2024 20:06

She does have a carbon monoxide monitor and it's working.

OP posts:
Original poster
JamieFrasersSassenach · 17/02/2024 20:04

@stomachamelon I am staying with her - although she has told me to
F off.

OP posts:
StrongTea · 17/02/2024 20:04

Has she a carbon monoxide detector?

ShatParp · 17/02/2024 20:03

FIL had similar sudden decline and it was an infection (his was pneumonia) he is in a different area to us and 111 were brilliant and liaised with the healthcare service in his area. Hope you get help soon OP and your Mum gets seen.

stomachamelon · 17/02/2024 20:00

Is there a reason you can't stay with her until it's sorted or another sibling? She doesn't sound very safe.

olderbutwiser · 17/02/2024 19:53

Has this confusion come on fairly suddenly (ie days rather than months/years?). So it's "new onset confusion"?

Is she hot because she has a fever? Does she have a thermometer? Any other signs of an infection?

If she goes for a pee please try to stop her flushing the loo and have a look at her urine! Has she been for a pee all day to your knowledge?

Hope her ambulance arrives soon.

TobiasForgesContactLense · 17/02/2024 19:53

Definitely worth getting her checked out. My DM's confusion last summer was a uti but the most recent episode wasn't. GP was concerned it was sepsis but it was actually a type of anaemia. So could be a number of things which require different treatment.

drowningintinsel · 17/02/2024 19:49

I think it might be worth taking her to an out of hours if you have one? Definitely sounds like. UTI, unless she's usually like this?

WaitingfortheTardis · 17/02/2024 19:36

Poor thing, she sounds very confused which must be really hard for you too. I think you are doing all the right things. It may be worth trying to have a chat with her friend to see if she has been noticing the changes in her behaviour and manner.