🪳 Cockroach Café Spring 2024 🪳 🪳

Massively under appreciated today… any tips on how to explain to someone with complex medical needs and increasingly confused why they are in a nursing home?

Do I need to do a PowerPoint presentation that shows the pros/cons/costs with pictures?

Or do I just let myself be told how angry they are with me and move on. I’m struggling to find words that don’t agree but acknowledge their feeling loss of control etc.

@countrygirl99 Congratulations to your DS!

I sympathise about the pain of not being able to share children's achievements with their grandparents. They were always the only people I felt free to boast to because they'd also be proud.

Well done to your son @countrygirl99, a great achievement! COVID era certainly had its challenges.

@countrygirl99 .

@BestIsWest it is bittersweet indeed. Went to see mum this evening and told her. 5 minutes later she was asking when he finishes uni. I must have told her 5 times in just over an hour.

@countrygirl99 congratulations! You must be so proud. Bittersweet in a way. My DF died two days before DS got his degree results. Mixed emotions.

@countrygirl99 thank you for your good news, congratulations to your DS.

Congratulations @countrygirl99 fantastic news- but as you say, bittersweet.🌺

Thanks@Mum5net what with covid, elderly parents and brexit impacts it was stressful all round. He didn't get to see either Grandad again after Christmas 2019 but at least he got back a couple of times to see his nan.

@countrygirl99 Great news about your DS. I remember the complexities and the hoop jumping and frustration. But hurrah for FaceTime. It's bittersweet I know, but enjoy the two-way celebrations this week and when you catch up in person.

Apologies for an off topic post but long standing posters may remember that back in 2020 my youngest son emigrated to Finland. They were the first wedding in their city after covid, all very hastily arranged. Arrangements confirmed on Friday, married on Wednesday with just us present and emigrated 2 days later. Brides parents were stuck in Abu Dhabi. Very relieved as otherwise he would have had to convince the check in person they had been living together for 2 years to be eligible to enter Finland. Timing was determined by Brexit so all very stressful. He enrolled in a degree course - did the entrance exam in the UK the day before lockdown started!
Today he got his results and he's passed with a great grade and goes on to do a masters in water and waste management next. I'm just sad that he couldn't say a proper goodbye to his 3 grandparents who have now died and mum won't remember 5 minutes after I tell her.

Both my parents stopped driving due to Alzheimers. We haven't informed DVLA. DH is not currently driving due to health. He has a semi official diagnosis of epilepsy. When/if we get the diagnosis from a neurologist we'll contact DVLA. Either way he won't be driving.

@MereDintofPandiculation very good point about the loss of ID. We’re okay for a while longer. I wonder if the DVLA chase it up at all 🤔

@PanettonePudding I think just the shorter form in practice to be honest.

DVLA sent DF a long form because concerns had been raised with them. We found the short form instead and DF was able to sign and I returned.

https://www.gov.uk/giving-up-your-driving-licence

DF was due to have to reconfirm he was fit to drive a few months after he surrendered his licence anyway due to age and health conditions, so he still received that at the usual time.

The long form every 3 years was already a task he had completed before but he couldn’t cope with a form like that now anyway. A lot has changed in 3 years.

My dad had to give up driving to eyesight and mum gave up soon after, basically because she hated driving and wasn't lumbered with all of it. At first they were quite happy to use taxis as it worked out a lot less than running a car and they used a community minibus for supermarket runs which gave it a social dimension as well. But covid broke the habit and now mum is horrified at the thought of paying a penny for transport. Luckily the community minibus is only £10 for an annual subscription if you have a bus pass but even that gets a huff about the cost.

And taxis round here work out at £2 a mile

it seems a lot. But we took DM through the maths when she had her accident (thankfully no one hurt) and she realised that the insurance payout for the car, plus not paying insurance, tax and petrol, actually paid for quite a lot of taxis if she wanted them. Plus the taxis were door to door and the drivers often helped carry the shopping to the door.

Is there any benefit to surrendering a driving licence, rather than simply stopping driving?

There are lots of places in most cities that work OK with public transport. I think I'm suggesting that it needs to be something we factor into long term planning, whether that is for us or our parents. What actually happens is that many elderly people get trapped into continuing to drive long after it is safe because they have no alternative. But this is totally predictable, so it makes sense to identify the options - which might include moving - at an early stage.

Mercifully we were helped with the surrendering the driving licence when medical professionals said it was no longer safe. There’s a very short form to surrender - rather than the very long form to retain.

Happily I'm pretty sure they've already decided!