So bloody exhausted waiting for someone to die 2

They are totally trying to manipulate you. Is there somewhere you can go and stay, and leave the house totally locked and secure? Or tell his sister it sounds like she has a 'house guest' for the foreseeable?

And maybe turn your phone off? I know it's easier said than done.

So yeah I got what I wanted, but him and his sister hate me. I can't win.

So fucking what! Let them hate you all they like. Stand your ground. If his sister is so concerned, she can take over looking after him.

What on earth does his sister think she's doing?!

I get back from drop off, make myself a cup of tea, get under the blanket & check my phone.

Big mistake.

DF is currently visiting family a few hours away, his sister drove him. we delayed respite so he could do this. The plan was she would take him there on the way back.

He tells me they won't be back in time to check him in at the care home before the deadline, this means the place will be lost and funding will be cancelled. He then tells me he might have to come home & I will have to take him in the morning. I told him there won't be a place in the morning & that I am under no circumstances having him back home tonight. I said I am having my break.

He told me to fuck off.

So instead of spending the day resting, I have been panicking all morning on the phone, trying to ensure his place will be secure, & urging his sister to drop him off earlier. I am now public enemy number one.
How fucking dare I stand my ground.
Deep down I knew it wouldn't be that easy.
So yeah I got what I wanted, but him and his sister hate me. I can't win.

@JellyWellyBoots , seconding the other posters here. Keep your expectations of yourself very low and kind. Today is not the day to start cleaning, for example.
@Metoo15 I really hope that the merry-go-round can stop for you now. The anxiety of 'what next' is almost worse than the actual 'what next'

TheShellBeach. Hi. No haven’t heard anything yet. I asked her how long it would be, she said she had no idea, hope it’s not long and she can stay where she is. The thought of having to start all over again looking for an extra care place fills me with dread !

I think you're about my age and I couldn't imagine looking after an aged parent for the long period of time, the way you have.

Is there an update from the SW yet about your mum?

So happy for you jellyboots. Please rest and do something you love. I’m a lot older than you, but my mum has been in a care home now for five weeks and I still feel and look terrible! But it took years of caring to feel so bad, so I suppose it’s going to take some time to feel better.
I hadn’t thought about that aspect to it, I didn’t have time to think anyway. Please don’t be me and carry on for years, putting everything first, no good for you or anyone else for that matter. Good luck

But I think I might go back to bed today in your shoes and try to sleep This. Don’t be surprised if you actually feel worse to begin with. The brain is good at knowing when it has to keep going at all costs, and when it can rest and let all the feelings out

@StiffyByngsDogBartholomew How thoughtful of you!
He left yesterday, I admit i am feeling a little guilty but deep down I know I need this.
I feel really heavy & tired today. It's the first day in months I will have completely alone. DD is in school, DF isn't here & I have the day off work.
I've never felt exhaustion like this before. It's all consuming.

I’m not sure I quite agree with this. My view is that lots of people as they get older revert back through their childhood.
So they start being like a reckless teen; driving when they shouldn’t, taking too much medicine (drugs) etc.

Then they become like a primary age child not able to cook or clean for themselves or deal with paperwork.
When they get even older it’s the baby stage so nappies, dribbling and having to be fed.
Im signing up for Dignitas soon!

NC fail?

I'd also be glad to be interviewed.

One problem, I think interviews would have to 100% anonymous. If people spoke these thoughts out loud they would be hounded out of town. One thing repeatedly shown and voiced in public and in politics, is that the ONLY person that matters in all of this is the elderly person needing care.

Mine do seem to have a sense of entitlement - in previous generations it appears the elderly were just looked after, that was the expectation. With the proviso that they didn't live as long with so many complex needs then. People lived closer together. More women working now, having kids later etc etc.

So mine just assume the same will happen. Also that their word trumps everyone else's because of showing respect and elderly person knows best. The men were a bit worse because more helpless to start with - I don't have any elderly men left to care for now - but they all think they're entitled to their younger relatives running around after them.

Whereas to me it's very much based on practicality (everything else in my life which I have to juggle and distance) and other things. I'm not going to run round now after someone who completely failed to support me during a difficult pregnancy, birth and first year, for example, and who has actively avoided being an involved grandparent (I'm not talking about childcare as I never expected that but just being interested when it wasn't a performance for her friends).

@Tara336 maybe it was simply because he was male? Nothing to do with his age.

It's depressingly true that a great many men believe that women should run around after them.