DM wants a riser-chair costing £4.5k! Advice v welcome

There are 32 currently on sale through eBay

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/225978540455?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=-u1rO6vdSq2&sssrc=4429486&ssuid=gibgujitrii&var=&widget_ver=artemis&media=COPY

Significantly less than £4K !!

After reading all your posts, OP, I don't think the chair is really the issue. It sounds like she can afford the chair, so I'd probably let her get one if she can't be persuaded to make a more sensible choice (like a near new second hand one). I think the issue is the ongoing spending and what that means for her future finances. She has means now but what when it runs out? You want to know her money is going to go the distance for her. This is the issue I'd be addressing, and you may have to be firm with your mother if the situation needs it.

We bought these bespoke riser recliner chairs. At that time the cost was just over £3000. Care Co sell the exact same thing for less that £1000. If she has mobility issues and difficulty getting out of chairs the riser recliners can be a godsend but the bespoke ones are not the only option. Care Co are not the only company that do them but they do have a reasonable reputation and showrooms so you can see what you are getting.

"Aww thanks for saying that, I feel like a bitch most of the time - the grumpy daughter played by Olivia Coleman with a pinched face."

hugs, I think we all feel this way a lot of the time, I swing from constant guilt, shame at my less noble reactions to irritation, anger and intense frustration

unfortunately this path we tread is littered with landmines

To be honest, these chairs are great for people who are independently mobile who just find it a bit difficult to get up from a normal armchair for whatever reason, for everyone else they aren't really needed. A set of chair raisers or a completely different normal chair and a carer on hand would probably do the same job !

Let her have her chair.

Perhaps a chat about how, overall she is spending ALOT of money but it's her decision ultimately.

I want to facilitate her staying in the house if that's what she wants.

Surely only if that is what is best for her though?

My mil had one of these. It was £50 on marketplace so no it's not worth it and they're not tailor made to your spine. It's an electric recliner/riser.

The way you describe her eating as changed drastically sounds to me like she has frontal lobe damage. Do you know what type of dementia she has? Has she been scanned recently. Also the change in her attitude to spending and spending on a massive level. Both of these changes are personality change and disinhibition with her giving in to her base desires.

Have you noticed any change in her mood? Does she have rages and outbursts?

I'd request a review from her psychiatrist on the basis of the recent behaviour changes. Huge weight gain in a short period isn't good, she'll end up diabetic and with all the related problems.

The excessive spending is symptomatic of her dementia and your concerns are valid and not from a worried about your inheritance angle. She is literally pissing money away and she needs to be safeguarded and protected from her excesses.

You sound a lovely lady in a challenging situation.

Have you spoken to the care managers about the level of spending that the carer seems to be encouraging your DM to do ?

Also with the carers can you try being a little blunter ? I get you need them, but you absolutely should not be the one they're complaining to about their employers. Try being a little less available, redirecting the conversation back to your DM, and more non committal in your responses.

My 2p. Spend the money as long as she’ll enjoy it.

when she gets in a care home it’s evaporate and council homes and private homes are really not noceably different when you stop caring about table cloths and being able to access the activities ( happened early with both my care home relies ). In some ways dads home ( was both council and private ) was better than current care home resident gets now in the way of care etc.

also don’t buy a leather / pleather riser recliner they all slide off them 🤣

ABLE WORLD near us around a thousand pounds, that sounds like it should be gold plated,another vote for hope you have got power of attorney.my dad was fleeced by a private cleaner be careful.

I read an article recently that said some carers actually have criminal records and they manage to get jobs as carers because they are difficult to fill because the salaries are so low. Also it said most of them have not had even basic medical training.
Would you not tell the carer that she is over stepping the remit of her job -which she certainly seems to be doing? I think I would.
It seems she took it upon herself to get the chair bought at great expense - although they are endlessly advertised on SKY NEWS and seem really ugly..
Might your DM leave all/some inheritance to said carer (which may well happen and she is free to do)?
Can you ask for daily report of the carer's visits or better still get concealed video camera with sound if such a thing exists?

https://www.careflex.co.uk/posture-management/the-clinicians-pocket-book-of-seating/

this is a useful resource and will give you an idea of what clinicians consider. Lots of other companies apart from careflex to get quotes from but this book is a good resource.

One of my aged relatives got a £4500 quote for a bespoke riser recliner. I talked him out of it . The riser-recliner shop offered to discount the price to £1500 - showing how inflated their original offer was.
His physio said he was better off lying down in bed for a nap, and sitting upright when he was up. That was then - obviously there are situations when rr chairs are a blessing - and he got a nice high-back, high-seat fixed armchair in his chosen fabric instead, for £300, from another shop.

The benefit of the agency is that they should give you a Care Manager who is someone you can complain to. Someone who you can ensure your views on your mothers care are taken into consideration. If the carer is sick, they provide an immediate replacement etc etc.

There are some shocking care agencies out there though. If your DM is within the M25 I know a fantastic dementia agency who can help you.

Sounds like some kind of financial abuse/lack of proper care on behalf of the agency. Might be worth a call to Adult Social Care.

Hate to say this, but we had a career that encouraged various luxury items to be bought, which I didn’t think to keep track of. Quite a few mysteriously vanished. Just saying.

OP, impulsive spending is a symptom of dementia. The carer should know this and not indulge mother.

You need to speak to the dementia care manager at the agency and raise a complaint. Either the carer does not have specialist dementia training or is not very good at her job.

PP’s saying that it’s her money and she should do what she wants with it are mistaken. As you have seen throughout your life, your mum, the real person before dementia set in, was not a big spender. This is part of her illness and she should be protected from it. That’s what your POA is for.

Plus she wouldn't have the expenses of maintaining the house, insurance, water, bills, council tax, food etc

You've said a couple of times that she wanted to go into a home.
If this is still the case then could she not move to one ?
Costs would be roughly similar as the carer - £2k per week - but she'd have more company and stimulation and there would be less extraneous spending. It sounds like she is shopping because she is bored and carer is egging her on.

(Going up 4 dress sizes in 3 months, you know that's extreme weight gain. You said you wouldn't let your kids eat haribo and drink cola all day so why let your mum eat that amount.