🪳 Cockroach Cafe 🪳 Autumn 2023

Thanks, the NHS are under so much pressure right now.

My dad was finally discharged to a care home and it's really been the best thing for him. He's been there 3 months now and although he's fallen around 8 times, the nursing staff are on hand to check him out. Thankfully there have been no more hospital admissions.

I've just come across this thread which would have been very useful to me a few years ago.
I was wondering from the intro whether you realised that groups genuinely take cockroaches into care homes? My daughter does this every day 😂
I've attached a photo, cropped for privacy!

Juneday. It seems we have to be one step in front all the time. They,meaning the hospital and SW just seem to assume I know what’s going on when in actual fact I know nothing !
When I went to visit mum yesterday, not one carer came to say hello or acknowledged me at all. When I noticed all the other ladies had their own clothes on I asked if I should bring mum some clothes she must shrugged her shoulders, must just said don’t bother, I can’t stand up long enough anyway to put them on.

@Limetreee that’s a start at least, have questions ready and all good advice in the thread. When hospital rang DH to say MiL was going home he asked if the Carers would be there to meet her and she laughed. He said well I can’t be there and my wife is away until late afternoon. Are you going to wheel a confused old lady and dump her in the middle of the room? And yes she thought that was acceptable. As it happened on the day they delayed the discharge which we discovered on ringing and were able to meet her. 🤞. 15 mins later the Carers arrived, I don’t know if that was planned or not. But useful so that we could ask what else they needed etc.

WhatHaveIFound. I’m sorry to hear about your dad, I think this happens regularly. My mum was sent home after spending three months in rehabilitation after she fell and broke her hip. She was home a couple of hours when the physio called in to see her, she couldn’t even stand she sent for an ambulance had had her re admitted. Poor mum she’s been through so much.

Thank you. It seems you have to get on board with the jargon. The SW has text to say I’ve to have a meeting next Monday. Apparently the local authority carers are happy to support me with mums discharge ? Wish they would say what they mean it’s just a load of riddles !

I donated incontinence pads to my local foodbank. They were very grateful.

@Limetreee I can vouch for 'unsafe discharge' being a good phrase to use. My dad was in hospital for 5 weeks earlier this year, was discharged on a Saturday night and fell again within 30 minutes of being home. Definitely an unsafe discharge and I told them so!

A little bit off piste … Tena incontinence pads disposal - I thought I had found a charity to take 4 boxes 2 packs per box unopened that the NHS don’t want back! But it has gone quiet. I have one more person who might be able to help as he managed some care homes. I noticed on Gumtree a lot of people offering un opened packets cheaply so if anyone needs to buy some it is worth a look. Equally any ideas as to whom to give 4 boxes to? The nursing home have taken as many as they can store!

can’t bear the shocking waste that is an NHS cost of taking them to the tip

@Limetreee so sorry to hear this. Using words like “ unsafe discharge” and “v high risk of readmission” can be helpful with discharge teams.

Juneday. Your poor mil. It seems everything has to come to crisis point before anything gets done. At least she safe and content now, that’s my dream 🤞 I’ve just phoned the hospital she has been moved again, now in a rehabilitation centre on the hospital site, good job I rang or it would’ve taken ages to find her tonight 🙄
It so so stressful. I feel for you with elderly parents too it takes it’s toll. Take care.

@limetreee I think what triggered it for MiL was a fall and a 999 call just weeks after discharge, luckily no injuries but a very concerned ambulance crew who refused to leave until a reassessment of her needs and a doctor informed. The Carer’s turned up whilst they were there and tried to leave without performing their role, the crew stopped them
from leaving. I think this was all reported and built a picture. This was all within 4 weeks of being told she had capacity by the discharge person at hospital who assessed her without reference to family. We had organised falls alarm and I visited most days, more by necessity than choice, I have own elderly parents and I found it difficult and very stressful and sad too. She has put on weight in the nursing home and the worry has gone.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere. Hi funny you should say that the care company has just rang to say to say she is now off their books. This happened the last three times she was in hospital, we’ve had four different agencies so far, each time they’ve been worse than the last.
Mums been in three different rehab units, but always sent back to her unsafe home unfortunately. I’m hoping she’ll agree to going in a home this time, so at least she’s safe and has someone there during the night. She doesn’t realise how unsafe she is because she has no memory of her accidents or ever being in hospital or rehabilitation.

@Limetreee she might be ready for discharge but that doesn't mean they will be discharging her to her home. It just means she is medically fit to leave hospital. Has she remained on the books of the care company? After two weeks in hospital mum was off the books and stayed in hospital to wait for a new care package. In the event she went to a rehab unit where they established that she needed 24 hour care.

Hi oh this capacity to decide is driving me mad ! One Dr said no capacity 24 hr care needed. Social worker rang to say she was ready for discharge ! Hence the need for a meeting.
Mum has dementia, no formal diagnosis, definitely has periods of paranoia. So of course when she spoke to the SW she couldn’t remember any of the last three months were she’s been going down hill rapidly, going out in the dark, fusing the electricity etc.
Similar story I have no POA and she has four carers daily but their very lazy. I’m trying to speak with the Dr looking after her as I don’t really know how she is, they have changed some of her drugs, but she’s still dizzy and frail. It’s a nightmare.

@countrygirl99 glad your MiL is now at peace. Hope you and your DH can rest and recuperate over the next few weeks.

@PermanentTemporary I get what you mean about "chained to life". I'm the same with my mum. She can't see, can't hear, can't move her body at all. She can do nothing at all for herself and now she can't chew so the chocolates that we brought her every week are off the menu. It's a horrible way to be.

@Limetreee capacity is a weird/elastic concept. When the social worker felt mum should be in a home she still had quite a lot of language and was quite articulate about wanting to come home to us. However she didn't have the capacity to understand what would happen to her if anything were to happen to me. The social worker was satisfied that she didn't have the capacity to decide what was in her best interests. She was articulate enough to hate the home and everyone in it for a good 6/9 months but is quite content there now.

@countrygirl hope you and DH are feeling a little less frazzled and get lots of help and support over the coming weeks.

Hi@Limetreee DH had something similar with my MiL as we don’t have LPoA on health and well being and MiL was deteriorating with Carers who were sadly unreliable. A sicual
worker spent time with MiL and DH sat in, she very quickly concluded a nursing home was needed for a trial/respite period and then had to find one. Finding one can take some weeks if via Social Services and funded by the LA and we were able to visit first and meet one of the nurses. But it depends upon financial assessment etc. Your DM social services should explain. They will also need to assess capacity as your DM has to agree if she has capacity. MiL was confused and SW decided she didn’t have capacity - although she didn’t have to consult family she did. If you are family SW should be happy to talk you through it and possibly give you an indication. If time scales. 🤞.

Hi new here too. Mum 92 been in hospital three weeks. She was taken in by ambulance after knocking on a neighbours door saying she had a funny head, very confused and high bp.
She’s a lot better, only slightly confused now, but she’s not safe now in her 1st floor flat. I’d like her to go into a care home, mum say’s definitely not. I’ve to have a best interest meeting next week. No idea what’s going to happen.

@PermanentTemporary taking DM outside was always our first hope. DSis and I felt we were heroines if we got her to gulp fresh air once a fortnight.

So sorry @countrygirl99, it’s been pretty relentless for your family. Mil deserves peace after such a challenging time.

Thinking of you @countrygirl99, that was a very long time.

I still feel DM is chained to life. The best I can do for her in my weekly visit is take her outside for half an hour, then spend another hour chatting my nonsense to her as best I can. I hate that everything she ever liked doing has stopped forever but after two years I have kind of walled it off in my mind or I would go mad.