Terminal lucidity in a dying parent- is this real?? What a headfuck!

I flew back to see my Mum, having been told, get back here asap. I arrived at the hospital, she was in a chair at the side of the bed with a cup of tea, chatting to the nurse. We had a few hours chatting, drinking tea and eating biscuits. She didn’t want her lunch and said it looked revolting. We laughed because she tried to persuade me to eat it. She then said she thought she would have a nap, and asked if I would be there when she woke up. I said of course, I wasn’t going anywhere. I left her for 10 minutes to get some food before the canteen closed in the evening, and in those 10 minutes she died. It was peaceful.

My mum developed overnight dementia after a stroke and it felt like she was dying for months to be honest. Then suddenly she was lucid and hungry and chatting and told us it was the best day ever. She died a couple of days later and we cherish our last day so much. At the time we thought it was sheer adrenaline that suddenly made her lively and witty again like she used to be. Obviously it gave us too much hope but hindsight is a great thing. Now we’re just grateful we had one last glimpse of the real her - she’d been quite dementia laden for about three months and we missed her vibrant personality oh so so much.

Lewy body dementia which often goes with Parkinson’s is not like Alzheimer’s. Sometimes people with it can reason quite rationally.
I am sorry for what your Dad is going through.

Good, it's all you can do and you are doing everything - you need a life too and not to live in limbo!

Sounds familiar. Let the professionals take the strain off you where possible and do stuff for you. Rollercoasters indeed!

I hope things are not too bad for you sleeves - this is hard on you.

As PP have said, it's very common for people to rally physically and mentally before they die. In my DM's case (also Parkinson's) she has been on 'end of life' care three times in the past couple fo years - the first time, amid all the 'end of life' bedside music and faff, she sat up and asked for boiled eggs. They have calmed down their response a lot at her care home because she's still with us.

My nana died at home of cancer, I told her I was having a pink gin and lemonade, she said I'd like one of those! She hadn't been awake for days by that point.

We spent a lovely evening all of us chatting and sharing a pink gin and lemonade , she told me she'd loved me since the day I was born 😪 and she died just before I got back to hers the next morning

My Dad woke up and started singing Don't Cry For Me Argentina 🙂, he wasn't really lucid, he was really talking to himself and it only lasted maybe 10 minutes.
He died 2 days later.
Sorry you are going through this, it's hideous.

Another one coming in to say this could be a sign that he's almost at the end. We saw this with a family member (terminal cancer) - a sudden request for a particular food after weeks of barely eating, a flash of the 'real' him again for a brief period. It's normal and nothing to be afraid of. If there's anything you want to say to him, say it now. Hugs. x.

@GammonAndEggs how special and very lovely that you got that time with your mum.

Yes my grandad was very lucid in the 12 hours before he passed. Had 3 pots of ice cream and heard us all say we love him. Also said he couldn't believe how fat my aunt and grandmother were so maybe prepare for honest thoughts in the next few hours. Sending love x

My dad had this the day before he died and it really threw us all. My mum thought he was getting better. But unfortunately he passed the next day.

I just want to say I’m in exactly the same boat right now! So sending lots of love and hugs!!

This happened with my MIL the day before she died. She hasn't known who any of us were for at least a year before this.
I'm sorry that you're having to go through this

Which is even better than 'either that wallpaper goes or I do' (Oscar Wilde)

On my lovely daddy's last day, my sibs and I were all there with our mum. We were playing some of his favourite songs on YouTube and he roused himself together to say 'not that remote Claire' as his final words.

The surge. It sounds like it won’t be long now. Sending you strength. 💐

I shared a lovely evening with my dad three days before he passed from Parkinson’s we listened to music and held hands and told each other we loved them , I joked that my water bottle had vodka in and he said can I have a bottle of beer - I wish I’d been able to give him one , he slept from the next day til he passed away

Yes. My dad. Woke around 1:30am after being practically comatose all day (we called the Dr out and got his remaining brother and sisters over to say their goodbyes he was that bad). He asked for a coffee and we had a nice chat, like he wasn’t even ill. He woke up again around 5:30 asking to go to the loo. We sat him up to help him to the bathroom but he just fell back dead.

Ditto for my dear dad. He had pancreatic cancer and was at the stage of not eating or drinking, and sleeping most of the time due to morphine.

He was being transferred to a hospice and rallied briefly. He could barely speak because of his mouth being so dry but when the admitting doctor asked a question about the drugs he was on, me, my mum and brother couldn't remember the name of one and dad suddenly called it out. This was early afternoon. He passed away around 4am the next morning.

I hope your dad has a calm and peaceful passing OP. Take care 💐

Yes this is really common but in some ways not great for the relatives. It’s similar to loved ones dying when they are actually alone ie daughter/ son goes to the loo or say they will be back later etc . A very common phenomenon.