Overwhelmed & Exhausted By Power of Attorney Responsibilities

I think I’ve got online access to Halifax without being a customer.

Barclays are good. Dad refused to use direct debits because he liked to be in control of payments, and the staff at the local Barclays would make his payments to British Gas for him. (He was a great example of “living independently “ - fortunately a lot of his “independence” was outsourced to the rest of the town - he once had community support police officer carry his shopping home for him)

As above - it can take a few months to get the LPA set up - very important to do it while the person has capacity - while I waited for it to come through, I contacted utilities etc and everyone was willing to put bills on hold (some even wrote them off) but that may have been because they were in a secure hospital

Not in the slightest! The POA shouldn't be paying for anything up front with their own money. They get the POA access set up on the person's bank accounts, utilities etc and that's what pays for things.

Hi sorry to hijack but I may also be in a POA situation soon - it sounds from this thread that POAs are expected to pay for everything themselves upfront and then claim back (possibly with some time delay) from the family member's funds...is that correct? Also what happens in that strange limbo period between where you're trying to find where all their funds are - are you just expected to unquestioningly pay for everything if they require a lot of care?

I have on line access to 2 accounts, one with POA and one with 3rd party authorisation. I do not have accounts at either of them. FYI they are Barclays and HSBC.
3rd party authorisation is slightly more restrictive but in my case it was done before I needed full POA and now I am very reticent to fiddle around and change it.

LPA now has an online code system that banks etc can utilise.

Third party access accounts don't help when you’re trying to change electricity supplier or make a complaint to the house insurer. Nor do they help if you want to move savings around. Or cancel the now redundant private insurance they’ve been paying into, or inform DWP, as you’re legally required to, that they’ve moved into a care home.

Well, it’s on a par with jury service, isn’t it? Expenses only, no compensation for the great chunk of your time that you’ve lost.

Goodness me, not at all. Jury service has a beginning and an end and no emotional stuff that a family brings.

I'm sorry to hear of your hardship in this OP. Sometimes you just have to take your hands off it all if it is negatively affecting your personal life and job/income.

They didn't treat you the way you should have been loved as a child.
What comes around, goes around. Take care of yourself.

I had PoA for my parents, banked with different banks to them but was allowed online access to their accounts. Has your parents' bank given a reason you can't have online access?

I have always thought that power of attorney was oversold to the general public and many people have applied for these without fully realising what level of responsibility they were taking on. The whole process of registering is still both cumbersome and time consuming and many branch staff still do not understand this at branch level. It all needs modernisation and digitisation, none of these processes are digitised. If family members do not get on for whatever reason such documentation is frankly disasterous.

I would look at third party access re bank accounts as this is far easier to set up.

The only trouble I had was with Yorkshire Building Society who insisted that because the PoA was able to be used before capacity was lost, I either had to write a letter to explain he’d lost capacity or I had to get his signature for every transaction. I managed to produce a letter which satisfied them without too much offending my regard for truth. But that was over 10 years ago. Banks etc are much more familiar with LPAs now.

That sounds a total mess. It might be worth a complaint too as pp said. It can be very stressy can’t it OP?

I’m not sure that cock-ups are that uncommon. When I dealt with the bank, they seemed v unclear about the process and it took me ages to get clear. Also the solicitor sent the original power of attorney to the wrong address delaying matters by another month. I went a bit mental about it all at the time. Acting financially for another person seems to be v time consuming especially if you dont see them regularly.

TIP: I always immediately ask to be put through to the “power of attorney” department now when dealing with any institution.

Childfree people like my late aunt and her husband ask people like me to be POA. My sister blithely agreed we'd be their POA - she lives abroad and at the time I really had no idea what was involved. Now my aunt has passed away and I am trying to support my uncle.

He is a lovely man and very appreciative of my help but he is now terminally ill and I am dreading the next few months. I work fulltime and was hoping to retire soon to enjoy more freetime with my dh - but looks like I will be dealing with uncle's affairs.

OP you don't HAVE to do it because you're an only child. What do you think happens to childfree people?
Parents made a choice to have you. Raising you isn't a gift it's the bare minimum. You're not obligated to do anything.

You’ve been really unlucky. I’ve registered financial PoA at 6 banks and building societies, two government departments, a LA, 2 electricity/gas suppliers, a pension provider, 2 insurance companies, and a care home. The longest I’ve had to spend on it was an hour. I’d be pushing for compensation.

You can complain to the bank that messed something up and get compensation for that, plus your time and travel costs spent dealing with it. But that's then extra hassle and you have to prove freelance loss of income etc so yet more admin!

The worst bit is getting everything registered, it runs relatively smoothly after that. It's also more straightforward if the person is in care as there's no property to pay for and maintain.

I hold POA for my brother and it is very time consuming - I’ve had 18 months of constant hassle - his house is 1.5 hours away and is derelict - I employed a builder to renovate it so I could rent it out but he didn’t finish the job and owes £20000 - he’s now declared bankruptcy so not expecting to get that back. It had all been so stressful - if I go to check the house I do charge him petrol money but that’s about it. Thankfully the house is now sold. I probably spend at least 2 hours a week on his stuff even though everything is sorted with banks/utilities etc. i do think it’s wrong that we can’t charge for admin work - we were not close before all of this - there is no way he’d do it for me.

Yes indeed. It was the principle I was talking about, the labour of the “little people” is there for the taking. The idea we have better things to do with our life is incomprehensible.

Jury service ...but for the rest if your life.

POA is promoted as a good thing to have If you have accepted doing the life admin for your elderly parent, PoA unquestionably makes your life easier. It’s the burden of life admin that is the negative.

There was never a question for me that I would help my father with his life admin. When I was able to say, with his permission, “I’ll deal with all this for you”, it was immeasurably easier than the hours of fruitless discussion around every tiny decision.

Anecdotally, I understand not all establishments will yet accept the digital code.

but yes, it will make the registration massively easier. Thereafter, you deal with each organisation just as if you yourself were the donor, so much less hassle. You’re still doing someone else’s life admin though.

I've found the responsibility of the care decisions to be the worst. I do it for a relative, not a parent, and I'd never do it again for anyone. I hate being the one who gets to decide if a DNR is OK or if they should be allowed to live in their own home.

No never again.

Well, it’s on a par with jury service, isn’t it? Expenses only, no compensation for the great chunk of your time that you’ve lost.