I didn't realise how difficult this would be

I have two friends doing this. Both on antidepressants and one throwing the towel in after 12 years. Her DM is 89 and rattles on and on.
I hope I never do that to my children. A decent parent wouldn't even go there.

I feel for you. My mother lives with us and I’m on the brink of having the Conversation. I’ve already done this twice for my father who died with Parkinson’s and for my sister and it’s very hard and damaging if you don’t have a happy and loving childhood to draw the strength from. I’m resenting that I’m in the last third of my life and too much has been given to others. Hard as that might sound it’s my life and I don’t want to sacrifice much more of it attending to someone else who could be just as well looked after in a care setting and actually with a better social life to boot!

sorry that was long, TLDR I sympathise

You may be able to manage her at home now but don't say you could never put her in a home because if you get to the point you really have to you will feel worse. My Mum and Dad looked after my Gran for 8 years in their home but after Dad died Mum could no longer lift her on her own to get her up and that also coincided with Gran's dementia getting worse. So Mum had to let her Mother go into a home. She visited her for 3 hours every single day though, even after Gran no longer knew who she was.

Nobody does until they are in the thick of it and you are doing far more than most of us if you have her living with you. Society presents it as a lovely homely, multigenerational household with doddery cheerful granny in a bath chair being sweet and kind which is very often far from the truth.

come and join us in the cockroach cafe where we all understand xx

It must be really tough. I live in NZ and my Mum was in UK and the travelling back and forwards was enough. I worried all the time about her being ill or falling.

We were both lucky in that she was able to stay in her own home until last year when she fell, spent four weeks in hospital and was discharged to a care home. She had only been in the home for 3 weeks when she died at almost 93 years old.

I feel for you, it is a huge thing you are doing.

Sending solidarity as an ex parent carer( but not in my house). Please call in at the cockroach cafe thread on this board- loads of support and solidarity.
And v timely reading of others contemplating moving v active elderlies in with them….

That does sound hard. I had a difficult childhood and couldn't have done it. I also don't thing outsider realise that little old lady's can still abuse adult kids.

Couldn’t agree with you more.

You say you couldn’t put her in a home - why not? I appreciate you may have good reasons but many homes are fantastic and many people thrive in them and really enjoy their last few years.

If you are sacrificing your own wellbeing to look after her, is this what a loving parent would want for her child?