Dad told me he doesn't want to be taken to hospital if he's unconscious, under any circumstances

That's good that he is now on a more clear pathway, even if it seems daunting at the moment.

Just for your information End of life care is now firmly part of a paramedics scope of practice (and every vehicle should be stocked with EoLC drugs), if your dad is ever sent a lesser qualified crew who pushes for him to go to hospital (or even a paramedic who is not confident in EoLC) insist on them seeking more senior advice (Ambulance clinical desk, GP out of hours, paramedic/advanced paramedic practitioner coming to scene, and even in some areas specialist EoLC paramedics exist).

In the gentlest possible way, your dad is going to die, we all are, but in your dad's case it is going to be sooner rather than later. Talking about death and dying is still extremely taboo in the UK, and sadly this is were it gets us.

The first death I went to as a trainee ambulance technician, many years ago, came through as "101 year old female, unexpected death"... she died in her sleep in a care home?! But that really is typical of things in the UK, frequently patients, their relatives and even at time HCPs do not prepare themselves at all for death, even when it is long expected, and often have very unrealistic expectations of what is possible, and what is kind.

Your dad needs to take advice from someone who can get his thoughts down on paper in a clear, concise and legal way. You, OP need to talk openly with a professional or a wise friend.

That sounds like a good plan.

You do also need to work through your own feelings about this. You say "Surely we're all responsible to do everything possible to keep someone alive, even if they don't want to be?", but like the care home worker pp, speak to medical professionals and you will hear that the vast majority would not want 'everything possible' to be done, it can often lead to intrusive and painful treatment and result in a short period of extra time with a pitiful quality of life. Even if they did, this is your dad and he needs to have appropriate control over his own body.

If your dad is still in hospital days later it sounds like he has a fair bit more going on than a one off dehydration. As well as a heart to heart with him, it could be helpful for you to speak to a counsellor, it's incredibly hard on you to be supporting him through this, especially if your wishes don't align with his, and you'll need support as well.

he has no right to judge you for acting on an easily treatable condition. that is heartless of him to dismiss the stress caused to you. If he wants not to be hospitalised under any circumstances including treatable ones then he must very clearly say so in a legal document.

I am so sorry for you OP. That is absolutely grim. I have total respect for elderly people who don't want their lives prolonged unnecessarily. I share their views. But they must be really mindful and respectful of how this impacts loved ones who have a duty of care, both legal and emotional.

Dioralyte sachets

My experience isn't from newspapers. I've worked with patients, families, lawyers and medical professionals on this issue.

Your post is based on a misconception that those choosing not to have DNR orders have not had conversations with family and medical professionals. There is no research to support that view. In fact, the research supports the opposite. DNR notices were put into patients/residents files with no discussion. That is the taboo they no longer want discussed. The ECHR is clear on the human rights implications of this issue.

The problem is with the wording. We had this with my late dad, and had it worded such that he would be treated for an injury, but not an illness.

I would agree with those who say that we need to have conversations surrounding death. I was “fortunate” with my dad in that he was very open with his wishes, but people need to understand what DNR actually is-the person is already dead, and it’s an absolutely brutal treatment, often resulting in broken ribs at the very least. People also need to understand that because you CAN treat something, it doesn’t mean that you necessarily SHOULD

CPR is NOT a treatment for a normal death, and patients who require CPR (even fit young people) rarely come out of it as well as they were in the run up to going in to the cardiac arrest (IE before this final deterioration into cardiac arrest) so if they were elderly and sick beforehand that will be moreso in the unlikely event that they are successfully resuscitated.

The ones you see in the newspapers are not representative of the reality in many cases.

Elderly and sick people should be encouraged and supported to consider their wishes in an informed way. We need to make conversations about death and dying less taboo in this country.

Just to provide some perspective - because there are various social media campaigns and unofficial directives trying to push a DNR agenda - less than 20% of elderly, sick patients have a DNR. And there has been research that shows patients with DNRs have worse outcomes. The Government really pushed to normalise DNRs especially during Covid and there have been numerous scandals of DNRs being placed in elderly patients and care home residents' files against their wishes.

Having seen an elderly loved one removed to hospital, aggressively treated, and then spend two years in a home not recognising anyone including her husband and children, totally dependent and very confused as the general anaesthetic from the life saving surgery caused her such damage?

We all knew afterwards she and her husband would have very very much preferred that she was made comfortable and allowed to go, in her own bed, able to say goodbye to him while knowing who he was. He said to me in tears at her funeral he'd said goodbye to her two years earlier.

It is very difficult, but elderly people should have the right not to be pressured into treatment and prolonging of life that they don't want, because relatives with more power don't agree with them. Her husband later had an excellent GP and agreed with him that the GP would personally visit him and make a decision with him on what treatment and on what terms if hospital admission looked necessary.

Op you did what you were meant to. He was semi conscious with a treatable condition. As per his wishes, that isn't something he said he didn't want to go on with.

I don't know what the implications are for leaving him at home to die naturally in those circumstances without his wishes being explicitly recorded?

No, I don't think "we're responsible to do everything possible to keep someone alive, even if they don't want to be?"

I worked for many years as a care worker, and most of the elderly people I went to said they wouldn't want to go to hospital if they became unwell. Two years ago, something major happened to me, and I was put in an induced coma (so had no choice but to go to hospital, where I was an inpatient for 6 weeks). Having been in hospital and been subjected to some pretty awful "care", I've told my family that under no circumstances do I ever want to be taken to hospital or be kept alive. I've got a DNR on file, although I'm "only" in my 60s

@Stormydayagain OP's post is clear about what happened. RESPECT forms are about clinical judgement and patient preference. There is no form that can legally compel OP not to call an ambulance.

There is no confusion. The RESPECT form does not enable paramedics to leave a person unconscious at home without ascertaining their condition, treatment and possible care. Their clinical judgement was to admit him. Her DF is now alert and able to discuss his preferences with the ward professionals.

We had this situation with my dad. We did the respect form with his GP present. He was very terminally ill though, so the GP came to the house and updated his records accordingly. Dad died at home a week after.

The thread title differs greatly from the first post. So impossible to know what his wishes as stated on the form were.

His condition was treatable. No-one acted outwith his wishes. He is bullying OP for no reason and posters shouldn't be enabling it.

OP is perfectly entitled to call an ambulance but should not knowingly withhold the RESPECT form from the ambulance crew who should then act on it accordingly.

It is not clear what has happened here. Whether the ambulance crew were shown the form, if they were if they acted outside of guidelines, or if the form was not properly completed.

If he drops unconscious in the street and none of the family are with him, I assume an ambulance will be called In which case he will have to self-discharge?
Is he presuming that you’ll care for him 24/7 at home while he’s unconscious? That’s a massive ask.
I’m really not sure how you stand in those circumstances by not getting medical help - would you defy any doctor who says he needs admission?

Once he is unconscious, the choice of calling an ambulance or not is no longer his. He can decide DNR, he can't decide that you are not to call an ambulance for him if he is unconscious - just tell him, you will be calling an ambulance in that situation, and if he doesn't want to accept treatment once he is in hospital, that is up to him.

How would LPOA help OP father as she is the one unwilling to follow his wishes? I think it is highly unlikely he would name her as LPoA, I guess their may be someone else in the family who would support his wishes though.

The law is also VERY specific about the order of when decisions where made, so even if he set up a LPOA he could still subsequently write an advanced directive (assuming he had capacity at the time) after setting up LPOA and the advanced directive would stand over the decisions it covers.

You followed directives exactly. He asked not to be ADMITTED for non-treatable conditions. You are not medically trained to assess this.

He was unwell, you did what you had to do which is call an ambulance. They took him to hospital, he was assessed and he was deemed to have a treatable condition at which point he was admitted. Had he gone to hosptial and it was deemed non-treatable he would not be admitted and discharged. He could discharge himself now if he wanted to, he has capacity. This is not on you and if he became that unwell again an ambulance is the right call.

OP please ignore the posters telling you to ignore your own MH and legal liability. Your DF can leave hospital at any time. You are not keeping him there and you did not go against his wishes since his condition was treatable.

You need to go back to his GP and discuss the liability of an untrained medical professional (ie you!) trying to tiptoe round unclear and potentially illegal directives to try to appease your DF.