Apologies if this is in the wrong place! I'm in my late 30s, have a brother who is five years older and have parents in their mid-70s. In the last few years, my parents have discovered family who emigrated to the Netherlands from the UK and so have been over to visit them a few times. The relationship is quite distant, it's like my mum's second cousin.
My parents are starting to struggle more with mobility - they can still get around but more slowly than usual, and dad is in the early stages of dementia. As a result, they think their visit to the Netherlands this year to see the family may be the last time they take the trip. As a result, they are keen for me and my brother and our families to take the trip with them (my brother went last year, but I have yet to meet this other family).
While my brother is planning to go, the issue is that I am already short on annual leave days to do the things I want/need to do this year. My wife and I both have milestone birthdays so are taking each other away for trips. With that, a summer holiday and childcare for our two kids (aged 10 and 8) during the school holidays throughout the year, I'm already really low on days without factoring in anything unforeseen that might come up during the year - I only have a couple left.
My brother is likely just going to go without his family, as it likely to be too hard to get half term holidays to line up his his and my kids. When I look at just going on the trip just for the weekend with my wife and kids, the cost comes out at around £350-£400 for flights, hotel, airport parking etc (before any other spending) for less than 36 hours in the actual place. If just I go, the cost is still around £250-275, which I know isn't a huge amount but is still quite a bit to spend on a weekend that my wife and kids don't benefit from.
I've explained this to my parents, and said I'd prefer to spend the money on other things - taking them out for a really nice meal for their anniversary for example. But my parents, mum in particular, see this as me prioritising my own things (and those with my wife and kids) over what they hold as important. They did say they could maybe pay some towards the cost but as they are both pensioners, I would also feel guilty about that too!
Above and beyond the lack of time (and to a certain degree, the money) I don't actually feel much of a connection to these distant relatives. My parents tells me how they keen they are to meet me and if they came over to the UK I would definitely meet up with them, but they haven't yet and it doesn't seem to be on the cards either.
It's created a bit of tension with my parents and wanted to get an outside view. They see it is a 'last chance' trip and feel I'm being selfish not going. I see it that we can spend family time in many other ways and that this particular trip to see distant relatives doesn't have to be the be all and end all.
What would you do?