Clearing a parents house

I've had to do this for 3 different relatives. I'm sentimental and wanted to keep a lot - but have a small house. By the second house I just invited beneficiaries to come round and take home what they wanted then got a house clearance company in. I did find homes at the local bowls, fishing club and Guides for most of their hobby items (anyone want 90 knitting needles 🤣) so I know they were appreciated.

Did this recently for my Mam, although she's no longer with us so may be under slightly different circumstances.

First thing I did was I had someone to help. It's difficult doing it on your own and I found my sister and partner to be less sentimental than me. Sometimes I'd put something to one side and they'd ask why I wanted to keep it and it was like a sense check.

Another thing I found was that I would pass through a room more than once. First time it would be obvious what would stay and go, anything staying would be sorted and bagged or boxed. I was finding stuff my Mam had kept for 30+ years and seeing it was a bit of a shock to the system. Some stuff, once I went back through again, I didn't feel so strongly about keeping. It would have been very difficult to do one room completely then move on.

My dining room was full of boxes and my spare room full of bags of clothing once we had given up her flat and I sorted through it all again. Once more, with more time and seeing things again I was able to part with more things.

Books, CDs etc I went through with my siblings and we kept what we wanted, the rest went to the charity shop. She was into jewellery making and amassed quite a large collection of beads and little charms that she hadn't really kept organised. A family member was happy to take that and put it to use.

I think it helps giving things up to good use if you can find a charity you want to help. We took some rugs and Christmas decorations to a women's refuge charity and I felt better that they were going to a use my Mam would approve of.

Personal items, by going through them again I whittled down to two storage boxes to keep. Over time I think I'd be able to reduce further, the world wouldn't be a different place without things in a box I never look at, but I'm not ready to part with it yet.

Good luck OP, it is wearing but just chip away at it.

I think it's much harder while they are still around. I didn't have to sell my parent's place until after they had both died.
I hired a skip - some things obviously belong in there. I advertised a lot of stuff on free cycle & marketplace. There won't do many scammers around them but will still had to deal with a load of annoying people! Many didn't turn up etc. however, not a single bed or piece of furniture went in the skip.
I upcycled a few bits of furniture. Books - a few a got small amounts from We Buy
Books & most of the rest went to an Oxfam bookshop (my dad had a lot of books!).
Clothes - charity shops
I kept some bits & bobs (perhaps 4 big plastic tubs) & need to go through them again. It's easier as time passes.
Photos - I really didn't need photos of places they had been on holiday so I threw most of them out. I kept some photos of them from each part of their lives.
I will take photos of things that I get rid of.

The best thing my DM ever did was constantly declutter and throw stuff away. She was killed in a car accident at 69 and this made emptying her house so much easier. She'd practically done the job for us. We each kept any sentimental items, the rest went to family members or the charity shop and I sold a bit on eBay.
PIL house will take us forever when they've gone. I think it really will be down to a brave face and a big skip. Things they've hoarded that they assume we would want we don't.
I hope I can avoid this as much as possible for my DC and we regularly have clear outs already.
Be careful of putting things into storage. The longer you keep stuff the harder it is to throw away.

Try to start off with things that are not naturally sentimental - kitchen equipment, bath towels and bedsheets, appliances, etc.

When you find yourself drawn into keeping everything, a simple trick is to pick up an item and really look at it, hold it in your hands, ask yourself "why is this sentimental?" A book - is it simply that your dad held it in his hands? Did he enjoy reading it? Will you? A CD - will you enjoy listening to this? If it was lost for good how will you feel? Try to think about what is really sentimental to you versus trying to cling on to something simply because it is your dad's.

It's a really difficult task, clearing out a parent's home. It feels like you are throwing them away. But you're not, a lot of the items to sort through is just "stuff", it's not them the person, it's not their personality or their soul, it's just stuff.

We went through every room of MIL's house methodically, identifying items that people wanted to keep and items that had useful life and could go to charity. We then paid a house clearance company £500 to clear everything else, including the garage and the shed.

I did pretty much the same with my DM's HA flat. Items to keep, items of use to the new tenant, who had nothing of his own, the rest was cleared.

It's hard, but it has to be done.

Try Freecycle. Things that you can’t use, but which may be appreciated by others, may be taken off your hands without having to throw them away. I use it a lot.

When my Dad died, we hired a storage unit for three months, and moved all his junk into that. When my siblings and I all had a free day at the same time, we’d go to the storage unit and sort into three piles: things one of us wanted, stuff that really did need to go to the tip, and stuff to give away. It was an oddly bonding experience for us, as well.

What's so wierd about doing things like that is that we pay out for contents insurance each year, yet when it comes to clearing a house, for most average households, the contents are not actually worth that much as they are. So when the house clearing people come it feels like in a strange way like legal burglary! You have to remind yourself that they're actually providing a service.

I left things on the pavement near the house and also stuff on the garden gate. It got taken. You can leave a notice to say 'free things to take'

I have nothing but sympathy, clearing my parents house was so hard. Mine had been in the house since they married and had a lot of stuff.
I decided on a scheme of things I really wanted to keep (these came to my house), things that had a realistic worth and I could cope with the effort of selling ( photographed, documented, boxed and taken to storage unit), things I needed to sort through to decide on (boxed, to storage unit, sorted there to rubbish or actual keep but had to earn a place in my house), and rubbish.
I had to be realistic that my dads beloved dresser had zero value, and no one wanted to come and get his horse brass collection, so they were left for the house clearance people who sell what they can.
Having things in the storage unit took some of the personal part out, and I was fairly ruthless on selling things in that I didn't hold onto it for ages

I found clearing my parents’ house so hard. I just ineffectually swirled stuff around and cried.

My lovely husband took the obvious stuff to the tip and British Heart Foundation took all the big furniture away and sold it. My husband boxed up stuff he wasn’t sure about in big plastic tubs and it’s still in my spare room 12 months later.

Its a horrible job 🙁

I had to clear my parents house after they died and I found giving things away a good place to start . It made me feel better that as much as possible large items moved on to a new home . All the beds and mattresses and sofas went to new homes .

Keep all the photos and photograph anything too big to keep if you want to remember something . Pick just a couple of your favourite ornaments .

You will find necessity will motivate you in the end even if it’s hard now .

I personally found I didn’t want a Company to do it for me but did by necessity finish up using skips

1. Harden your heart

2. Get a skip.

Employ a house clearance company - I'm serious. I had neither the time nor the inclination to do it. They sorted everything out, piles for the tip, for charity, sentimental items and for the local auction house. It was worth it. They did it in a day.

Get a skip for stuff no one will want. Get help. Start with easy things like advertise or donate large furniture eg fridge freezer, sofa etc. Do you have a local Neighbour site or FB marketplace? If not try local charity shops. Some will collect. Photograph his collections and put in a frame as he might ask about it later.

When my great aunt died, we sorted through the valuable and sentimental items, but the very sad and hard fact is, most people's houses are filled with items which ultimately get thrown away or put in a charity shop. Our own belongings are just that, ours, and most of it is junk to others. Once we had sorted the main items we got a house clearance to come. It want very much and they sell/ charity shop/ throw away everything according to the value .

We hired a clearance company to do it, for exactly the reasons you give.

I work in self storage
We have a lot of people who take storage with us, get a house clearance in to remove furniture etc, then move the rest to storage to go through and decide what to keep, donate etc

A lot of the good self storage companies do opening offers, which often spurs people into sorting through it all while the price of storage is lower

Went through this and it's so hard to make a start. It feels wrong and upsetting to be throwing their personal things away but we started with the kitchen, 3 boxes for keep, donate or throw and had help from siblings.

I’ve had to do it within the last year.

Get a quote from a house clearance company and find one you are happy with. Understand what they will and won’t take (eg food/ tins of old paint/cleaning fluids might be a no).

Go through the house room by room and collate paperwork for shredding.

Spend time looking at the old sentimental stuff, enjoy you memories. Take a few boxes to take home the stuff you want to keep or the high value items to sell. It helps if you have someone with you who can help.

Clear out anything to the dump anything the house clearance people won’t take.

Leave the rest.

It’s hard and emotional but if you hadn’t already worked it out from my post, paying for house clearance is totally worth kt.

Get started with the easy stuff and just get it out of the house

Sort the emotional stuff into piles (maybe in different rooms) so that it is all together

Take photos of it

Thank it for giving you and your DDad wonderful memories (weird I know, but it works for me)

Pack the collections carefully into boxes and then donate them to somewhere or someone that will appreciate them. You can find people who collect anything on facebook/insta etc

Try and do one thing a week so you dont have to rush too much, but you keep up the momentum.

Take over paying the rent yourself to give yourself the push to get it done.

I'd suggest a yard sale but not in this weather!

Do look out for charity superstores for the easy categories, if the stuff is in decent condition. But if it's not... I currently have a skip outside and it's the business.

Ask friends to help you when you get to really tricky bits, so that you have emotional support.

It is so difficult when you are trying to deal with personal items.
From experience, time does help, and you can start to look at things dispassionately, so if you can store things it makes it easier.
Could you take photos of the hobby things and just keep a few? Does your dad have any favourites, or is he happy to put them all in the bin? I have various ‘making’ hobbies, and for me it is about enjoyment of the process rather than the finished item so I’ve actually put various bits in the bin myself and told my kids they should bin them all when I die. Or, could you sell them on Etsy or facebook or something?

I did sell some key books via Marketplace and by ebay. Very little sold on amazon.

I'm so sorry. I had to clear my mum's flat when she went into a home and it was really difficult even though she'd done the big move herself 3 years ago.

I would go by categories, and I would recruit help. So it sounds as if you are identifying categories that are easy (household linens) and much harder ones (collections). Tackle a category that feels easy first, linens seem a good one. Maybe furniture and kitchen stuff might also be easy. Try booking a house clearance person to take specific loads, you don't have to ask them to clear the whole house at once, though it's more expensive that way.

Then can you recruit other people with similar hobbies for the collections? Try asking on a local WhatsApp or Facebook page for someone who knows someone who also likes this collection. Ask them for help selling them. If the financial side isn't crucial, you could offer them first pick of the items plus eg 50% of the proceeds, something like that?

Books are increasingly difficult but would anyone be able to help you sort? I catalogued my mum's books and ended up keeping quite a lot and passing some to my sister and brother, but also got a big load to a jumble sale, and did bin another lot.

Best wishes. This job is hard for everyone.