Page 32 | 🪳 Cockroach Café Spring 2024 🪳 🪳

MereDintofPandiculation · 2024-02-15T17:13:36+00:00

I’ve had a good clean of the place, replenished supplies, and brought in pots of snowdrops and daffodils to remind us Spring is just around the corner. Come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through. The way MN works, hopefully this thread won’t appear in any featured lists, and the only people wandering in will be those who understand what it’s all about. If you have a BIG question, it might be worth giving it its own thread, so as not to swamp this one. For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. My recent enquiries suggested more people wanted to keep the well known name than wanted to change it to something mor savoury, so for the moment it stays.

Juneday · 09/03/2024 06:35

@MereDintofPandiculation i think that is about the clearest way I have read about CHC eligibility. I had wondered about the geriatric wards, I also read that over 80s make up often the largest group in A&E which is not surprising.

DF rang me to say he had received the brochure on falls alarm that I organised (after DM asked me to). They will probably go ahead ‘but’ he says ‘we don’t actually need it’ - mum fell in the kitchen last week and couldn’t get up and DH too unsteady/bad back etc to help her - he also said they didn’t want a key safe…..

I explained even if a neighbour had a key it is useful for emergency services and their neighbours do go out quite a lot. Then DH said ‘but we can’t remember codes’ …. I said ‘don’t worry you don’ keep your own keys as usual’. Not sure when he said he read the brochure, he had quite understood…

DH nearly 87, has a shuffling walk and DM says ‘does such silly things’ but he thinks he is 20 years younger and finds DMs mobility issues annoying and won’t confront that she isn’t going to be playing tennis every week or drive again. So falls alarm is peace of mind 🤞.

Original poster

MereDintofPandiculation · 08/03/2024 10:32

EmotionalBlackmail · 07/03/2024 21:07

I'm beginning to think my DM is in an alternate reality to me. She's just been moaning about how, before the pandemic, she used to visit regularly, and I worked fewer hours then so we spent a lot of time together and it was lovely.

It was once or twice a year!

DS still tells of the long hours he spent in the boat fishing with his father. It was twice, and he got bored 5minutes after getting the rod out. But it is a very cherished memory of his.

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countrygirl99 · 08/03/2024 04:30

EmotionalBlackmail · 07/03/2024 21:07

I'm beginning to think my DM is in an alternate reality to me. She's just been moaning about how, before the pandemic, she used to visit regularly, and I worked fewer hours then so we spent a lot of time together and it was lovely.

It was once or twice a year!

Every time I go to mum's she asks why I've come in the evening when I normally come Monday lunchtime. I work Monday to Friday. We went out for lunch on one bank holiday in 2021 when dad was in hospital and she couldn't visit so I was trying to distract her.

EmotionalBlackmail · 07/03/2024 21:07

I'm beginning to think my DM is in an alternate reality to me. She's just been moaning about how, before the pandemic, she used to visit regularly, and I worked fewer hours then so we spent a lot of time together and it was lovely.

It was once or twice a year!

Original poster

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/03/2024 20:24

I talked to the assessor about the difficulty of getting CHC. She said it dated back to the 80’s and “Care in the community” - people who were in long term geriatric wards were moved into the community with CHC funding. So a good way of thinking if it is it’s for someone who has more needs than a nursing home would normally fulfil, someone who “ought” to be in hospital except there are no long term geriatric wards now.

Her view is it isn’t hard to get if you have the evidence. I think we were talking from different viewpoints, and I understand her viewpoint. When we say it’s hard to get, we mean it’s hard to qualify. No doubt if our parent was having night terrors and couldn’t be calmed, was striking out at staff, frequently falling, wouldn’t cooperate with washing or changing pads, was doubly incontinent, and had pressure sores bad enough to need a specialist tissue nurse called in, provided we had evidence of all that, it would go through smoothly. But most of our parents aren’t that bad. (The CHC tool is an eye opener in how bad someone can be but still be alive)

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Juneday · 07/03/2024 16:29

@MereDintofPandiculation glad it all worked out and made me smile about bullying cats, I have one of those, 3 would be impossible…. About 5 months ago an initial assessment for possible CHC to be investigated was started for MiL which DH attended virtually. Haven’t heard a thing and of course & she has deteriorated significantly since but I am not sure it’s worth chasing as it is such a slow process and rarely CHC is awarded. I might go back and look at criteria again sometime and ask what happened after that meeting many months ago. Even if nothing comes of it you have a good point re learning about current health and issues in more detail. MiL can’t eat solid food now, has low BP (again), sleeps a lot, shouts out & can be difficult when awake, has been & likely still on anti depressants, needs carers/nurses for all personal care…etc etc. . But as she has only small savings she isn’t paying huge costs herself, so in a way I don’t feel the need to chase - although that means LA local authority meet most of the bill not the local health Trust.

I imagine many who might be eligible don’t get it or know how to start the ball rolling, other families fight for it, or appeal a ‘no’, they learn the system, procedures and legal wording et, I admire them for doing so, it shouldn’t be so hard.

SeriouslyAgain · 07/03/2024 16:19

Glad it was all so seamless MereDint.

thesandwich · 07/03/2024 16:18

@MereDintofPandiculation thats good news. Hope Dh continues to improve.

Original poster

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/03/2024 15:43

@thesandwich Thanks, he’s doing well. Procedure seems to have worked, there were doubts yesterday evening, and he’s very much more cheerful.

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Original poster

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/03/2024 15:41

It all went remarkably easily. I went to the CHC meeting, not because I thought we had a dog’s chance of getting it, but because it’s a useful way to catch up with his condition. Meanwhile DH was in a comfy chair in the unit being offered sandwiches, and was handed over to me (like picking up a primary school kid) at lunchtime.

They were doing their safeguarding seriously. After “who is picking you up? Have got anyone at home with you?” they asked “are you frightened of anyone at home? Is anyone bullying you?” DH said “yes, three cats”, the guy before him said “yes, I’ve a 10 year old daughter”. I bet they were thinking “it’s going to be a long day”.

All the staff at the nursing home were dressed up for Book Day. All very bright and cheerful.

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thesandwich · 07/03/2024 13:42

@MereDintofPandiculation hope you managed to magic a way to get to both. Sorry to hear your dh has been in hospital- how is he doing?

DahliaMacNamara · 07/03/2024 11:06

Oh, God, @MereDintofPandiculation , exactly what you don't need. It's getting on for late morning now, so I imagine the choice has been made one way or another, but hanging around twiddling your thumbs and waiting for your DH to be officially discharged while the CHC meeting goes on elsewhere...I want to scream just thinking about it.

WhatHaveIFound · 07/03/2024 10:10

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/03/2024 09:06

They’re tipping DH out of hospital this morning, neatly coinciding with a CHC meeting for Dad. No, I don’t have anyone else who can collect DH. Yes, I do want to go to CHC meeting because it’s an unparalleled opportunity to get a full picture of Dad’s medical needs.

Can your DH wait in the hospital coffee shop until you're able to pick him up?

countrygirl99 · 07/03/2024 09:14

@MereDintofPandiculation isn't that always the way. Are you getting the complete standard incompression that you can't be in 2 places at once?

Original poster

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/03/2024 09:06

They’re tipping DH out of hospital this morning, neatly coinciding with a CHC meeting for Dad. No, I don’t have anyone else who can collect DH. Yes, I do want to go to CHC meeting because it’s an unparalleled opportunity to get a full picture of Dad’s medical needs.

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WhatHaveIFound · 07/03/2024 08:50

The turning point was a friend having to have the door broken down to be rescued by paramedics because they didn't have a keysafe. Whereupon relative assumes position of superiority on all things keysafe and starts berating the friend for not thinking about getting one!

My parents have a keysafe but I have lost times of the amount of times I've had to remind mum not to leave her key in the back of the door. Practically every time I visit she's done it again so I suspect that one day they will have to break the door down regardless.

StiffyByngsDogBartholomew · 06/03/2024 21:32

I heard one of the 18yos playing Clair de Lune tonight. Suffice to say I shan't be clearing a space for any silverware 🤣

Juneday · 06/03/2024 16:21

@StiffyByngsDogBartholomew good luck with the recital, I am sure the 18 year olds will be willing you on, lovely to hear about talented musicians, and have a fab time in Venice.

SeriouslyAgain · 06/03/2024 11:01

Brilliant StiffyByngs!
That sounds a lot like our life, except that I'm completely unmusical and can't keep up with DD and DH!

StiffyByngsDogBartholomew · 06/03/2024 10:12

This time on Monday I will be in Venice with DH. I CANT WAIT.
today is busy, it's our local music festival and Dd and I have family music tonight, she has flute this afternoon then I am rather ill advisedly doing a recital class on Friday night which I am a bit concerned about as I'm playing with a load of brilliant 18 year olds 😂. Hopefully I can just make it to the end of my pieces without having a breakdown haha
im playing 3 pieces by African American female composers which are just gorgeous and I didn't realise until yesterday that it's actually international women's day so works perfectly with my theme !
dd did her piano yesterday which she wasn't really well prepared for, started at breakneck speed on her Schumann Wild Horseman piece and had a complete breakdown in the middle. Bless her she finished it but then inconsolably cried for 20 minutes. Which may well be me on Friday but I'm definitely not expecting to win !

Newmum738 · 02/03/2024 11:42

thesandwich · 02/03/2024 09:59

@Newmum738 can I suggest you start a thread in legal? Some real experts who are unlikely to venture into the caff.

Good idea. Thanks!

EmotionalBlackmail · 02/03/2024 11:15

@Juneday I've found it takes ages for them to consider adding in something new, even if it's relatively simple and doesn't require installing something! Even if you send links or do the research for them. Perhaps related to not wanting to recognise that it represents a further step towards needing more help?

It took over a year from first suggesting it to mine getting a key safe. And there were stages of denial (why would I need one of those), it would put people out (who would have a key), it's not secure (anyone could get in!), it's too difficult (finding someone to install it).

The turning point was a friend having to have the door broken down to be rescued by paramedics because they didn't have a keysafe. Whereupon relative assumes position of superiority on all things keysafe and starts berating the friend for not thinking about getting one!

So if you know one of their friends already has whatever it is, that can be a big step towards getting it!

Original poster

MereDintofPandiculation · 02/03/2024 10:23

@Newmum738 You could start with ringing the Office of Public Guardian helpline 0300 456 0300 I think.

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thesandwich · 02/03/2024 09:59

@Newmum738 can I suggest you start a thread in legal? Some real experts who are unlikely to venture into the caff.

Newmum738 · 02/03/2024 08:46

Hi all, I have a very complex matter that I'm dealing with regarding a property trust. I'm having serious issues with the company and struggling to get support. One of my questions is where to get support if a company is not respecting power of attorney. I also need to find a professional trustee and struggling with that as well. Any ideas?