Carers after a stroke

I've just realised she's on a home now,sorry x

Attendance Allowance form took me over 10 hours to complete but worth it as mum got £108 per week.

You can do it on her behalf OP and take photo copies of it all as it needs to be re applied for every 3 years and it will make it easier.

I wouldn't do any work to the house if it's being sold to pay for care. Just sell as seen

I'm a speech therapist working in stroke and a private review with them might be worthwhile too.

No point doing the house up before sale - extra expense and work to organise. Get some estate agents round to value it as is, price to sell and it'll probably be bought by a developer.

Oh I'm sorry to hear that.

There is hope perhaps that she might settle? Don't be afraid to complain HARD about things like her being laughed at. And don't be afraid to look at other homes, they vary a lot and at least when she is self funding she cam choose.

Once the house is sold, could she employ a private physio to come and see her, even if it is only to improve certain small goals? You could even try and find out if anyone else in the home would like to have physio too - to reduce travel expenses if nothing else.

I have to say though it sounds as if she has given up a bit. I hope it's temporary or if not, that at least they are kind to her.

Have you considered live in care in the short term to help with rehabilitation and daily care etc? I know this can range from £150 to £175 a day if you have a private carer. Maybe the local authority would part fund and equity release from her home for the rest. Just putting the idea out there. Hopefully mum will recover and the care may be reduced as she improves.

Oops, sorry! I forgot she was under retirement age!

Yes in the area I am in they will do home visits, help with form filling, benefit checks etc.

It would be PIP. She is only 64.

Op the link you’ve been given is for attendance allowance your mil needs to claim pip. The first step is a phone call but the claimant needs to be there. I think it would be difficult for you to claim completely on her behalf unless you have power of attorney for her. You will definitely need her national insurance number. I agree with others that perhaps the social worker could help organise this or age uk but your mil would have to agree and co operate in completing the form. Not easy.

I think the key people here are the occupational therapist and the social worker, with the 0hysio a close third. Try ringing them, and if they can't talk to you, ask them to talk to her about giving permission for you to talk through the options.

What goals have the therapists set? Do they think they are realistic?

Does the occupational therapist have a goal for her to be able to clean herself on the toilet, and to get her clothes off and on when going to the loo? How about showering?

Does the physio have a goal for independent transfers from wheelchair to toilet?

I’m guessing the forms can’t be done online by us for her. Either do it for her and explain why she can’t claim, or do it for her and send her the relevant sheets to claim. Try not to let her see the whole thing as you’ll have to be honest about her abilities, and it’s not good for the self esteem

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/attendance-allowance-claim-form

It’s repetitive but relatively straightforward. AgeUK will help

Age UK might be able to help. They came out to ILs and sorted out what they could claim and helped fill in the forms but it's very area dependent. They also put them in touch with an advocate who helped talk to social services. Where mum lives their services are much more limited and there is a also lot less they can put people in touch with.

Just want to say as she’s 64 it would be personal independence payment she applies for as she’s under the state retirement age. The care element is the same as for attendance allowance but there is also the possibility of a mobility element. She sounds like she would qualify but the form is long and needs completing in full detail and there is usually an assessment before it is awarded. Citizens advice can help with the form but they cannot do home visits. Age uk may be able to it depends where your mil is. Are you sure she isn’t already getting it if she has been disabled for a while? If you google citizens advice they have a good website that will explain it all in more detail. It is not means tested.

IIRC the form that FIL had to do for attendance allowance was bloody ridiculous, like 50 pages or something stupid like that. Way beyond him.

Also, the carers thing for 4 x per day was not allowed in his area. It was 3 x per day max.

This is an awful situation and many people find themselves in it.

There are no good answers. Any cash just drains away.

I am going to put it really bluntly, I've been through it.

She will really really struggle.
Online shopping is quite variable - some will bring it in, some will refuse to deliver if the immobile person can't get to the door (even when the instructions say to leave it on doorstep).
If you need the toilet between care visits, you shit yourself.
Everyone who comes deals with their own "responsibility" and nothing else. So loads of stuff slips through, the property gets dirty, messy, crowded with equipment and generally a soul destroying place.
The person ends up isolated and desperate
The family end up struggling (we were more than 100 miles away, kids, work, dog etc)

She needs to get out of that property ASAP and buy an little apartment in a place such as this: (it's 60+ so she qualifies). You get your own apartment and facilities but there are communal facilities and help - eg dining place and critically, some company. It's not a nursing home. It's a place where she'd be able to manage.

I'm not specifically recommending this place. It's just an example. It was too late for FIL. He lived in the house haunted by mil's death and struggled (didn't want to move out). Ultimately he died as a direct result of living alone.

Retirement Housing With Care | Extra-Care Properties For Sale & Rent | MHA

Hi Sorry I thought you'd said she had some savings.
Attendance Allowance is £68 per wk I think which would be enough for (just for example) a cleaner or a bit of extra care. Applications are taking 12 weeks so best to apply ASAP.
An OT assessment will be funded and is usually sorted via the hospital just before discharge (in my experience anyway). They will then provide (again, for free) necessary equipment. It is worth chasing this as it can be the difference between some independence and none at all.
Re getting to the toilet, if she can't manage in between carer visits, there is probably a continence service (there is where I am but I know areas vary) which will provide pads for free.
Best of luck. It's a very stressful thing to have to deal with.

Tough one. She's just going to have to find things out the hard way by the sound of it. If she has capacity she is allowed to make unwise decisions but the hardest thing is to step back knowing what the fall out is likely to be.