DP angling for an extension for FIL to live in

103 replies

mids2019 · 26/12/2023 09:58

Just had Chrismtas with FIL (74) staying. My DP admittedly after a couple of drinks keeps hinting at either a garage or loft conversion to accommodate FIL if he deterioraites in future. I have managed to dismiss such suggestions as fancifuln so far but in the last year FIL has neglected housework significantly and I think there are more and more instances of senior moments.

I really do not want to go down this theoretical route and want to somehow gently but finely express my feelings but feel this may be point of conflict with my DP.

Anyone else had similar issues and how did it go?

OP posts:

AnnaMagnani · 26/12/2023 10:02

Just no.

From the sounds of it, FIL is no longer managing independently. By the time you have built this fictional annexe what will his health be like then?

I'd ask your DH - who will be cleaning the annexe? Who will be making FIL's meals? Doing his washing? Giving him a wash? Picking him up off the floor? - I would bet good money your DH has not considered this and it will be you.

A more practical route would be ensuring LPAs are done for Finance and Health, and taking FIL to see his GP raising your concerns about memory and self care.

ACynicalDad · 26/12/2023 10:01

How far away does he live currently, is there a middle ground of somewhere very close but not part of your home? Also will DH look after him or will it become your job?

DidiAskYouThough · 26/12/2023 10:01

Whose house is it? Who would your boyfriend expect to do the huge amount of work involved of caring for his father?

If the answer to either of those questions is you, obviously just laugh and decline the offer. It's for your fella to figure out.

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