hospice called to tell me my dad's breathing had changed?

I was with my dm when she had her stroke. The consultant at the hospital told me death was imminent. I decided that I would be with her, as I did not want her to die alone. The ward offered us the relatives room, which was gratefully accepted, so we could be close by, even when we were resting. My 3 DCs also wanted to be there, so we took it in turn to either be in the relatives room, or sit with her.

She lasted nearly 3 days, before her breathing changed and I knew the end was very close, so sent my son to get his sisters. It was very peaceful, we just sat with her, held her hand and told her how much we loved her. It meant so much to me to be there when she passed and I know she wanted us to be there (we had discussed this, after my df died, with none of us there). It was the last time any of us could do anything for her.

@falstaff1980 Hearing is the last sense someone loses when dying, please be with your df, telling him how much you love him, as he passes. It still comforts me, to know that I was there for dm.

Sending you and your family love and strength 💐

Go now of his breathing has changed it won’t be that long.

My Dad's breathing changed in the afternoon and he died later that evening. It was very peaceful, his breaths were irregular with gaps between them, and finally there wasn't another breath after the gap.

My thoughts are with you. As so many have said, it is an honour and a privilege to be with a parent in their final moments. It's extremely difficult but it helped me when my mother to know that I was there with her 💔💔💔

Lots of love and prayers x

I lost my Dad only last week. Despite many years of caring for others at the end of their life I wasn't convinced I could be there for my own Dad. But I did and I'm so pleased I did. I hope and pray that it's a peaceful time for you both x

I’m sending you love and strength. I was with my Mum when she died. The hospital rang at teatime on a Tuesday and she died at 8.10pm the next day. I totally respect those who choose not to be there but I was with my Dad and siblings and don’t regret it.

Please do what’s best for you. Im hoping for a very gentle passing for your lovely Dad.

❤️

You don't have to be there when he goes if you really don't want to. As it seems the end is nearing go in and tell him all the things you want to say, and then say goodbye.

I spent every day with my DF for almost a week when he was dying, but he went before I got there one morning, and I was actually quite pleased about that and had no regrets as I had already spent so much time with him.

So sorry OP, sending you hugs and a handhold at this difficult time x

Sending love and strength x

Sending you love and strength at this difficult time ❤️

It’s a tremendous privilege to be with someone who is dying. Yours is the last voice he will hear, and the last love he will feel. It’s hard to say a final goodbye, but you’ll regret it if you don’t go. May he go quietly to rest.

Go to the hospice now. If they have called you to tell you that they obviously think that he might be getting close to the end. If he is end of life care they are unlikely to give him a fluid drip or anything like that, they will be doing regular mouth care to keep his mouth moist but end of life care is generally pain killers, sedation if agitated and basic hygiene care to keep them comfortable.

I was by my dad's side when he died. I knew that he would die, I said goodbye to him but at the same time I couldn't really understand such a thing emotionally. It didn't feel real. But I kept going back day after day because that is what I had done for six weeks. Then he died and I kissed his forehead and told him that I loved him. I walked out the door into a new stage of my life. I grieve him but am also happy. I carry the grief but am not consumed by it. The closest analogy is like a tree which has had a major branch broken off, but it still manages to grow new branches which can flower perhaps even more beautifully. Do what feels right for you

Had this with a grandparent. They lasted almost 3 weeks. Every day, multiple times a day, we were told they'd be gone within the hour. At a certain point some family members came to the conclusion it was too distressing for them to keep going, and stayed home doing things to support the ones that still wanted to go (e.g. shopping, cleaning, laundry). It's a personal decision. My grandparent was not in a state where they knew who was there or not, they never woke up, just slept. The ones who felt they wanted to be there took it in shifts to stay. Everyone did what was right for them, no one thought differently of them for their decision. In fact, one was encouraged by others to stop because we could see how awfully being there, and seeing the grandparent like that was affecting them.

Whatever you choose I'm so sorry you're losing him, take the chance to do and say what you need to. Sending love and strength x

This is absolutely right. Please don't let anyone guilt you into doing what you don't want to do. I said my goodbyes to my mother, as did my son and we left. I made it quite clear I didn't want to be there. No one tried to make me stay. And it was 4 years ago and I would t have done it any different.
It's entirely up to you but a good call to go and speak to the staff. Say your goodbye and then decide.
A big handhold for you a this difficult time.

Stroking my mums forehead as she died will remain one of toughest moments of my life so far. I remember saying to a dear friend the day before ( an hour after I got the ‘her breathing has changed’ call) that I was terrified and didn’t want to go.

I went.

I’m so pleased I did, it was very, very hard but I actually felt ‘lucky’ (looking back on it some time later), that I was there.

But, it’s very personal and whatever happens (if you stay or not), then that is the right thing for you and that’s ok. I’ll be thinking of you. ((Hugs)).

Please go, I didn't (think I was in denial) and regret it still 13 years later. Hug your dad for me

Sending love OP. Been there for my mum and it was a privilege - and I didn't think I could do it, but I'm oh so glad I did.

May he go gently.

Sending you love and strength OP xx

I just want to say OP - I decided to not be with my Dad when he died as I thought it would be even more trauma on top of what had been an incredibly traumatic journey of his final illness. I was at the hospice day in day out for 9 days but when it was clear it was nearly time, I chose to leave. At the time I was told by a family member I would regret it but it’s been 10 years and I never have, even for a second. My Dad knew I loved him and cared for him and I said my goodbyes in a way I felt comfortable with. So if you decide you can’t be there, don’t listen to people who say that’s wrong. At this point your Dad would want you to do what was best for you and best for your grieving process. Sending you so much love xxxx

I sat for hours and hours with my Dad while he was dying. They kept saying hours and he hung on for nearly a week. I don't think he wanted to leave us.

But whatever regrets I will ever have in my life, those hours with him aren't ever going to be one of them. I treasure every moment and every memory even if it was the hardest thing I've ever done.

Wishing you peace OP

Sending you a hand hold. I hope you get there in time to hold his hand and say goodbye.