🪳 Cockroach Cafe 🪳 Autumn 2023

Went to visit DM with DD and DGGS. DM was thrilled to see them. DGS sat opposite DM and the two of them smiled and giggled at each other. DM wasn't sure which DGGS it was (they are two weeks apart) and looked at my daughter and said "Oooh you've got one of those as well!"

Quiz shows rule in DM’s too. you. She LOVES Tipping Point.
DF used to love quizzes too but liked the more difficult ones. They used to look after our old dog who used to go and sit by the door when he heard the Countdown theme as he knew he’d be going home straight after.

My Mum used to go on quiz programs, which led to an odd moment this year when a friend said, "I saw your Mum this week!" (she's been dead for over four years now). Repeat broadcast of one of the shows she was on...

Both friend and I have lost two parents each so we don't have any diplomatic pretenses to uphold.

My mum loves quiz programmes but she has the tv on so loud I hope the couple in the attached semi do as well.

My DM loves Tipping Point too, which makes me want to stick pins in my eyes. Do you hit 80 and then start loving quizzes, she never used to be like this. She also likes Pointless which I don't find quite as bad but always wonder how those two educated men can keep a straight face when they say 'Another pointless answer'!

Mum up in a chair again yesterday. Having odd sips and spoonfuls but shook her head to more than a spoonful of custard. Still sounding quite wheezy. I wonder if she has decided it's time to go. Maybe 2 months?

@MereDintofPandiculation totally agree about the tediousness of tipping point!!!

All went quite well here for Christmas. Picked nan up at 12. I did my usual greeting of 'Morning, Everything OK?' To which she replied with her usual response of 'No everything most certainly is not ok' 😉 I told her that unfortunately she would have to pretend it was fine for the children's sakes.... After that she was actually fine! She ate a little bit of dinner and some pudding, watched Cinderella and the Kings speech, had a little snooze and seemed to enjoy herself. I took her home at about 6 and got her settled for the evening. Shes at my sisters today. I hope you all had a happy and peaceful day xx

24 hours until I can go to work! The time is going soooo slowly.

Happy Christmas. Had Christmas lunch with DB at mums, she declined to come downstairs so ate a toddler size portion on a tray in bed, no teeth so everything mashed (so glad I facilitated all those dentist appointments for her new teeth she’s never worn). Kept insisting it is Christmas tomorrow. I put the King on at 3pm and it seemed to sink in that it was today. Eventually she agreed to open her presents (cosy bed jacket, chocolates) just before I left. Returned home with an intact M&S trifle, changed into my pjs and ate a huge bowl and now opened the Baileys. DH doing similar duty Christmas at his mums, won’t be home for a couple of days so I can watch all the old b&w films he doesn’t like and eat my body weight in chocolate. Christmas starts now for me. Hope everyone else is also similarly relaxing. Cheers.

Me too! Took them home (1 hr there, 1 hr back, so picked them up, had Christmas meal and tea and cake etc then returned them, that’s 4 hours driving in stinking wet conditions today) and came home to a turkey sandwich and lovely cold glass of white Burgundy. Cheers!

DM came to us and ate an enormous lunch including starter and pudding then I dropped her off with DB where she ate an enormous tea. It was good to see her eating. She’s lost so much weight in the last year. She’s very very bent though. Her mobility has declined so much. She told DS when he was taking her into DB’s it would be her last Christmas.

I don’t know. Having my first drink of the day. Cheers.

If it’s any consolation, MIL has forgotten my name (DH and I have been married for nearly 30 years) and on a couple of occasions today was talking to me and thought she was talking to DD (age13). We’ve had slow, painful decline for nearly 5 years now and I reckon it could easily go on for another 5 - I’ve been betting for a while that she’ll die or have a major health crisis in the middle of DD’s GCSEs or A-Levels, and I think more likely A-Levels, which gives us at least another 4.5 years of this.

BIL is looking a bit ragged, and I know DH is feeling the strain. It will be a bitter irony if they both go before she does.

How did my Mum manage to come to us for Christmas and not say one single word to DS, her only grandchild, child of her only child? How?
She is deaf and struggling with a hearing aid but I swear she can hear when she wants to.
Sometimes I wonder if she’s afraid of him, because she doesn’t know what to make of him.
Me, however - she has no problem tossing out passive aggressive comments after I’ve spent most of a day helping her with stuff.
DF just bumbles around her. Tbh if he eats all his Christmas dinner I’m happy, he’s 95 and still enjoys it so that’s not so bad.
But - dear God how many more weird fucking Christmases am I going to do with this woman!

DH got mum home and she couldn't find her key in her handbag. Good job she has a key box. Just found the keys under the sofa. Goodness knows howthey got there.

Christmas 💐 to everyone having to grit their teeth and do all the adapting at this time.... x

God, that was hard work. Despite being reminded every time I've spoken to her for the last few weeks mum had completely forgotten she was coming to me today. Good job I phoned to say I was on my way. When DS2 called her granny she had no idea he was talking to her and she is looking very frail all of a sudden. DH is taking her home now and I suspect he's going to need a large whisky when he gets back.

Hope nobody's having any dramas today.
FIL is here, and I'm not altogether sure who's trying their best to please. We're playing dominoes and watching old films with the volume up VERY HIGH. I've known FIL since I was still a teenager, just about, and this year he finally let slip that he wasn't that keen on Christmas pudding. Luckily neither am I, so profiteroles it was, once he was made to understand that they weren't the same thing as Swiss rolls.
Hearing test in the New Year. And DH loves Christmas pudding, so all the more for him.

Christmas wishes to you all and hope you're all surviving.

I am being driven insane by older relatives who are with us for Christmas but thankfully I've "got to" work on Wednesday so counting down the hours until then.

I'm also thinking about taking a bet how long it'll take before someone (other than my lovely DH) asks how my life is, my work etc etc. Relatives have been here for days and just rabbit on about themselves!

Sending love and Christmas wishes to you all.

@PermanentTemporary sending hugs and strength. We were told that my nan was end of life earlier in the year but months later she is still going. Tearful phone call early this morning saying she felt so ill she couldn't move. Rushed over- she seemed fine and was following me around the flat with her walking frame checking what I was doing... made her breakfast before I left. Carer just messaged and said nan told her she hadn't eaten but she had clearly seen the toast crusts on a plate in the kitchen. I love her dearly but it is all draining and frustrating. I want to be there for her but, at Christmas especially, my kids must come first.
I hope you all manage a happy and peaceful Christmas without any dramas ❤

@thesandwich I know what you mean about only realising the impact after someonehas died. A couple of days after MIL died DHs phone rang later in the evening and we other realised that we had instinctively tensed ready for the crisis. Before we'd been too busy dealingwith an issue to have noticed the tension.