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Elderly parents
Original poster

Mum, aged 90 with dementia, may be asked to leave care home - what can I do?

37 replies

SlowDog · 17/10/2023 16:40

My mother is 90 and has dementia. She is self-funding in a care home.

A while ago the care home asked us to fund 6 hours of one to one care per day for my mother because they said she was very anxious and it would benefit her to have this one to one time. It was pretty expensive (the care home is already of course not cheap!) but I wanted my mother to be OK, and she has a reasonable amount of savings so I agreed to it (I have power of attorney over financial affairs, but not health & social care).

More recently the care home says my mum's behaviour has become more difficult for them to deal with because she is so often calling out and asking for help so they applied for funding for full time one to one care. The care home told me that if the funding was not approved, my mum might have to leave the care home as her position there might become "unsustainable".

The one to one funding was refused, the NHS person at the assessment said to me "Nobody will fund one to one care for this, this should come within normal specialist nursing care".

Now the care home has requested a meeting with me, I expect they plan to give my mum notice to leave. I asked social care what would happen if I couldn't find another care home to take her and they said they wouldn't be able to help/intervene because she is a self-funder. I asked if she could be thrown out of the care home without anywhere else to go and they said it was up to the ethics of the care home.

My mum has dementia, she doesn't understand what is going on, and she has a lot of other care needs (she has funded nursing care) and is incontinent.

I don't believe it's good for her to move at her age and in her condition but I guess there is nothing I can do about it. I will start looking for another care home to take her but I worried what will happen if I can't find one.

Has anyone got any advice / been in a similar position?

OP posts:
bossybloss · 17/10/2023 17:12

Social services still have to help. Under the Care Act everyone who may have needs is entitled to an assessment. The home can, sadly evict her if they can no longer meet her needs. There will be somewhere out there for her. Ask for an assessment of her needs and then ring round as many suitable homes as you can and ask if they have vacancies. Then read the CQC reports and go and have a look round. Remember… just cos a home looks “posh” doesn’t mean it is the best!!

SkyFullofStars1975 · 17/10/2023 17:09

I've worked in nursing homes and most aren't equipped to deal with patients with advancing dementia. They can be very disruptive to other residents and need much higher care staff levels. The stark reality is that she's probably not safe where she is.

Start looking round for specialist dementia units and ask for some referrals. It may help if you get a social worker assigned to her, they're very helpful in terms of what you can claim etc.

Beamur · 17/10/2023 17:06

My MIL is in a home that states from the outset that they can't accept residents with challenging behaviour.
With dementia you sometimes need to find a specialist home that understands the needs of people with dementia better.
Fortunately she seems to be ok where she is.

gotomomo · 17/10/2023 17:06

You need to ask for an nhs continuing care assessment, this would then fund the care she needs potentially at a specialist facility for dementia. Many standard care homes cannot cope beyond a certain point of illness.

Note this is not social services funded but nhs, different department, different rules

NecklessMumster · 17/10/2023 17:01

Social services are wrong to say they don't have to do anything if you're a self funder. They still have to help. They might charge a fee. What if your mum had no children/relatives? This makes me so cross, (and I work for them).

lilao · 17/10/2023 17:01

This has just happened to my grandparent. He is also very anxious and the posh private homes clearly only want the easy residents!

He is now in a nursing dementia home (rather than only care) an has gone from being one of the "worst" to one of the "best", but has accepted the change better than expected.

We've come across several other residents in the new home that we recognise from the old home who were also asked to leave!

Iamblossom · 17/10/2023 16:56

My mother's care levels were considered so severe she was homed in a secure dementia facility which was paid for by the NHS.

The staff were wonderful but it was a pretty horrible place, with lots of high care individuals, but she couldn't be looked after anywhere else, she was starting to lash out, get very agitated, trying to escape etc.

DPotter · 17/10/2023 16:52

Sadly they can ask her to leave.

I would ask the LA for their list of specialist dementia care homes and start visiting.

Contact your local Dementia UK or Alzheimer Society group for recommendations and general support as well

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 17/10/2023 16:47

I was just going to ask the same thing Floral Wink

Floralnomad · 17/10/2023 16:45

Is she in a specialist dementia home as that may be what you need to look for . It’s unfortunate having to move elderly people but if the home is not equipped to cope with her needs there is not much you can do .

Peoniesandcats · 17/10/2023 16:45

Sorry you are going through this.

Yes, one care home wasn’t able to meet mum’s needs (unless I paid 1:1 care!) I was in touch with a lovely OT and physiatrist who recommended a care home which was much better suited. Was all very stressful.

However I moved mum to another care home as it’s closer to where I live.

Which area are you? Others might have some recommendations

FrenchandSaunders · 17/10/2023 16:44

They sound crap, they can't just throw her out. They have a duty of care. Tell them you've looked around and nothing is suitable, they can't do anything.

On the other hand, I might worry that they would treat your mum differently if you did this .... so maybe have a look at others as this one doesn't sound great. But they certainly can't make her leave without your permission/help.