Care home sent her back

She's in the best place now, OP.

I understand how draining the last few years have been for you. I hope you and your family get peace from everything now, and that your mum settles down happily.

She will be safe now and can get the assessments she needs, if they move her to a section 3 she will get aftercare which the staff will arrange, she will be able to have visitors if the staff think it appropriate and you want to visit.

Massive hugs OP. I hope you and your family can come to peace with it.

Have they said you can't visit her where she is? I understand not in the first couple of weeks but you should be able to visit her wherever she is.

WickerShit I went through this 15 months ago. She’s in the right place now, I’m thinking of you.

How are things going, @WickerShit?
Has your mum been admitted?

Ah @WickerShit this is - I promise - the very hardest bit, in my experience. The waiting. The guilt. The pure sadness. If I could (and if you were a huggy kinda lady) I'd give you the biggest hug.

When my dad was sectioned, I led the police officers and social workers in the house to my dad's bed, woke him up and held his hand for a few minutes then left at their suggestion. A couple of hours later, someone came down to say that he was coming out and my mum wanted to be away - so I panicked and tried to drive away quickly. I reversed into the ambulance to the ambulance men's utter disgust and to the policeman's delight. We drove to the end of the road, and saw the ambulance leave shortly after.

We gave my dad several days before I visited. The first few visits were him being very angry but he slowly lost that irateness and became more like the person I remembered.

Looking back, I know that I did the right thing and I know the dad of twenty years ago would be pleased with me. He sometimes tells me that now too. Of course sometimes he tells everyone that his daughter has stolen all his assets, so on balance, the imaginary back dated approval is possibly more reliable.

I won't presume to speak for Hannah with the banner but maybe you'd have an insight into what she'd think about all of this. My dad would say "what a mess" and shake his head in despair and amusement at some of his antics...

Oh no. How frustrating for you all. You get yourself worked up about something and then the NHS fails at such an important juncture.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, OP. It is just awful to have a loved one with dementia. People who haven't been through it do not understand.

You'll start to feel better in a few days, once your mother is in the unit and getting medication and meals - and being washed when she needs it, too.

Also, you will stop flinching every time your phone rings - and you'll be able to live a more normal life, without the need to factor in your mother's needs into everything you do.

I forgot to say I was allowed to visit straight away and I went in the secure ambulance with her. I covertly packed everything as I waited for the ambulance.

OP my DM getting sectioned was the best thing that could have happened in her difficult circumstances. She spent four months in a psychiatric unit receiving the right medication for her and also becomes institutionalised and accepting of the help where as she never did accept it at home.
Four months later I found a home that would take her. They managed her for 10 months and then she moved to a nursing home that is a better fit for her.

When we were looking for DF we could choose any that accepted the local authority daily rate payment. That cut out the posh hotel type ones but still left a good amount of choice locally.

I haven't RTFT but my mum was sectioned due to hitting the Dementia nurse who visited her at home. We were all terrified, imagining her being in some sort of Victorian asylum building and we couldn't have been further from the truth.
The HCA and nurses were so lovely, they took real pride in the care they gave and the centre was relatively modern and had a beautiful secure garden, lots of windows where she could sit and see outside etc.

it was the best thing for her (and my dad) at that point

@WickerShit this isn't a terrible thing that has happened, I promise.
When someone is in an elderly locked ward the staffing ratios are generally very good. The medics will try her on meds under close supervision, and will review every few days. It is in the interest of the ward to get her discharged as there are another 20 people needing her bed. So she will be optimised for discharge, and a suitable placement found. She will no doubt be discharged as FNC, so there'll be less fees to pay, and there'll be a specialist discharge nurse to manage the process.
Being sectioned and admitted averted a crisis, is isn't a crisis.
Honestly I know.you can't see the wood for the trees right now, but this is probably the best outcome xx

Ah ok. There aren't that many EMI beds so can be a wait :)

Read the update

p.s. staff can also use positive life events/ likes/hobbies as a way in to engage with someone. She sounds like she was a very strong, loving woman.

OP@WickerShit so eloquently written....could i suggest you write a potted history of your mum ( including her personality, beliefs and any of those difficult events she went through?) is it great for staff to be aware of the 3D person she has been throughout her life ,particularly as in older people (with and without dementia) those difficult life events can come back and might be causing distress. Particularly if those distressing events involved men as she may have male care staff. Sending big hugs, my mum was in a psychiatric hospital for a while and i "lost" her too.

It’s awful I know but forget happy and think safe and secure and clean.

Argh I'm so sorry to posy without reading. I really hope the outcome is as helpful as it has been for my mum. 🌹

Sorry I've only read first page.

My mum attacked a nurse in her 'dementia specialist' home. As a result the nursing home gave notice (but didn't put her out on the street!) She was assessed by the Older Adults Mental Health Team, started medication and a social worker identified a place for her in a really specialist unit. Because they understand whats going on with her and have more staff, she has never been aggressive again in the same way, although they have had to work very carefully with her at times.

Start screaming for help. GP, duty social worker. Oh and a big complaint to the CQC about that shitty home. All this stuff gets things moving.