DM wants a riser-chair costing £4.5k! Advice v welcome

Also so worth getting a leather recliner. My aunt had a fabric one of her choice and ended up with double incontinence and endless waterproof mats that moved about. Even just dropping her tea was a pia.

With recliners if you’re likely to get a few years out of them they’re really worth it.

Re cashmere jumpers - quite apart from the whole loss of inhibition, compulsiveness angle - she may well have forgotten the previous ones, and lost track of how many she has, but kept the “I need a jumper” message in her head. My dad once got 3 haircuts in one week!

Another factor is my father will tell you he doesn’t have any clothes because he can’t see them, and doesn’t think to open his cupboard and drawers.

Our POA is not only financial its welfare too. So you act in the persons best interest with health decisions too. Good luck to you and mum

A Riser recliner chair has to fit properly otherwise it's uncomfortable and doesn't work properly, my father needed a large sized one, my mother a small one ( when I was at the specialist chair place which had all sorts of different makes and sizes, I was standard)
So yes she needs the right size but best to go for an independent company which has lots of different makes which will probably able to find one that fits and if she wants can get it in a particular fabric. There are more important things to consider to make life easier, for example knobbly wooden ends to the arms are better for those with arthritic hands than big fabric ends
It will be dear but probably not that dear and it could be a lot less
Is the carer the same size as mum? Lovely to have all those cashmere jumpers that she will not wear much. My mum loved hers but actually just wore her existing ones she has bought over the years, she did like the occasional new one, they are good as they are warm and soft but no one needs that many. Could it be that mum just likes to open the parcels and admire the new jumper. Would she get the same.pleasure if existing ones were wrapped up a d opened. Just trying to think what it is about getting new ones that she loves, not trying to decieve

A friend had a similar quote for a riser chair, then her daughter found a brand new one for £500. It does the job just as well. Her daughter is a physio so knew where to look.

It’s such a shame that people think it’s all about inheritance. Money means nothing when you watch your mum deteriorate and your father heart broken.
I insisted my mum looked her best in good quality clothes as she had loved dressing up, long after her diagnosis of dementia, the family bought her nice things which were easy for her to wear and in colours she loved
When my mum died and we had to downsize her home.
We found she had bought several cardigans jumpers the same and forget she had bought them.
My dad didn’t buy soap or cleaning things for ten years she had stashed so much.
I used to say are you sure you want this don’t you have it and she would argue she didn’t. Hopefully POA is in place.
After witnessing this my husband and myself made a death folder with everything financial, will NI numbers funeral plans and made sure they know where everything is. We were in our early 50’s.

Absolutely!

"Have you got POA?" is a new "cancel the cheque".

I think this is a serious concern if your DM has dementia and the carer is making these suggestions.
Do you have power of attorney over spending? May be time for change of carer or at the very least a conversation with her employer! Possibly a conversation with family over legal and estate matters.

Sorry haven't had a chance to read all the replies yet so sorry if this is now useless information! I've been through this exact situation with my parents. Mum got her Vampire Throne chair 4 years ago, before we knew she had Alzheimer's. Even then it was £3,500. 4 years on she has been diagnosed, and her mild Alzheimer's has rapidly progressed. Some days she can't remember what buttons to press on it to do what function. Poor 90yr old dad has to sit and remind her constantly what buttons do what function. And as many have said we got Dad a second hand one for £150. Literally no difference between the chairs. But Mum is rather salty about the fact that dads cost so much less. So if she does need one, yes get it second hand.

I have a colleague that has a parent in this situation. They do a tesco order for their food. Carers come in through the day. They have had to stop their parent having access to cards etc as they were just spending on nonsense. They have a duty of care to manage their finances properly. They may need to use that money in the future for full time care. Don't think they will accept cashmere jumpers and silk scarves as payment. A wardrobe full of clothes etc that they don't wear is a waste.

I was asked out by someone who was a salesman for these chairs once, who was bragging how much money he made in commission. I thought it really distasteful but he had all the stock lines about it being their money they’d worked for and why leave it for children who had their own money. In fact, he was that motivated by money, he left his car at home on the drive and went everywhere in the liveried company van. He was horrible, but I could imagine his smarminesses with his customers ( victims)

I agree with you; inherited money should not be wasted. I believe in charitable giving, children hospitals and animal rescue programs being my top two. I suggest putting mom on a budget so that she won’t spend frivolously. Why buy clothes that you will never wear or wear once? Save an animal instead! That’s just me.

When my mother had dementia, my brother stuck his nose in and got her an electric powered wheelchair. She had no physical disabilities, so she had no need for one. Then he bypassed her guardian and helped her contract to get a slanted walkway to the back to go in and out of the house. The front steps were too tall. It cost over £3000 for this walkway. They lived in a mobile home so the hallway between the front room and the bedroom wasn’t wide enough to get it to the walkway. When the contractor wanted to get paid, he was surprised that my mother couldn’t pay him. Of course her guardian said that the man should be paid and paid the outrageous bill. Seriously it wasn’t that long and should have been gold plated for that price. This was over a decade ago. The caretaker that lived there didn’t let the contractor know that she couldn’t contract either. It was a huge mess. I would definitely look for a new caregiver if this one is making decisions that aren’t in the best interests of your DM.

My husband and I have just put a death folder together for our three sons.
with POA pre paid funeral plans,all financial details NI numbers birth certificates. Anything they need in the event of our death.
We are newly retired but we want to know things are easy for them.
As a nurse I witnessed so many difficult situations causing distress following death.
I completed POA online at less than £100 each with easy to follow guidelines on how to complete.
Think about it! Then put in away and forget about it sorted!

We got a riser recliner for my father which cost
about £500 from a furniture store. it is perfect. We looked at DFS risers first, they were £1000 and above and you have to wait several weeks for them.

OP already has lasting power of attorney and is using it to sort things out. And an LPA is of no use once the donor passes away as the authority to act as attorney dies with the donor. Access to funding for things like funerals etc, is the job of the executor of the will, and if there is none, the solicitor handling probate will ensure payment of expenses.

Agreed!

She doesn't sound as if she's buying things just for kicks, I think she's being coercive controlled by the carer!

As a professional carer, I've found that relatives will let you know in subtle and unsubtle ways what is reasonable for the client to spend. Some tips: 1) the carer can be cheeky and take DM out for expensive meals or spa days that include herself. This needs stopping immediately, or for special treats only, and I do think a word in the carer's ear in that DM could live for another 20 years would be sensible. 2) recliner chairs vary in price and a good one can be picked up for far less. Why is the carer allowed to encourage this profligacy, and so much freedom with the client's funds? I think a good carer will exercise 'due diligence' over spending what is not her money. She needs telling. Other people can take advantage too, be they salesmen like this chair one or even so-called friends, like the group who used to phone "to take darling John out for lunch". It was only when I withheld his debit card for the weekend shopping that I found out that he always paid! He never saw them again - and it was no loss to him, as he never really wanted to go, he later told me.
I would have a proper conversation with this 'carer' about not being able to fund her for much longer if this crazy spending goes on - swallow your pride! I wish she was my client, I'd use some psychology on her!!

Completely agree with everything this poster said. My mother had dementia at the end of her life. Her husband had Alzheimer’s. I had to quickly get attorneys to get them under care. Everything was a nightmare. We made their last days together as close as possible to what they wanted it to be. Her husband’s children made the nightmare so much worse.

I know it is hard having to parent your parents. Just know that you are doing the best you can for your DM and try not to beat yourself up too much.

OK. So I have some experience of this scenario with very aged parents, (one recently passed aged 94). Firstly, I would be talking to the Agency the Carer is employed by as s/he should not be having this amount of say in your mum's finances and tbh, s/he sounds a bit dodgy. Sorry if that sounds as thought I am contributing out of turn. My mum's carer (s) would not presume to have an opinion on what she should or should not be spending her money on without consulting her family.
I bought three recliner/tippy up chairs and the first two cost around £500 and the other from Amazon at £279. All very comfy and work perfectly. 4.5k is a bloody rip off. My mum has dementia too and she has no idea about money and clearly couldn't care less, although did when she was well. Please contact the line manager of the Carer. It doesn't sound OK that s/he seemingly has so much influence. Clearly it is your mum's money for her to do as she pleases with it but I'd be concerned that she is very vulnerable.

You have had lots of great advice from OTs about the chair. I just wanted to reiterate what others have said regarding the carer. I would definitely be talking to her regarding how she’s encouraging the excessive spending and wouldn’t allow her access to mum’s card. If she carries on I’d change agency/carer. The spending sounds like it’s to do with your mum’s dementia (as it’s out of character) and the carer is facilitating this. Seems like a major red flag to me. If there isn’t a bottomless pit of money your mum is going to be in trouble when it runs out.

Use the Lady magazine, and get a private carer. You need a live in one. They then need two hours off a day (another carer probably if your mother will not be on her own). Your current carer is taking the Micky. My dad has dementia. I’ve been through all of this. In the end we settled on two carers on a two week rotation. Dementia is a bloody nightmare. But with the right people in place you can get back to getting the most out of your mother during these difficult times