DM wants a riser-chair costing £4.5k! Advice v welcome

Do not buy one of these chairs privately. Get an OT assessment, these chairs can be provided at no cost, regardless of finances, by OT/social services. We have two, one in the living room and one in DH's bedroom. We pay for care but adaptations, equipment, accessible bathrooms etc are not means tested.

We paid about £5k a month for live in care through a well known agency. This was three years ago so appreciate it will have gone up since then but surely not to as much as you are paying? We were very pleased with the carer, who ended up staying a long time, and having the back up of the agency g ft it all sorts of stuff as well as covering her holiday etc. so you could certainly shop around for different agencies. But if you are keen to stay with currently one, definitely speak to the carer's manager about the spending, and take away the bank card.

4.5K is an unreasonable amount for a recliner chair. There are some very comfy one in mobility centres - a trip out to try other options would be worth it. It is not the carers role to 'encourage' your Mum to spend. I do know that dementia, even mild dementia can change the relationship with money.

Thank you for that tip, I'll keep it in mind. My dad is still with us and I think it would disturb him if we moved it now, but it's good to know how to go about moving it.

They normally come apart. My cousin wrestled my mum's into two pieces and got the council to take it away (it wasn't fit to re-home).

My (now late) mother had a riser-recliner chair. Shortly after purchase it stopped rising or reclining. The chair is so heavy we still can't move it. My mother has been gone ten years.

My mum had dementia and went downhill very quickly after her diagnosis, though her general health had been very poor for years. It's very hard to balance not shutting off what they enjoy and stopping them from pissing it all away, although my mum had such a rich fantasy life that she didn't actually ask for much in the real world ("Hello, Carter, I've just ordered you a Bugatti!" "Ooh, thanks, Mum!"). She was in a very good care home for complex dementia sufferers (entirely justified best interests decision by the NHS and LA) which made everything much easier, and she really bonded with the staff.

Take control of the money. You have POA. Your mum trusted you to make those decisions when she lost her ability to make them for herself and she obviously valued good financial decisions. Review everything about her care. Has the agency assessed your mum's care needs or did your dad's carer just stay on? If she needs a comfy chair, and she might, get a private OT to come and evaluate, and possibly a physio too if she's having trouble moving independently.

And if you're keeping this agency/carer (I don't know that I would but I know these decisions are hard on the ground), take control of the carer. Get the agency involved to underline it. Make sure the carer understands that you hold the purse strings. It's totally inappropriate for the carer to have organised a sales pitch for a £5K piece of furniture to a disabled and demented person in her care who doesn't have capacity to manage her money. It's your job to make sure your mum doesn't run out of money. You know that it's better for your mum to be sad she's not getting a chair she doesn't need (if that is the case - ask an OT) than to keep throwing money at unnecessary things and run out of money in five years' time. Where's the super expensive carer going to be then? How's she going to stay in her house? Keep an eye on the long game and weather your mum's resentment, just like she did yours when you were too small to make good decisions.

I sympathise hugely. This is horrible. She's obviously not herself in many ways from what you say and watching the person you loved slowly being replaced by someone irrational and selfish is very hard. But there will come a time when you will be able to remember your mum as she was before this illness got her.

Carers are DBS checked . I actually find this thread really offensive towards the majority of carers who are decent lovely people trying to earn a living. Many of them have not had the opportunities in life to progress ,but it doesn’t mean they are wilfully taking advantage of the vulnerable .
I feel defensive because I am a registered nurse and work with carers who absolutely love and care for their clients,work stupidly long hours , rubbish pensions,attend their funerals and really are the best people that anyone could ever meet.
I consider myself very fortunate that I don’t work 12 hour shifts 5 days a week to pay my bills and survive. Am sure many others would feel the same.

She's paying £2,000 per week for the carer! That's ridiculous. My mum had one of those chairs from a charity shop my friend worked at - it was £50 and in very good condition. I saw it in Ableworld and it's £1,000. I think she's been taken advantage of.

Are you able to track what the carer uses her card for?

Change the carer/agency.She is being very unprofessional and should not have a card.If you need to let them have petty cash,leave it in notes and check receipts.

Instead of spending money on sweets, clothes she doesn't need and a chair she could find a private ot or physio to assess her if she doesn't want to use the NHS. In any other setting a carer encouraging spending a lot of money and eating really unhealthy foods leading to that weight gain with someone with dementia could be considered abuse.

You like the carer. So ... can you speak to her about this? Tell her clearly that your DM suddenly taking transient pleasure in shopping is out of character, symptomatic of cognitive decline, and can she help improve quality of life by encouraging an interest in...whatever she used to like to do. Sounds like the carer enjoys shopping and it keeps both her and DM busy and engaged. But maybe DM would do better than havi g her main hobby being shopping expensive pointless crap?

Point put the money is disappearing quickly. Explain there is an annual budget.

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I bought a top of the range r&r chair for dh who was a similar age. It was bespoke, measured to suit him and cost £2500. You don’t need to pay more than that. Try AbleWorld or Middletons.

NHS hospital OT here.......completely agree with @Madeinsuffolk these chairs are my pet hate! Unless you have a condition such as MS/MND where sitting to stand is impossible for you then all they do is weaken the muscles required to carry out multiple activities of daily living such as getting up off the bed or toilet. We then get people attending A & E because they have fallen off trying to get up off the bed or got stuck on the toilet.

I’m a Pilates’s teacher and specialise in working with older adults. These chairs, whilst uber comfy, can contribute to a decline in strength as all the core muscles start to go sleep as they aren’t being activated as much as sitting in other styles of chair. Whilst I appreciate the need for assistance and comfort, where possible the use of other chairs for periods of time keeps core stability switched on. So yes, I don’t think this is a good use of money. Find a cheaper version and tell her it’s good for her spine health!

Is the carer getting a commission? This one is near me, used them for bits and pieces for my mum https://www.clearwellmobility.co.uk/seating/riser-recliners

Hi OP, my dad has dementia. Like fuck do any of his carers have his bank card.
As you have PoA the carer’s spending is up to you not your mum. So you need to read the riot act.

I’m in regular touch with both the care manager and the head of the agency so I report important discussions with carers back to them for transparency. None has ever been so unprofessional as to bitch to me - what an extraordinary carry on and suggestive of poor training and a poorly run agency.

I agree it sounds like the eating and spending are related to dementia. My aunt, who also had dementia, out on weight. But her carer was responsible and monitored her eating. She did have a very expensive recliner though!

Can you put a cap on how much can be bought with the card in any one transaction and over a defined period of time? It might bring thing into control a bit.

As you're paying the carer, why not say to her that she has to stop suggesting expensive and unnecessary stuff for your mother to buy, and smoked salmon is off the menu from now on. Make sure her bosses know that that is the instruction and that you will go for alternative carers if they don't sort this out.

the carer shouldnt be organising for sales people to come over withoutb discussion with you first-thats crafty

your dm as dementia and i feel shes pushing the boundarys there

I just wanted to add that the British Heart Foundation often sells winged back chairs with wooden seem rests in their shops and online, as well as the occasional riser chair... it's their stock in trade due to the nature of their business model.
They even sell online I think.

Your mum's being used. Sorry.

Be the bad guy. You will be anyway.
Re the chair, ours was free from OT/social services, along with other aids. Maybe check?
And absolutely keep financial control in relation to the carer. If it's not waking care you should be able to get away with more like 1-1.5k a week.

The carer must be buying all these scarves for your Mum, surely?.....or can your Mum use the internet alright?

I bet the carer buys stuff for herself and sends it to your Mum's address.....and I bet your Mum doesn't even know.

It sounds like financial abuse and theft may be going on.

We spent nearly 2k on one for my mil who sat in it twice before declaring that she didn't like it. We kept it for a while before giving it away.
It sounds to me like the carer is massively over stepping, not only by inviting sales people into your mother's home, but also with the vast quantities of food that will not be doing your mum any good. I presume the carers food is included in the weekly shop?
It sounds like the carer is living the high life with smoked salmon and high end chocolate

I agree. There's a finite amount of money and it has to last the distance. I'd be worried seeing my mother spending up large on unnecessary items, not because I begrudge her having fun and enjoying herself, but because she has a finite pot of money to see her out. The well being of aging parents can be quite a source of anxiety when you're not sure their funds are going to go the distance. You know where they are going to come knocking for funding next too.

Totally disagree. Sounds like she's trying to be sensible. Her mother has dementia and doesn't know what's appropriate. This isn't really about the chair.