🪳 Cockroach Cafe 🪳 Autumn 2023

Very wise @countrygirl99
@Mxflamingnoravera I too remember the Brothers Grimm!

Sigh. While 2 of my POAs are happily arranging Xmas meetups with us, I've just had an email from #4 (on behalf of him and #3) saying that due to their ailments they can't have visitors right now. I was suggesting popping in bearing cake ...!
All 4 have capacity so it is what it is and I accept things I can't change (not always with good grace!). But. I don't really want the next time I see #3&4 to be one of their funerals.

I think I'll sit on it for a few days - we're going away anyway - and suggest a video call later.

I mean, it sounds like all is as well as it can be - carers engaged, meals being delivered - and I do wonder if it's that #4 is raging inside at the indignity of it all and just doesn't want to be seen in such a frail state.
That's human and understandable, but I do still have to do some due diligence to check it's not all going to hell in a handbasket...

At the same time I feel like a bit of a fraud being on here as no crises yet!
But it's so USEFUL.
More, at the moment, dealing with our younger disabled friend - who claims, despite being rung up first thing this morning by my OH and reminded about it, to have slept through a phone appointment from the hospital. Not the first time. Again, she probably suspects bad news with not much to be done, so ... But we'll try and chivvy her into a physical appointment next time, as we can take her there and make sure they actually get to SEE her. Or at least make sure we're in the room with her so the phone call is answered. We were busy today unfortunately.

The reason DB1 was given as DB1 lived in the same town. But they knew he was planning to move away. The real reason was he was mum's golden child and dad would never go against what mum wanted. He accepted because he has the same opinion of himself as mum did.
I've had a rough day at work as well and came the closest I ever have in 43 years of working to telling someone precisely where to stick their process. But I don't want to be put on a disciplinary so close to annual bonus decision time.

It's because of your vagina @countrygirl99, they don't swing around and prevent them from picking up phones like penises must do. That and they know you won't leave your mum in need. I'm an only child, so at least I know it falls on me. It must add to the stress, knowing they can but simply don't act when they are perfectly capable of doing so. Why take on POA if you have no intention of actually helping when it kicks in and needs a bit of effort? (That's a rhetorical question btw ).

I remember the Brothers Grimm. Glad they are quieter.
I'm feeling frustrated with DB1 this evening. He has POA but has moved several hours away. Mum has an issue that only he can deal with as only he has the contract details, could turn out to be a minor issue or could require a significant spend. If it turns out to be a bigger problem it will need "on the ground attention" so any hard work will fall to me and/or DB2. Needs a phone call to get someone out to check it out, and as far as I know they have phones up north, but he's just ignoring it.

I don't know why but I went back to read more of the thread and felt v protective of my mum as a result. I didn't like her much as a young adult and was terrified of her as a child and teenager but I've softened towards her as she has become vulnerable. I'm feeling very soft towards her today and hope nothing else has happened at the home.

I'm just home from work. I'm going to have a GIn and tonic and my supper and de-stress from my other thread which I think I may now hide. Buts I'm like a child with a dying wasp, want to be rid of it, but poking it with a stick from time to time then wondering why I get stung.

It's nice to be back, I'm not completely new here. I'm the long suffering Brothers Grimm person. Some of you might remember my tales of woe as they bullied my mum just as she was being diagnosed. They have gone quiet now, save for an occasional request to do something I can't do as my mums attorney.

Nice to see you all again, how goes it with you all? Sending thanks for the warm words of support and sympathy.

@Mxflamingnoravera welcome and sorry to hear your worries, only read a little to get an idea, you must do what is best for your DM. These confusions aren’t uncommon so staff should be advising 🤞. I hope things are being resolved.

MiL was convinced a fellow resident was eldest DS and was shouting at him quite angrily ‘M come here it us your mother talking’ he was equally confused but shouted back ‘that is not my name’. For weeks she got upset that her son was living with her and ignoring her, at times she would be taken to sit quietly in her room but every time he walked past she would call out. It so sad and more so if others don’t understand.

glad you feel supported here@Mxflamingnoravera.

The thread appeared in “Active” and/or “Trending” at one point and sadly that appears to bring an influx of people who don’t see what board they are on, and think they are in AIBU by default. It also is consistent with my theory about the number of goady and inflammatory posts these days on MN.

Happily, long running threads like this one don’t show up in those categories and thus we can chat in peace without the disruptive drive-by posts.

I've just looked at your other thread - what is it with people?
You're doing a great job. Stick in there. (Maybe just don't look at the thread any more?)

I would help yourself to a large gin if I were you. There's no easy answer and only losers in that situation. (Luckily I spotted the auto correct to lovers😯)

Oh it's so much nicer here. You think if posted on AIBU given the extreme reaction of some people. I feel less anxious already. I'll stay here now.

Nora I completely agree with you. I sort of know the territory you are in, but to a much lesser extent.
DM took a liking for two gentleman at different times and in different care homes. In both instances their wives were aware, and in both instances the wives laughed it off as harmless . The second time around the gentleman's name and surname was almost identical to my DF's. Sadly, the second gentleman had a massive stroke and died but the last time his family saw him, he was sitting next to my DM in his bedroom, watching the rugby sharing a box of fruit pastilles. They had no issues with my DM being around.
A few years hence , DM also took a shine for another chap who dropped his trousers when DM appeared. DSis and I nicknamed him the 'sex offender' and were aware that he was given some meds to cool his ardour. The staff kept them apart for six weeks until whatever medication he had been given worked.
Good that the staff are backing you. They will have seen it many times.

@Mxflamingnoravera I'm sorry. You’re amongst friends here- we get it.

@thesandwich thanks, it's becoming rather unpleasant on my thread, I've asked for it to be taken down.

@Mxflamingnoravera I’ve just read your posts on your thread- sorry you’ve not had the kind of empathy and understanding you’d get here.
well done for sticking to your guns- and it sounds like your m is in a place where she is understood and looked after.
dh had experience of almost similar with his parents in care homes- very tricky and difficult. Made easier with fil who was not mobile but wanted privacy with a female resident( still married)

I read it last night too and I am sorry, tough one. No harm in posting here as well though.

Yes me too. Awful situation, I'm really sorry.

I read it. Tough one.

Oh darn, I meant to have my rant here, forgot and started a new thread. But now I can't ask you to read it because that would be a TAAT.

Thank you so much! Gin's perfect. Along with wine. And whiskey. 😂Really anything that will keep me going! I've had a day of no calls or messages or emails or panics or demands - Lovely! Hope others are having a similarly restful Sunday.

Hi @SeriouslyAgain of course you are welcome. There's a comfy chair by the fire and cakes on the table at the side. There's plenty of gin (other tipples are available) if you need something stronger than tea.

Hello everyone! Can I join please?! I sometimes need to vent in order to save my sanity. But I can also hopefully be useful as I have a LOT of experience of many and varied 'elderly parent' issues 😂.
After the awfulness of a lot of MN (wow, why are people so unnecessarily rude?!) this seems like a safe space!

Haha, not a problem, just worried my memory was going too!