hospice called to tell me my dad's breathing had changed?

Oh sweetheart I’m so sorry you are going through this, please, please go now as it sounds like will only be a matter of hours. Do what your heart tells you to do when you are there.
I am so grateful and comforted that I was with my mum when she took her last breath, but if you feel unable to do that then that’s fine, I just don’t think you will know how you will feel until you get there and see him.
Sending you so much love and strength, it’s such a hard time for everyone, just follow your heart and that will be the right decision for you when the time comes

Don't be afraid, OP. It's just sitting with your Dad. If his breathing has changed - he's still your Dad. You can't do him any harm by keeping him company in his last hours.

I have sat with my FiL and my Mum during their final hours and was glad I could do that one last thing for them. I have absolutely no regrets. When it comes to it we recognise what's going on at a very natural, animal level.

You might not witness anything

Dads breathing changed many times. He also turned blue. We were called innumerable times to be with him (60 mile round trip) and he decided to die 3 weeks after the first urgent 'get here' call, peacefully on his own.

The nurses said that often people choose to die alone. It's a very private event for many, I'm told

I went had no advance warning of breathing change I chose not to stay. My father lasted nearly another day. So sorry

It basically telling you he is about to die. You either go now or you phone them and say to call you when he has died.
I'm sorry but that's how they tell you gently.

Yes, they are trying to tell you he is nearing the end sensitively.
Go now if you'd like to
The last sense to go is hearing, so reassure him and tell him you love him.
I'm very sorry
Sending you love and strength

Sending you much love.

Go, give him a kiss and then decide if you want to stay longer. There’s no right or wrong.

They are telling you it’s time to come in. But you don’t have to be there if you don’t want to OP. You can go and say goodbye and wait outside. Is there someone to be with you?

Sorry to hear about your dad. Many times I've had to ring relatives to say their loved ones breathing have changed, they have either said they will come in, or to ring when they have gone. It's up to you, if it was me I would go.

I have just read the most recent posts and they are right - if you do not want to do this you don’t have to. The hospice staff will do everything that needs to be done.

But if you do want to, you will find the strength.

Tell us all about your lovely dad if you’d like to.

Sending you strength love and a big hand hold x

Oh my lovely. You can. It is so very hard and so very sad, but sitting with someone you love as they leave is such an immense privilege. I had no idea.

The hospice staff know what to do and they will help you.

You don't have to witness it if you don't want. As a PP mentioned many people wait until they are alone anyway. If you want to it is perfectly OK to go in now and say your goodbyes and leave. That's what I did with my dad and I don't regret it at all.

If you do not want to see him pass away, then don’t go.

Or go and say goodbye and then leave.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to be there when someone dies and in the nicest way they don’t even care as they’ll be at peace and already know that they are loved.

Please do not feel guilty for not wanting to see him pass away.

You can do it. The hospice care team will make sure he isn't in any pain and will look after you too. Sitting with my parents when they died is the most profound thing I've ever done, and I'd do it again tomorrow. I was 23 when I did it for my mum. You're holding his hand on his last journey - it'll be the making of you, I promise.

Sending you strength and my love.

I spent the last 60 hours of my mum’s life with her, in the hospital and then in her care home. Her breathing changed a bit about 4 hours before she died, and then profoundly in the last half hour, but it can vary of course.

During the waiting time my brother and I slept on a recliner in shifts and went outside for air when the carers were washing her. My DH brought food and drinks for us. It was hard, but we just lived through it.

💐for you.

Agreed, go now. That's exactly what we were told with my dad. We were very lucky in that we were allowed to sit with him 24/7 but we had been popping home over the week he was in the hospice and when the nurse told us about his breathing we knew the time was soon. Hope you're ok. It's a terrible thing to have to deal with.

If you want to be with him when he dies go now. But it still maybe hours yet. It’s not something which can be predicted.

Yes with DH, I sat and chatted with him for a bit about what a wonderful life we'd had together and then told him to go when he was ready. He went within minutes.

Yes go now. I don't know would what they can't be more straightforward and of course there's no definite timescale to be put on it, but they know the end is very close. For DH it was about 12 hours.

Another vote for go now. Best wishes OP.

The nurse is telling you that there isn't much time left, OP.
You should go now.

Please go now.