Sibling and I have different approaches to clearing our parent's house - difficult!

I just think you can't make this decision until you've spoken to the valuer tomorrow as you don't yet have all the information tbh OP. I would absolutely want to do things your way but if it's going to end up costing rather than possibly making a bit of money back then I think you're going to struggle to make a case for not doing it his way. If the valuers think you'll break even you might find he comes round to the idea once the reality of having the grunt work done for him has been highlighted. Wait and see where you are tomorrow, it might work itself out easier than you expect.

Could it be that he wants to do this with you? To have this time together and process the new phase of life? It might be worth going along with it for at least the first day so he gets that? Maybe see it as time with him rather than a clearance issue?

I'm with you OP. Get someone in to sort the whole thing out once and for all. It will be quite distressing sorting everything out and driving it to charity shops etc. Let you brother take a bigger cut of whatever money is left over?

It's difficult. I know I'm going to be in a similar situation soon so have actually given this quite a lot of thought.

I had a similar problem with my DB re house clearance after first DM & later DF died.
We both lived 1.5/2 hours away, worked FT. I flatly refused to do it, & suggested DB could keep the proceeds of whatever he could sell ! We'd already removed cash & jewellery.
We used a company, who didn't charge as the sale of the contents covered their costs.

I had to clear my mums house before selling it for care home fees. I am only in my early 40s, work and have two primary age children so was dreading it (not even mentioning the emotion involved) I’m also an only child so it was all on me.
I paid a house clearance company. Me and DH took the items that we wanted - sentimental items, photo albums, all paperwork for shredding and a few large furniture items that we thought we could sell. My DH is keen on eBay so was happy to do this thankfully.

Things I found out:-
-The house clearance people we used don’t take food or toxic items so it meant we had to clean out the fridge and freezer, kitchen cupboards and dispose of it all as well as tins of paint and cleaning fluids.
-Sorting and Shredding all the paperwork of someone who seemed to keep every letter and card they were sent from the 1970s takes ages!
-Items that we thought would sell for decent money on eBay were actually really hard to shift and sold for considerably less than they were worth (a nearly new leather sofa)
-The house clearance company were worth every penny. The time and stress they saved was invaluable.

I would definitely use a clearance company and if you want to sell the large items, maybe consider listing on eBay but make it clear to your brother that collections/delivery will be for him to sort.

the enormous chore of selling things. He is not on social media or Ebay so expects me to handle all that.
I was seeing your brother’s POV until that. That’s not on! People who have never used EBay have no idea of the time, work and potential hassle involved. If he wants to sell things, he should find a way to do it himself.

How about if you offer to meet the cost of the removals company yourself rather than split it or charge it to your mum's profits from selling the house? If you can afford it, that might be worth it for you (in terms of time saved etc) and enough to persuade your brother.

As with so many others have been here more than once, and there is good advice already on the work involved doing DIY clearances, especially if storage costs are involved.

You may want to check if there's a local auction house that does house clearances, and organises transfers to charity shops, disposal at the same time. They should be able to give you an indication of likely net income from that. I found that they would put lower value items in sales from their own clearance jobs, but not take similar from individuals.

Some attendance would probably be required for an estimate visit(s),
any sorting work needed pre-clearance, and attendance during clearance.

In the interest of family relationship I think a modest investment of your time would be the best course, but this would be small compared to physically emptying and disposing yourself. Good luck!

I couldnt be doing with selling it on ebay! easier to just get an auction house to come and take it all away and sell it. obviously you will just make sure all the wee stuff and paperwork is going unless ornaments etc are going too.

Not RTFT.
Where you live affects how quickly furniture will sell, if you are selling it from your house. Whether or not the buyer will need a van to collect it will too.

Get your sibling to go over and photograph the eBay or FB marketplace items, take measurements. Then send them to you, and get the items collected from the house (make clear in your ad that if needs to be collected on x date) why double handle everything?

Maybe you could reach a compromise by asking an auction house to collect the furniture and any other items they think they can sell, that way you won't be paying fees to the clearance company on top of auction fees. They are often good at knowing what they can sell. Spend some time taking things to the dump/charity shop that are manageable. In terms of eBay I never deliver anything and recently sold a very large piece of furniture on eBay and insisted they had to organise a proper pick up as I didn't want it damaged. It does take time but depending on what it is it can find it's market on eBay. It's hard to know how much stuff you are dealing with but after the auction house has collected, a couple of charity shop, dump runs etc done maybe get the company in to sort the rest?

It's almost impossible to sell things like that (the standard stuff) on ebay or Facebook for more than a couple of quid. I've tried ! Unless you are able to deliver. You will end up trying to store items for ages whilst you try to sell. If he doesn't believe us then list one item now on ebay and see how many people bid. It's worth paying the fee just to demonstrate this.
I'd get the auctioneers to take the valuable stuff and the rest just get British Heart foundation to take and then at least you cam feel like it's done some good?

Ok, so the facts are:

You get on
You both want to do the best for your Mum
He is not working and has done more so far and you DO recognise this

Partly, he has done more because he can and you can't, due to your differing situations - how much does he acknowledge this?

Your experience (okay, a LOT of people's experience, but you can try to flog a couple of things now, if needed, on FB / eBay, so you can honestly speak from experience) is that selling lots of not super valuable stuff is time consuming and not always straightforward.

Time which you do not have.

There are also storage costs to take into account.

Not to mention that different charity shops have different acceptance criteria.

How many people do you and he know who have successfully done what he currently is floating?
How many people get in auction houses / house clearance firms?
Most likely the answer is "um actually none" and "oh quite a lot when I come to think of it".

Why does he think that is?

Do you even have the time to teach him how to use eBay and FB marketplace?

You have to sit him down and say, "Bro, I can't see that the current plan will work, let's talk this through so we both find a solution we think is solid. I promise I'll listen to you if you listen to me."

Ultimately I think the priorities are:

• Your relationship surviving
• You both retaining the sentimental items you want
• House sale going through
• Not ending up LOSING significant money on clearing the house

It will take some time to talk him through what the likely reality of his plan is, but time well spent if he's just a bit disappointed at the end rather than mad at you.

Agree with PermanentTemporary...

Also, this is what we were doing this time last year. (OH is an only child and his mother is in a care home). It was very time consuming and hard work - so many timewasters to deal with too! Unfortunately, you don't have much time now to sort out the house, so your best option is going to be a clearance company.

Try to price up storage options too, to present to your brother. It feels like he has done most of the hard work up to now.

I would definitely try to convince your brother about the valuations company. A friend of mine does this. The amount of effort that goes into the selling of items alone is considerable.

I'd suck this one up, but look for ways to make it easier on you.

What about you taking a week off, going down there together and doing as much on site as you can? Do a yard sale, get info on local jumble sales and charity shops, and flog the big items on FB immediately. See if your sibling will agree that anything left after that week could go to house clearance.

I’ve done this. Be very realistic that the furniture may not sell at all - what then? At least if the house clearance company deal with it, it becomes their problem. We ended up donating everything except furniture to Anglo Doorstep collections, who picked it up from the doorstep. Furniture went on Freecycle or in the skip.

I would not risk a hernia or a lifetime of back pain for 1 weeks' care home fees. Get the professionals in. If you try to sell on eBay buyers will want you to deliver etc.

It's two days, suck it up. He's already done all the heavy lifting sorting things out.

The trouble is my sibling has done a lot more hours already in selling the house (DIY in getting it up to scratch, a lot more visits to our parent in the last 9 months in the care home, dealing with the sale etc). I really couldn't be more grateful to him for the effort.

Then giving up a single weekend to support him is the least you can do.

A compromise is that the halfway decent stuff could be taken straight to the auction house rather being put in storage and you selling it on eBay. I really don't think he realizes how much storage costs, how much work eBaying is, and how little you'd get.

I'd give up my weekend willingly, given the amount of work and time that he's put in so far, but contact the auction house and arrange for everything that isn't for the tip or the charity shop to be taken straight there.

And yep. I'm his age, retired and alone. I can't imagine how hard it's been for him to do all this work and visiting without the support of a partner. It bothers me that you think that your time is worth more than his, and that it's somehow harder for you. Organisationally, maybe it is, a little. Emotionally? While you appreciate what he's done, it feels like you don't appreciate the emotional toll of it on him.

You need to step up and support him, practically and emotionally.