Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Elderly parents
Original poster

DM wants a riser-chair costing £4.5k! Advice v welcome

583 replies

Valleyofthedollymix · 30/01/2024 14:51

DM is 82 with moderate dementia. It affects her mobility more than her cognitive abilities but I don't know how much this is to do with the dementia and how much is due to her lack of exercise over many years.

She is currently burning through finite funds by living in a large house with a very expensive live-in carer through an agency. After a lifetime of being careful with money, she's spending like Liberace and it's going to run out, especially since I think she'll live a long time. Frustratingly, the extravagance encouraged by the carer, for example endless new pairs of trousers and cashmere jumpers (one week she bought six). If we query this spending, it gets turned into a black mark against us - for someone with a failing memory, DM can keep a really good tally of the ways in which we've 'denied' her.

Anyway the latest was the carer organising for a bespoke riser recliner chair company to come round to demo. DM apparently 'fell in love' with the deluxe one and has chosen the fabric etc. It costs nearly £4600. This feels like an awful lot to me but apparently, it's tailor made for her spine, size etc.

Does anyone know if this is worth it? Of course, if it's a buy once buy the best situation and it'll change her life, fair enough, we'll find the funds. But I wouldn't spend that sort of money on anything without due diligence. I feel like we're being bounced into it. I'm also unsure of the wisdom of these chairs at all because might it exacerbate my mother's immobility?

So, if anyone has any knowledge on how much you need to spend and what's worth it, I'd be vvvv grateful.

OP posts:
NewYear24 · 30/01/2024 15:27

Would she be able to operate it?

Mothership4two · 30/01/2024 15:26

I'd go 2nd hand as late FIL got one that hadn't even been used (Ebay) and he barely used his. Sadly this is often the case where elderly person goes downhill fast - especially after a broken hip like FIL. They are heavy though if you have to collect. https://www.reclinerfactory.com/ was recommended to us.

Like others I would have serious concerns about carer and money

Original poster
Valleyofthedollymix · 30/01/2024 15:24

In answer to q, up above, she does seem to have completely lost sense of the value of money. It's like pounds are pesetas. Like when I reduced it to one live-in carer, she just kept on saying that the additional carer did her nails. I stupidly tried to say to her - look if you have a second carer for an extra month that's going to cost you nearly £10,000 more, do you understand what most people have to do to earn that amount of money?

OP posts:
Original poster
Valleyofthedollymix · 30/01/2024 15:20

This is all really useful, thank you so much for taking the time.

Yes the carer is through a nationwide agency, which charges an absolute fortune (nearly 2k a week). It made sense when my dad was alive as his needs were constantly evolving and we knew we needed flexibility for the likely short time he would live in order that he stay at home.

It means we've got into this big bucks spending and DM feels v entitled. She was furious when I cut the live-in carers from two to one when he died - they weren't even supposed to be caring for her but she's turned into some sort of dowager duchess!

I like the main carer who makes my life easier by taking a lot of initiative. But god she loves spending other people's money. So much smoked salmon! She's always on at me for something - the most expensive Dyson, a new bigger TV etc. We are in control of my mother's finances but carer can use the card and also asks for stuff. I don't think she's dodgy, but she's deeply irritating. We have POA. It feels like we're being put into a tricky position when we're asked for stuff. I would have liked to have been asked before the chair company came round - we just got sent photos of DM looking gleeful in the 'deluxe' model and told she'd already chosen the fabric.

I'm chasing NHS OT now, but you know what that's like...

OP posts:
Itwasfinetillitwasnt · 30/01/2024 15:12

Rise and recliner chairs aren't always recommended for those with failing memories/health as it can cause more accidents (falling out of chair etc). It's worth seeing an nhs occupational therapist for a proper assessment of needs (not a private company whom is going to say you need the most expensive). If they think it's suitable/appropriate you could then look around and get a cheaper one because that sounds extortionate. You can often get reconditioned ones through charities that might help. I think I'd be very concerned about the influence of the carers and look at safeguarding issues, responsibilities of money, power of attorney etc.

MrsKwazi · 30/01/2024 15:05

The chair is unlikely to be worth 4.5k. I’d look for pre-loved (ebay etc)

Is the carer employed through an agency?

Advice400 · 30/01/2024 15:00

All I know is that I love Stressless chairs and some of them are nearly £4k! Although a salesman coming sounds very much like there's a middle man to pay here, on top of the supply.

If its her money that fine but if she is going to run out then her caring arrangement may be in jeopardy.

She may have some cognitive ability but not be able to reconcile spending now with an affect on her future.

If she still has capacity and is in charge of her finances I guess the only thing you can do is explain to her- maybe in figures - how long her income and savings will.support her caring arrangements and how she needs to be careful in everyday spending to secure that arrangement.

If she needs the chair though, she needs one. Although it may be cheaper to buy from a store and certainly would be from gumtree!

ClematisRock · 30/01/2024 14:57

I can't help you with the cost of such a chair but I'd be a tad concerned at the influence this cater seems to have over your mum with regard to spending mum's money.

I really hope you've got Power of Attorney in place and a 3rd Party agreement in place with your mum's bank.

Swipe left for the next trending thread