How did or how does your elderly parent get on in their care home?

My mother was 92 when she went into a nursing home, there wasn’t any other choice because she needed 24 hour care (very frail, multiple falls, stubborn and struggled to walk). My father went to the same place three months later, terminally ill, aged 97. He’d refused carers, was unable to do anything for my mother. The situation was verging on being a safeguarding concern.
There was no option, my mother should have been there at least 12 months earlier but flatly refused to even discuss carers or any other options.
They were both very well looked after, mum still insisted she could cope at home to the end 🙄. She couldn’t get out of a chair, walk, wash or dress herself etc so completely unrealistic but extremely stubborn.

My mum had a very short time in care (it was the beginning of COVID and unfortunatly she caught it and died), but on that occasion and on respite stays before, she enjoyed it way more than I'd thought she would. Stuff going on around her, and a predicatable routine plus lots of visual clues made it work for her form of dementia.
A colleague has both parents in care long term (plus another very close family member) and in spite of challenging behaviour it has worked very well, and she's very happy with the care they all get there, and how it allows them to have a relationship still but the more able of the three still gets stimulation and other options to do things

When I was there visiting, she hated it.
when others visited, she was like Hyacinth Bucket, asking for afternoon tea for her friends and showing them round as if it was Buckingham Palace.

As her dementia got worse, with my permission, the staff would video her for me on occasion. This always showed her joining In The activies, offering to paint other residents (and staff) nails, and generally really happy and settled.

This was heartbreaking for me as she’d beg me to let her go home.with me (she thought I was her mum)

The staff were amazing. It was a 15 bed care home and more like a family setting. She would have been lost in a bigger home I believe.

My mum was in one from 2017 to 2020 (when she died of covid there). I wouldn't say she was happy there a lot of the time just because she wasn't happy anywhere, but she was much less unhappy there than she'd been at home for some years, kindly treated, and she even put on weight since she got 3 meals a day (she'd not been bothering much for herself at home) including quite massive bowls of ice cream which did make her happy! It's a lovely home and I would think of going there myself when my time comes.

We had no choice but to move my mum into a care home 6 months ago. She's only 75 but has dementia and needs 24 hour care. She looks 10 years younger now she's being cared for properly and her severe anxiety has improved immensely. Best thing we could have done for her.

My PILs aren't in a care home, but they live in retirement accommodation and a carer comes twice a day for my MIL's care needs. I have only positive things to say about it - so much better than if they'd stayed in their house.

My mum went into a home after going into hospital and waiting for an increased care package. She had the beginnings of dementia but I was in denial. It was only when she was in hospital that it became apparent how much I was holding her together and at what cost to my own health.

She was moved to a rehab facility where her dementia really manifested itself. She was there for several months and then moved to a nursing home. She hated it at first and was terribly depressed but as the dementia progressed she became more contented. She has been there just over two years now, has very little language left and no concept of time but is happy and full of smiles when I visit although often she doesn't know who I am.

The staff are lovely and know her well, teasing her and openly (but appropriately) affectionate.

My dad has been in a nursing home for the last 10 months and overall has settled in well, but the first few months were very hard, he would pace around and get quite agitated, we struggled to get him to eat anything. He had been moved from the hospital to the nursing home as we could no longer care for him (he has advanced dementia and needs full time care) so the change was difficult.

At one stage we had a crisis meeting with the care team and doctor, who told us he didn't have long left as not eating/ struggling to swallow etc. was the end stages of the disease.
Well that was a few months ago and he's carried on fine actually, yes he keeps losing weight and we worry about that but generally he's content and well cared for. He eats dessert mostly, and drinks a lot of juices. We know that at some stage if he gets sick he probably will not recover as his body doesn't have the reserves to cope. But it was distressing for all of us trying to force him to eat, so we have come to an acceptance that this is part of the disease, but as long as he's not in pain or distress that's ok.

The team in the NH are mostly lovely, and know him well. My mother, sister and I visit him several times a week and he's well looked after.
I'm very grateful for the care he is getting, and my mother was also one of those people who didn't want to put him in a nursing home, but after several years caring for him at home we just couldn't cope anymore. People who have never done it just don't understand.

I'm so sorry. Your poor mum.

But please let go of the guilt. None of it was your fault. Your mum would not want you to feel guilt xxx

Beautifully until she died with increasing levels of need over the five years. She was happy, engaged, treated with gentleness and respect, lovely staff and it was the best decision we could have made. Even when she lost the ability to think, move independently or communicate, the care was exceptional.
I visited several times a week and never had any concerns.

That's a positive story. My pretty indepent mum went to respite while her flat was modernised , caught covid, fell, ended up needing higher level of care.never walked again, completely gave up but she tried her best. She died 6 months later. I have never really come to terms with the guilt of letting famoly bully her into moving.