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Elderly parents

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Original poster

So bloody exhausted waiting for someone to die 2

983 replies

StiffyByngsDogBartholomew · 21/12/2023 11:26

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/elderly_parents/4866628-so-bloody-exhausted-waiting-for-someone-to-die?page=1
Carrying on from our original discussion

So bloody exhausted waiting for someone to die... | Mumsnet

Nobody tells you how utterly draining, exhausting, depressing it is waiting for someone to die when the death has been 'expected' for years. Got told...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/elderly_parents/4866628-so-bloody-exhausted-waiting-for-someone-to-die?page=1

OP posts:

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BanterBaby · 27/02/2024 17:12

MissMarplesNiece · 27/02/2024 08:22

@WhatEverNextNow999 Your news is very sad. My mum also looked very peaceful after her last few days of struggle, more rested than she had for years: "Life's troubled bubble broke", as the poet said. Very sorry for your loss.

May I ask what poem is that please Ms Marple?

Tara336 · 27/02/2024 15:16

@WhatEverNextNow999 I'm so sorry for your loss x

TheShellBeach · 27/02/2024 14:01

Sorry to hear your sad news @WhatEverNextNow999

Hoplolly · 27/02/2024 13:37

WhatEverNextNow999 · 27/02/2024 05:22

My mum passed away earlier this morning in hospital. She looked very peaceful and the staff were lovely. I'm just relieved she doesn't have to struggle any more.

Sorry, to hear your news.

Valleyofthedollymix · 27/02/2024 10:30

Condolences to both @WhatEverNextNow999 and @MissMarplesNiece - this thread is a like a grim version of those threads you see where someone's labour has started.

MereDintofPandiculation · 27/02/2024 09:26

Sorry about your news, @WhatEverNextNow999 Take care of yourself

MissMarplesNiece · 27/02/2024 08:22

funnelfan · 27/02/2024 08:21

@WhatEverNextNow999

Metoo15 · 27/02/2024 06:00

WhatEverNextNow999 So sorry to hear about your mum. I can do understand your relief thats it’s over for her. I’ve not been reading for a while, sorry if I’ve missed something. Just wanted to send lots of love to everyone struggling.
My mum fell in her care home last week and has deteriorated massively, what with that another family member in hospital and still clearing her flat out I feel a walking zombie! Much love.

WhatEverNextNow999 · 27/02/2024 05:22

My mum passed away earlier this morning in hospital. She looked very peaceful and the staff were lovely. I'm just relieved she doesn't have to struggle any more.

TheShellBeach · 26/02/2024 23:28

@MissMarplesNiece I'm so sorry about your mum's death.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 26/02/2024 22:30

Many years ago now, my schoolfriend's granny lived out her final years in their family home. Friend's mum did everything, the mum's brother hardly passed the time of day there, nor did his wife. The granny finally died and left her property and estate to the son. I was in my late teens but still remember my rage. Worse, my friend's lovely mum died a few years later in her early 50s of breast cancer.

Hoplolly · 26/02/2024 21:36

@WhatEverNextNow999 We asked today. They now think she had a sickness bug last week but also said they can't say how much longer she has, though she is losing a lot of weight and very frail.

The nurse said we should have as much quality time as possible before she deteriorates further. Which, I mean, is a given really anyway with dementia.

Hoplolly · 26/02/2024 21:34

Sorry for your loss @MissMarplesNiece

WhatEverNextNow999 · 26/02/2024 21:06

@MissMarplesNiece sorry for you loss 💐Please be gentle to yourself and lean on those around you

AgitatedGoose · 26/02/2024 20:00

@MissMarplesNiece So sorry about the loss of your Mum. Look after yourself in the weeks/months ahead.

funnelfan · 26/02/2024 16:59

For you and your sister @MissMarplesNiece.

Tara336 · 26/02/2024 15:57

@MissMarplesNiece I'm sorry for your loss x

MereDintofPandiculation · 26/02/2024 15:43

@MissMarplesNiece It’s a relief, but you’ve still lost your mum.

MissMarplesNiece · 26/02/2024 15:39

My mum died yesterday morning. It was a big relief. She had been non-responsive on a palliative care pathway since Wednesday, to see her body fighting was distressing. My DM was a stubborn mule in life and fought death off the best she could. Even though I knew what was coming, and thought I was prepared, I still feel bereft.

My heart goes out to all on here watching their loved ones going through this.

WhatEverNextNow999 · 26/02/2024 15:00

Hoplolly · 26/02/2024 13:29

I feel your pain @WhatEverNextNow999 I just don't know what to expect now. Thursday we rushed to see her because they thought she wouldn't last the night. I want to step off this rollercoaster.

I asked how long it takes, and the doctor says it's usually relative to how fast the deterioration to this point was. It's no answer at all

Tara336 · 26/02/2024 14:13

@WhatEverNextNow999 I'm so sorry your going through this too, it's so hard and there does seem to be any acknowledgement of the emotional toll it takes on families. My DF has rallied again after being told he was near the end, in fact he is more with it then he's been in a very long time, unfortunately, he's using this new energy to be abusive again so I haven't visited for a couple weeks..other family members have and hes been just as awful to them as he was me. It's so draining visiting and knowing your going to be accused of all sorts, I spend more time chatting with the other residents as some are just so lovely

Hoplolly · 26/02/2024 13:29

I feel your pain @WhatEverNextNow999 I just don't know what to expect now. Thursday we rushed to see her because they thought she wouldn't last the night. I want to step off this rollercoaster.

WhatEverNextNow999 · 26/02/2024 13:00

Can’t stop crying today. Mum can barely speak, so it was several minutes for her to tell me that when she gets out of hospital, she will give me a big hug. I gave her a hug instead. Breaks my heart. It’s a week since they thought she would die and she’s still hanging on. I’m not sure I can keep visiting her

The nurse said at this stage it’s harder for me than her. I’m not sure I believe that. Think I going to ask my gp for something. I’ve started having heart palpitations while sleeping and my hands shake when I’m seeing to her house.

Hoplolly · 24/02/2024 17:00

@WhatEverNextNow999 Yes she's not as lively as she was yesterday but still better than she was Thursday. I'm so afraid this is going to drag out long term and we'll be stuck in a cycle of saying goodbye.

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